--------------------- Press from Mel's Desk --------------------- The ladder will come out after work tonight. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the New Sturt Blues ------------------------------------------------------- Damn. For the second time in 7 years, I forgot to get my orders in last week. NSBlues year 7 starts here. This will be the final year of the Blues in their current incarnation. Next year... who knows? Film at 11. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- Unbeaten so far this season the clerics are on a high! end ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Darwin Destroyers ------------------------------------------------------- The management of the Destroyers only has one thing to say to the baseless accusations of the Japanese carrion-eaters: pffffft! To the rest of Silver, we'll gladly accept donations for distracting Himeji from what should be their real purpose, beating all of you! Coach Nelson had to be given his medication before today's press conference so he will not be available to make a statement, thank god. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- Going into the season the Knights plan to use a strategy favored by their predecessors of the late 70s (as well as the current Maulers) and submit a random lineup. All those opposing the Knights are warned in advance that they shouldn't expect to emerge unscathed or unhospitalized after facing this ridiculously overmatched and poorly trained squad. The Knights will focus on injuries this year! Either that, or we're gonna be really good. I'd lay 9:5 on the former. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- ============ How "Scouting Reports" Will Work This Season ============ There are two sections to this, one for veteran managers and one for newer managers. The veterans won't need to read this whole thing since it's already stuff they know. ============ Here's the information for veteran managers: Manix is doing cable again this year. Send your scouting reports to bleach@eskimo.com with the Subject WMNX:youremailaddress and your scouting report as the body. There should be no line breaks except after the Age column (where they should occur anyway). I'll send out whatever I have by 12:30 EST Mondays or 17:30 GMT Mondays or 03:30 Sydney time Tuesdays. I'm going to be strict about this cutoff, so please don't be late. ============ Some Background on the SPARF Cable Service ============ For those managers who are new to SPARF, scouting reports on the teams that you play can be made available. Every week after a match, Mel sends out the results of the match, and the lineups of your team and your opponent's team. Exact point values are replaced by adjectives (to add some mystery), so you'll get a file like this: Player Name Mark Kick Scram Defense Age LFP Tris Speaker TRIFC OUTST TRIFC POOR 3 FF Gary Bettenhausen OUTST OUTST GREAT AVG 3 RFP David Dunsmuir TRIFC OUTST VGOOD POOR 5 LHF Gavin Wanganeen OUTST TRIFC VGOOD GOOD 4 CHF Jim Rhodes OUTST OUTST TRIFC OUTST 4 RHF Cliff Secord OUTST TRIFC TRIFC GOOD 4 LW Hans Ravensburg AVG POOR AVG LOUSY 0 C Hale Irman OUTST VGOOD VGOOD VGOOD 5 RW Stefan Sperlich VGOOD AVG LOUSY MDCRE 0 LHB Peter Johansson POOR AVG AVG GOOD 0 CHB Ed Settera TRIFC GOOD MDCRE VGOOD 6 RHB Helmut Ruger MDCRE MDCRE POOR MDCRE 0 LBP Ted Tingle TRIFC VGOOD VGOOD TRIFC 5 FB Dietrich BonHoeffer TRIFC TRIFC VGOOD OUTST 5 RBP Larry Zeel GOOD VGOOD MDCRE GOOD 6 ROV Lynn StJames SUPRB GREAT GREAT GREAT 3 RKM Zack Wheat EXCPT EXCPT GREAT EXCPT 3 RKR Josef Mueller TRIFC TRIFC TRIFC VGOOD 5 IC1 Heinrich Strecker AVG POOR AVG MDCRE 0 IC2 Warmer Korper Ein PTHTC PTHTC PTHTC PTHTC 5 IC3 Warmer Korper Zwei PTHTC PTHTC PTHTC PTHTC 5 .. along with the same thing for your opponent's team (both of them will be in one file). Now, what the cable service will do for you is give you a central place to send your opponent's half of the file, and in return for sending your opponent's scouting report, you will receive all of the other scouting reports that other managers have sent to the cable service. Participation in the cable service has been quite good, so there's always a chance that the scouting report for your opponent next week will be included in the weekly cable service. ============ Fundamentals ============ 1) Participation in the cable service is entirely voluntary. You do not have to participate at all, and if you participate this week, you don't have to participate next week. 2) The cable service is not not not not not something that Munch handles. Do NOT send scout reports to Munch. Instead, send them to Dave, whose address is bleach@eskimo.com The cable service is completely independent of Munch. 3) If you send in your opponent's scouting report to the cable service, you will get all of the other scouting reports that have been mailed in for that week. This will include teams outside of your division. This can be especially instructive for new managers, since they will be able to see how Gold managers and other veteran managers structure their teams. ============ How to Participate ============ If you'd like to participate, this is what you need to do: after you have received your post-match scouting report from Munch, send an e-mail to bleach@eskimo.com with the Subject WMNX:youremailaddress (and if I get email from someone who takes the above Subject line literally, I will hurt you). In the body of your message, include only your opponent's portion of the scouting report. Please do not send me anything with weirdo tabs or line breaks other than the ones in the original Munch message. I have to do this by hand, and it'll take much more time to get the cable together if your mailer thinks it's clever. Scouting reports will go out every Monday starting after the first match and continuing until the SPARF Cup. If your scouting report isn't in by the Monday morning deadline, then you'll have to wait until the following week or mooch the scouting report off of someone else. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- Mythster Ed hammered the last nail into the crate and stood back to suck his thumb reflectively. "Dang thing's sealed up tighter'n a ..." "Thanks Ed," Venusia interrupted anxiously. "Ship it out as soon as = possible." Ed nodded agreement and sighed wistfully. "I'd kinda got to like this = ol' ice sculpture of Commissioner Mel, Venny. Seems a shame to be sending it all = the way to the U.S. of A. Won't it melt or somethin'?" "It didn't melt in here, Ed, and we keep the temperature at a constant = 22.5 degrees Celsius in the Press Crypt. But don't worry, it will be well... received = in San=20 Francisco. It has, er, served it's purpose here." With that, Venusia = faded into the shadows and was gone. Ed scratched his jaw philosophically. He replaced the hammer in his tool = belt,=20 picked up a broom and began sweeping out the room. In one dark corner = the broom struck something with a sharp ting! sound. Ed bent to pick up a dull = metallic object. "Well I'll be!" he muttered, turning it over in his hands. With = a=20 broad grin he placed on his head a helmet from which sprouted numerous = wires and electrodes. "I'm an alien, I'm an alien" he began to hum to himself = in time=20 with his broom strokes the wires springing and tinging along with him. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Air-Pacific Groundhogs ------------------------------------------------------- Excitement at the start of the season has reached a fever pitch as fans literally mob the Conservatory for a chance to see the mighty forces of Air Pacific toil their way through Dr. Nemeth's Music History Class. In a way, it is a higher standard of train- ing - anyone that lives through the bloody gauntlet of Nemeth's classes can probably live through anything... This is KUOP, severing the Central Valley and Mother Lode areas. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Port Coquitlam Circus Stars ------------------------------------------------------- We'd like to say that the Circus Stars are ready for the opening game in two days time. We'd LIKE to say that, but unfortunately the truth is that half the players still haven't reported to camp, and those that have are overweight, out of shape, and wearing hockey skates. We therefore predict a victory for whatever team is lucky enough to play us before we get our act together. Hopefully they won't read this press and will be intimidated by playing the 'defending champions'. Naw, didn't think so.