Why I Left

A.f.k.a. Persimmon's Former Faerie Home Page

Last major mod 26 May, 2000, minor mod 20 Sept 2006.

Warning:

If you are uncomfortable reading about gay men, LEAVE NOW!!

It's love's illusions I recall, I really don't know love at all. --Joni Mitchell

Why I Fell Away from the Faeries

The process of withdrawal has been gradual, and is ongoing. It has mostly to do with asking myself which groups of folk are furthering my life, and which seem to be an hindrance.

When I first found the faeries, I thought I had finally found "home," and shared this discovery with great enthusiasm. And, yes, I did find many kindred spirits there, and yes, alas, now many of them are no longer on Earth.

At the same time, some things irked me from the very beginning, and 10-15 years down the line, you begin to realize that these things are not likely to change. So you maybe change, maybe leave.

As time goes on, I find I have more in common with those who used to be faeries, and left, than with those who remain.

Also the idea of "faerie" has lost its focus on men loving men, and has become "polygender." Although I am sympathetic to other genders, I do not identofy with them.

Top Thirteen List

13. The idiotic chorusing of one's name after one gives it. Dale Carnegie in gushy tones.
12. I really don't like cerise and magenta all that much.
11. There is nothing in me that has a 17-inch waist. I don't worship the goddess "Malibubarbie" or an artifact made in a sweatshop.
10. I didn't learn much from wearing a dress, maybe a degree more empathy from wimn who wear culturally imposed garments, but no earthshaking transformation. Maybe a few things from those who dressed me. The Breitenbush Gathering especially has become more of a drag show than a healing circle.
9. Knee-jerk anti-Christianity. It's the sort of sloppy thinking, more below, that conflates all Christians with the worst hypocritical fundamentalists, who are not Christians at all! Out of a billion or so folk, there are at least some who are doing a good job of rising from the grass roots and leaving the hierarchs behind! Thinking in slogans...
8. Lacking appreciation for high art and culture. Drag shows seem to be the highest aesthetic. Only broad comedy goes down in no-talent shows. A few exceptions, say, who appreciate Bach or Shakespeare, or anything that has some intellectual depth to it. It goes and in hand with anti-intellectualism, and inherits from contemporary materialist values.
7. Extremes of flakiness and non-commitment. Folks saying they'll do something, not following through, and getting irritated and dissed for "having expectations" if you remind them of it.
6. Reactionary Newage-ism. The poor "created their own poverty," not the capitalists who exploit them. Fundamentalist belief in reincarnation. A whole gamut of superstitious nonsense, from the latest playing-card oracle, to diagnosis by swinging a pendulum.
5. Lack of support for committed relationships. There seems to be this ideology of "living in the moment" that frowns on commitment. I'm no patriarch, but to throw out mutually agreeable commitment is to me a road to a shallow and trivial life. Could we not tolerate a diversity of relationship styles?
4. Low (or selective) political consciousness. Some support Sweatshop Nike even as they go on about Animal Rights. A few voted for Reagan. 'Nuff said.
3. Anti-intellectual. Why is it that so many consider that speaking from the heart is equivalent to being irrational. I remember being in circle, and trying to share an insight about quantum mechanics and subject-SUBJECT. Rather than hear what I had to say I got catcalled with "speak from your heart!" This old and wrongheaded idea that heart equals brainlessness. Harry Hay, Will Roscoe, and some others are exceptional in this regard. Some faeries claim to worship nature, yet my lifelong studies of deep mysteries of nature (physis is a Greek word for an animal vagina, of which em>natura was the Latin equivalent) are unintersting. If it takes mental work to understand, it must not be important...
2. Discrimination based on looks is as much a part of the faerie scene as it is of the predominant gay male subculture. All that sex at gatherings doesn't include you if you're old, or fat, or hairy, or bald or..., Forget it if you don't fit into a size six... The Golden Boys who have eyes only for their kind, and if you're not on their "to do" list, you don't exist. That's MISTER Morlock to you, eloi.
1.The faeries broke my heart. "Too bad you fell in love, but you're not blond and six feet two." Despite what they say, my feelings don't seem to matter as much as their "notions." Unless maybe you're their type...

artwit formerly known as
Marvelous Troll Persimmon a/k/a David Kerlick Personal Page