With the dawn of the twentieth first century upon us, it still amazes me that many couples still find marriage a favored institution, in which two people may join together as a union of one. Even though marriage has survived it’s own withering heights for centuries, this institution still promises the hope of living a life, ‘happily ever after’.

But often, ‘happily ever after’, only exists in fairy tales. The ones which our parents read to us when we were children. The same dreamlike stories where the princess magically meets her prince charming only after she kisses the frog.

Of course, no one enter’s into a the union of marriage and quote those memorable words, “I do”, blindly. But, love being blind will often lead us to the alter, where the bride and groom will stargaze into each others eyes and exchange vows that will last forever. After all, we never plan on a lousy time.

But, what if ‘forever’ is ‘no more’? Surprisingly enough, the majority of first time marriages fail; fifty-four percent as quoted from a network news source and the percentages of a successful second or third time marriage have been increasingly dismal. But, marriage is still a favored institution. It would seem that couples are not only willing, but also glad to make repeated trips to the alter, until they get it right.

I believe, ‘happily ever after’ to ‘happy to be gone’, roots back prior to the day that we say “I do”. In my view, it is simply to easy to get married. Suppose, it was as difficult to achieve marriage as it is to dissolve one?  What if the law of the land required pre-marriage counseling prior to acquiring a marriage license? Such counseling could be in an open discussion environment covering such topics as: money management and acquiring a financial future, how to fight fair, raising and disciplining children. The concept of ‘honoring each other’ and the significance of individual respect and dignity. Just possibly, the newlyweds might be better tooled for the battlegrounds that will ly ahead.

If by chance circumstances changes ‘happily ever after’ to ‘happy to be gone’, how do you plan for that? Shouldn’t this issue have been brought to the forefront prior to saying “I do”? Otherwise, what is your back up plan if your prince charming turns back into a frog? Usually the newly weds are too busy planing there big event. So much so, that they are blind to anything else. The average cost a couple will spend on what is suppose to be ‘the most important day of there life’, there wedding, is twenty six thousand dollars. It seem’s to me that would be a sizable down payment to a house, or a good size dent in a college education.

It would seem reasonable to assume that marriage should also be looked upon as a wealth building institution that a couple can engage in over there life time together. And, also an economic risk, because of the effects of a divorce and it’s associated high cost. Delaying marriage to take the time necessary to achieve some degree of financial independence, such as a career, could off set the effects of good intentions gone sour.

According to a recent study at Rutgers University, “Sex Without Strings, Relationships Without Rings”, Americans in there late twenties do not believe that love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage. Young adults are choosing casual sex over courtship and matrimony. Can you blame them? With all the risk factors involved in making a marriage successful, who wants to step up and say “I do”?

The study also continues to state, that men still wanted the single life, where as women were more serious about finding a husband, but more disenchanted about their chances of landing a good one. Women were more pessimistic and have grown very distrustful of men, because men were more immature and less goal oriented.  One reason for this may suggest that women are more sure of themselves. Otherwise, why should I put myself through that kind of hell, if it’s not going to work?

In any case, marriage should be well thought out prior to being bombarded with rice. It is not bed of roses, some would claim. It is more like a chess game. In which all the chess pieces are issues of conflict, each piece being maneuvered for a stronger bargaining position. All of which we call compromise. Marriage vows usually include the words, “Till death do you part.” In the real sense, a marriage usually ends when the King dies or the Queen picks up all the pieces and throws them at him.

As I reflect upon these views with the foresight of twenty - twenty hind site vison, I still find the institution of marriage to be favorable and in so being, I too, would still blindly walk down that isle and recite those memorable words “I think so... I mean I do!” For it is wonderful to be in love and even more grand to be loved. After all, you never plan on a lousy time.

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