SPARF: Press week 6 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Melbourne Bloods ------------------------------------------------------- Well the Bloods trip away coffers are well stocked after backing themselves at 1000-1 to roll the Sherwood Bandits. Now bring on the Radishes, By the time the Bloods have finished with them, they'll be chopped into a salad!!!! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- Jude Frawley (club president) was brandishing the conspiracy word freely after the match (before visiting Spud Frazer in hospital). He said far too much to quote in full, but included comments like: "Clearly the WousyHill AnythingbutStars were deliberately avoiding the footy! Some serious competitor must have put them up to it. We lost players with repetative strain injury from kicking goals! An investigation must be launched." In a more relaxed frame (despite the lack of man-power left for next week), coach King Sunny simply observed "we've gotta learn when to stop burying a team and start thinking about next week!" end ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- A better week for TinHead, as there were only 2 upsets in Gold and 2 in Silver last round. Unfortunately, one of those was quite "bloody". TinHead offers the following odds for the coming round: GOLD Port Coquitlam Circus Stars EVENS v Buffalo Knights 4/5 Victorian Mandarins 9/2 v Krazy Kenora Kangari 1/6 Uluru Dingoes 8/13 v The Mythstics 5/4 Nar Nar Goon 4/5 v New Sturt Blues 4/5 Petawawa Purple Platypi --- v Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 500/1 Darwin Destroyers 9/1 v Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 1/11 California Sluggers 4/9 v Limboland Mists 7/4 Black Company EVENS v Seren City Supers 8/11 SILVER CSUA 1/60 v Melbourne Bloods 40/1 Newcastle Novas 4/9 v Silicon Valley Angels 7/4 Himeji Herons 1/50 v Rockdale Radishes 33/1 Daveland Warriors 5000/1 v Christminster Clerics --- Wallamaloo Philosophers --- v Windy Hill Superstars 100/1 Air-Pacific Groundhogs 2/1 v Manix Maulers 4/11 Sherwood Bandits 1/50 v Warrnambool Sea Hawks 33/1 Never bet on an event in which the participants can speak. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- An emphatic win last week over the Daveland Warriors, with the Herons kicking 200+ for the first time this season. While the high score pleased coach Kevin Shady, he expressed concern that 31 behinds was not acceptable. "I'm pleased that we kicked a high score, but I'm concerned that 31 behinds is just not acceptable. The opposition fielded only 21 players, so whose were the other 10 behinds?" The main culprits were stand-in on-ballers Pika Chuu (6.9) and Anpan Man (3.6), but Kitty Chan was quickly forgiven for her return of 2.4 because, well, she looks so cute so how could anyone stay angry with her for long? Actually, full credit should go to her direct opponent, Full Back Glen Jacovich, with his clever use of a vanity mirror to distract Kitty during her shots at goal. An even bigger coup, perhaps, was when he used the same mirror to great effect on Peter Sommers. Peter will be rested this week against the Radishes as he overcomes a minor groin strain. And what about those Radishes? Two wins on the board (and a shock win to the Bloods), but Shady seems unperturbed. He sees it as the Herons' duty to put these upstarts back in their boxes. "It really is the Herons' duty to put these upstarts back in their boxes. Next week we're gonna make coleslaw outta these guys." Chris Paragreen Manager, Himeji Herons "Gambaroh Himeji! Hustle! Hustle! Hustle!" ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Krazy Kenora Kangari ------------------------------------------------------- Loopy Creature heer. Weez haz takin kon troll uv da KKK an weez iz nut gunna giv eet up dis week. An ee ween bi da KKK kan cunt 4 da PPP. Loopy Creature PPP & KKK ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- How did the Knights beat the Black Company? Many players had opinions, but not a lot of deep, inspired insight. John Deadpool sez "We just outhustled them on defense." John Hotshot sez "That club is just unlucky I guess." John Spleen sez "We won because Ron Dibble throws at people's heads." The Knights' win makes them the lowest ranked 4-1 team in the league. Not surprising since they keep winning by only a dozen, just squeaking by. GM Bridget Fonda was optimistic "As long as the checks keep going out to the scorekeeper, we should be just fine." In local news, Manix Press Secretary Smilin' Pete Zinger was arrested in Buffalo, charged with heresy. Apparently the completely insane Pete was claiming that the actresses on the WB's "Charmed" are -not- all totally gorgeous. Medical experts were called in from Kenora to confirm that Pete can't possibly be sane enough to stand trial. This week the Knights face the Circus Stars. Agents from the Spelling compound were dispatched in a secret operation to confound and destroy the Port Club. Their weapon? Tori's acting. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- >From the pages of The Manix Times-Courant-Bugle-Herald-Bee: Coach Lucy Goes Under the Knife Manix footy head coach Lucy The Goat had elective coronary bypass surgery over the weekend. Coach Lucy had complained of chest pains after eating a tin of shredded aluminum followed by a jar of beets. Coach Lucy's personal veterinarian, Butcher Bob The Butcher reported that Lucy was recovering nicely and that the evening's scheduled barbeque arrangements were postponed. CHB Leo Wittgenstein said the usual drivel about rallying behind Coach Lucy, but no one's microphones were on for an accurate quote. Next up for Manix: The 'Hoggies, led by everybody's favorite paranoid flautist, Laura Schwendinger. In other news, Tony Lockett and Gary Ablett have been set free in the Mabula Game Preserve and are reportedly doing well, except that their flea problem is back. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Tooze lav 'L' 3 treps 2 da hops pit al. Wee duz nut tink dat weez wans 2 pla doze guize a gan. Dis wek Ize iz gunna tri 2 hurtsum warm boddees. Loopy Creature ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Rockdale Radishes ------------------------------------------------------- Another big win for the Radishes, this time over the weakened Newcastle Novas, in a game that interestingly pitted two 1yo mobiles against two 9yo mobiles! I didn't realise you could still be alive as a 9yo!! Needless to say, Rockdale's youth proved the difference and many a joyous radish was eaten by all in the post match celebrations! Two wins in a row for the Radishes side as our season starts to gain some momentum. Unfortunately injuries have hit us hard this week for our clash with the undefeated Himeji Herons but we still hope to at least be competitive! Training this week has been focussed on identifying Himeji's weaknesses and we'd like to thank the Darwin Destroyer's coaching staff for their assistance at training this week and their wealth of knowledge in this area!!!