SPARF: Press week 13 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- Nice long break but still Tuff Guy spends some time in hospital. The guys had their end of season trip mid-season. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- Another average week for TinHead overall. There were 2 upsets in Gold and 2 in Silver last round. TinHead offers the following odds for the coming round: GOLD Port Coquitlam Circus Stars 7/2 v New Sturt Blues 2/9 Victorian Mandarins 2/11 v Uluru Dingoes 9/2 Petawawa Purple Platypi 2/9 v Black Company 7/2 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 1/5 v California Sluggers 4/1 Krazy Kenora Kangari 1/3 v Limboland Mists 5/2 Buffalo Knights 8/11 v Seren City Supers EVENS The Mythstics 8/13 v Darwin Destroyers 11/8 Nar Nar Goon 1/40 v Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 30/1 SILVER CSUA 4/1 v Christminster Clerics 1/5 Newcastle Novas 500/1 v Himeji Herons --- Wallamaloo Philosophers EVENS v Sherwood Bandits 4/5 Roxburgh Kittens 8/11 v Air-Pacific Groundhogs EVENS Silicon Valley Angels 6/1 v Manix Maulers 1/8 Melbourne Bloods EVENS v Warrnambool Sea Hawks 4/5 Daveland Warriors 4/5 v Windy Hill Superstars EVENS Never bet on an event in which the participants can speak. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- The Knights last played a few weeks ago, squeaking a 2 goal victory over the Mythstics. Coach Bridget Fonda exclaimed, "Thyths was a massyths triuymth for youryths truly." Coach Fonda's comments stand out after recent claims that she hasn't been coaching the team. In a live internet hookup from a ski slope in Aspen Colorado, Ms. Fonda denied the rumors. "Saying that I'm not coaching the team is ridiculous. Look, I'm coaching John Brain right now!" The camera then panned over to John Brain, just as he soared through the air over a mogul. "I'm the King of the world!" he screamed, just before losing control through the front window of the ski lodge. Back home, two woman watching the Knights practice, Mrs. Olive Spamm, of Leeds, and her companion, Mrs. Evvy Dent, were unimpressed. "Sure they've won two in a row," Olive snorted, "but they haven't looked very good doing it, now have they?" Evvy concurred, "No, they really haven't. Some of them don't even try. During halftime of last week's match I heard that they were watching 'Wallace and Gromit' in the locker room." Olive did suggest that the Knights might benefit from an improved diet of nutritional supplements, intensified focus on the kicking game and some skilled manicures. "I mean, really, they look like the characters from that horrid 'Battlefield: Earth' movie with big claws for hands. Honestly, does make sense that aliens can make spaceships to travel the galaxy but they know nothing of personal hygiene? Rack off." As with most teams, the Knights have prospered under the additional two weeks of rest. John Schmeh was finally able to finish knitting that new quilt of his and the barbershop quartet of John Shania, John Sorvino, John Agoraphobia and John Chris took first place at the Annual Manix Activities Zucchini-growers Invitational and Nonsense Gala. Master of ceremonies was Neve Campbell and she, as per the gala rules and tradition, immediately banned Kitty Chan and her improper ilk, from the vicinity. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- >From the pages of the Manix News Digest: The Manix Ministry of Humoring Non-Manix SPARF Managers announced late yesterday that, after spending three weeks in investigating the suspicious death of Rockdale player Steve Gibson, the following facts have come to light: - Gibson and Laura Palmer had a short-lived romance during the late 80s and was questioned at one point by Special Agent Dale Cooper. - Gibson was reportedly Nick Leeson's "Right Hand Man" on the trading floor for the now defunct Baring's Bank. - Before the time of his death, Gibson was under suspicion by the Rockdale Organised Crimes unit for gambling debts due to excessive TinHead speculation. - John Spleen was photographed in a Buffalo NY Walgreen's buying a prescription for Valtrex, a suppressive therapy for genital herpes. Rockdale Radishes coach, Big Radish, is reportedly unhappy with the progress of the Manix side of the inquiry. Manix investigators responded by promising to redouble their efforts in fabricating more interesting facts in the future. In other news, Kitty Chan has been seen at Sky Bar dancing with John Spleen. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- The altar fire glared amid the Antarctic winter darkness like a fire in a really dark place. Stark shadows were cast about the empty=20 stadium. Or was it empty? For an empty stadium it seemed to be pretty full of shadows, flickering, dancing, muttering shadows that somehow conveyed the demand for more blood. The ancient equation of blood =3D victory and victory =3D blood once more proven, who are The Mythstics to stand in the...shadows way? Stoke the altar, bring on the next opponent. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Iz diss tim 2 moov huss? Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Livermore Rowdy Yobbos ------------------------------------------------------- Whoops, missed the press again. Support your Local Team! W L T 5 5 0 Go Rowdy Yobbos!