Subject: FW: Late breaking news...
Date: Tue, 19 Dec 2000 10:41:53 -0800
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BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT
Bush to be smitten later today.
In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one
nation, under
God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last night's
Supreme
Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush. "I'm not
sure
where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a rare
Today
Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not going to lie back and
let Bush
get away with this."
"I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote
count in
Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know exactly
who voted
for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly
20,219 votes."
Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict
overrules
the official electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore,
giving
him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word
for
possible grounds for appeal.
"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign
strategist Jim
Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential
Election is
unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the constitution of the
state of
Florida." "Jim Baker's a fool," God responded. "He's got some
surprises
ahead of him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean."
God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct,
explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no
grounds
to give the White House to "an idiot."
Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W.
Bush's prideful ways and announced that he would officially smite
him today.
In an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God
has taken
all of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and
possessions, forced the former presidential candidate into hard
labor in a
salt mine, and afflicted him with deep boils.
Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.