------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Melbourne Bloods ------------------------------------------------------- After a few weeks of inaction due to holidays and an appendix operation, I'm back.... Chris Paragreen: Beat me - hah. I laugh in your general direction. Bring your Herons on and prepare for a flogging! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- There are many questions being asked by locals about why we only just got up against Manix. King Sunny settled no unrest with comments like, " a win is a win is a win" and "manix are a good team (for crankers!)" ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- Offering odds at this point of the season based on only two rounds of results is completely ludicrous. Just to prove it, this is what TinHead is offering. Hopefully they correspond to this week's matches. GOLD The Mythstics 500/1 v Port Coquitlam Circus Stars --- Nar Nar Goon 10000/1 v Victorian Mandarins --- Uluru Dingoes --- v Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 10000/1 New Sturt Blues --- v Darwin Destroyers 10000/1 Limboland Mists 10000/1 v Petawawa Purple Platypi --- Seren City Supers --- v Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 100/1 Buffalo Knights --- v California Sluggers 10000/1 Krazy Kenora Kangari --- v Black Company 500/1 SILVER Rockdale Radishes 10000/1 v CSUA --- Daveland Warriors 10000/1 v Newcastle Novas --- Himeji Herons --- v Windy Hill Superstars 10000/1 Manix Maulers --- v Wallamaloo Philosophers 10000/1 Warrnambool Sea Hawks 10000/1 v Roxburgh Kittens --- Melbourne Bloods 10000/1 v Air-Pacific Groundhogs --- Silicon Valley Angels 10000/1 v Sherwood Bandits --- ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- Our sympathies go out to the Philosophers this week, who felt the wrath of the Sea Hawks. We can at least take heart that the Sea Hawks this year are a pack of thugs, and not that our training routine is completely up the creek. There is still significant evidence to support the latter, however. We'd also like to take this opportunity to offer some words of encouragement to the rookie teams. You've really been thrown to the wolves this year, so don't be upset by the margins when you're playing the upper echelons of the league. Work on your training so you can beat the other rookies toward the end of the season. Yes, you guessed, this is a not-so-well-disguised taunt to the Windy Hill Superstars - we're gonna whip your butts this week!!!! (You can take heart that as an avid Essendon supporter, I'll not enjoy it.) The surprise packet so far is the form of the Bloods. Paul, what are you doing? Are you saving your team for when you take us on? ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Roxburgh Kittens ------------------------------------------------------- Alright, who decided it was "Pick on the Rookie" day? Two of the new players were greeted roughly into the league, it would seem. Hopefully, they won't decide to retire as a result. On the brighter side, while the Melbourne Bloods were living up to their name on that corner of the field, Jason Baldwin was able to score 7 Goals from Center Half Forward! Not bad for an aging one time Center. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- The Knights' celebration of their first win of the season was overshadowed by the detection of a large meteor crashing to earth. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- >From the pages of the Manix News Digest: At a hastily assembled press conference late yesterday, Manix Press Secretary, Smilin' Pete Zinger, responded to allegations that Manix operatives poisoned the Wallamaloo Philosophers' Gatorade last week. "Hey, I don't remember. Who can keep track of such things? Just because we play the Phils this week and most of their players had severe haemoptysis last week and Manix is the world's leading exporter of haemoptysis-causing pharmaceuticals doesn't mean that we just limited ourselves to poisoning their Gatorade." "Smilin' Pete, did Manix crytographers intercept the Heron's confidential scouting report for this week against the Windy Hill Superstars?" "Hey, the security flaws in everyone else's communication technology are up for exploitation. Just like Richard Roundtree. I think that's our mission statement or something." Smilin' Pete, after deferring all other questions to the Republic of Manix's Adjunct Secretary of Roger Corman, wrote "Tony Lockett needs a flea collar" and "Vote John Spleen: He's Spleeny" on the overhead projector. Doctors have agreed to review Smilin' Pete's medication at some point. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- Two wins from two games - Coach Walt Dythney was too, ah, exhausted to speak to the press this week. Madame Venusia didn't explain how a ghost could be "exhausted" but she did express her wish that the players would be refreshed for this week's game. "Winter draws nigh, and the boys need to keep up their strength for braving the Antarctic cold."=20 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Port Coquitlam Circus Stars ------------------------------------------------------- Watch the Circus Stars plummet down the rankings!! -------------------------------------------------- Week two: Circus Stars Fall Two (2) Places! After being outchanced and outclassed by the Nar Nar Goon, the Circus Stars eked out a victory, but still managed to fall two places in the standings. Congratulations to everyone who had successful predictions. Interestingly, Madame Venusia declined to make a prediction, calling into question whether she actually possess any psychic ability, or is merely collecting a paycheck for doing nothing. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Weez wuz zo hape 4 beetn da KKK dat we dun 4got 2 rite pres las week. But da par T iz 0fer, an lukin 0fer R sholders, da wes koste die nasties R rite on R tale n da lad'r. Loopy Creature Hap-E 2 B bak.