SPARF: Press week 15 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- This is the game the punters have been waiting all season for. It's the closest thing to a grand-final we have in silver. Tuff Guy will face a fitness test before this game... The win last week has assured the clerics that a draw will be enough to finish on top of the silver table. It's all new territory for Christminster. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Darwin Destroyers ------------------------------------------------------- Ouch! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- GOLD An average week for TinHead overall. There were 4 upsets in Gold but only 1 in Silver last round. TinHead offers the following odds for the coming round: Port Coquitlam Circus Stars 4/1 v Victorian Mandarins 1/5 Uluru Dingoes 2/1 v New Sturt Blues 2/5 Petawawa Purple Platypi 4/7 v Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 6/4 California Sluggers 5/4 v Black Company 8/13 Seren City Supers 4/5 v Limboland Mists EVENS Krazy Kenora Kangari 1/2 v Buffalo Knights 13/8 Nar Nar Goon 2/9 v The Mythstics 7/2 Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 7/2 v Darwin Destroyers 2/9 SILVER CSUA 1/30 v Newcastle Novas 20/1 Himeji Herons 4/5 v Christminster Clerics EVENS Wallamaloo Philosophers 5/4 v Roxburgh Kittens 4/6 Air-Pacific Groundhogs 4/5 v Sherwood Bandits 4/5 Warrnambool Sea Hawks 11/2 v Manix Maulers 1/7 Silicon Valley Angels 4/6 v Melbourne Bloods 5/4 Daveland Warriors 7/2 v Rockdale Radishes 2/9 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- Time for the big match. Who is worthy to be called top-dog in Silver for season 2000? It will be interesting to see Tin-Head's prediction for this week's top of the table clash between the Herons and the Clerics, as on paper there is very little seperating the two sides. In the past two games, we've both played the Novas and the CSUA, with both of scoring similarly in points for and points against. The crucial deciding factor will be injuries. Full forward Micheal Lloyd will miss this week (and may not play again this season), and the Cleric's Bill Ponsford (also Full Forward?) also suffered an injury last week. Will it keep him from playing? The closeness of this game is such that a draw is probably the most fitting result - although if we're gonna get that close, we may as well win! Prediction: Clerics by 9 points. Meanwhile, the Destroyers will play a meaningless game. We hope they win, just to spite them! Chris Paragreen Manager, Himeji Herons "Gambaroh Himeji! Hustle! Hustle! Hustle!" ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- The Knights lost to the Mists. Most Knights players are blaming the loss on the two guys who got hurt in the first half. Those two players feel very bad right now because if the team doesn't make the Cup finals it'll be all their fault. Funny thing about the playoffs. The Knights are in 7th right now, outside looking in. The Knights could win - and still not make the playoffs. Then again, the Knights could lose - and still get in. Back home in Buffalo, two woman watching the Knights practice, Mrs. Olive Spamm, of Leeds, and her companion, Mrs. Evvy Dent, were joined by Neve Campbell. "Sure the game situation is confusing. Giving me a headache, that's what it's doing." Olive confessed. "They have a chance though," Neve added, trying to be supportive, "they might win and get in." Evvy sipped her tea and thanked the gods of post-season posturing for last week's draw. "That's fewer teams that'll be stuck in tie-breaking scenarios." As with most teams, the Knights have no idea how they'll get into the playoffs so they've focused this week on getting drunk out of their minds and being silly in Manix. So far the only drunken notions brought to the table are tainting the Manix water table with yellow dye and promising Manix citizens a nude Neve sighting and then delivering Bea Arthur instead. Someone suggested the yellow dye idea again. Someone also suggested a Foghat reunion tour. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- >From the pages of Manix Entertainment Weekly: Amidst a huge throng of well-wishers and single moms demanding child support, Manix's favorite wayward son, Smilin' Pete Zinger arrived at Manix International Airport yesterday morning. Smilin' Pete, the Manix Maulers' occasional press secretary, was moved to tears by the huge show of support. "Hey.. [sniff].. What's new with you people?" When asked about his whereabouts for the entire Manix season, Smilin' Pete was evasive. "Hey, I had some stuff to 'take care of'," this last appearing in air-quotes. "Anybody want a used copy of Atlas Shrugged?" Manix officials are generally pleased of Smilin' Pete's return. One such official, who asked for anonymity, said "Wherever he is, wars break out. He's great for a war-based economy like ours." ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- When Venusia made her customary smoke shrouded entrance to the Press = Crypt the assembled media representatives yawned indifferently. When the late = Coach Walt spoke through Venusia they snored on. When Venusia gazed deeply into her = crystal ball and predicted snow they barely twitched. But when Ed rolled out the = tea trolley they jumped to their feet and stormed across the room. An army, = it is said, marches on its stomach and the Sparf press corps know the drill.