------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Sherwood Bandits ------------------------------------------------------- We won the match, and the fight :) ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- Training was light this week as the boys prepare to get burnt by the fire. Our downward plummet begins this week. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- Gold Havana Spaz Attack 9/1 v Victorian Mandarins 1/12 Giant Redwoods --- v Black Company 100/1 Petawawa Purple Platypi 1/7 v Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 5/1 Port Coquitlam Circus Stars --- v California Sluggers 100/1 The Mythstics 4/9 v Viking Raiders 15/8 CSUA 6/1 v Uluru Dingoes 1/8 Buffalo Knights 12/1 v Greymoor Gladiators 1/15 New Sturt Blues 13/4 v Spring Creek Piranhas 1/4 Silver Silicon Valley Angels 6/4 v Air-Pacific Groundhogs 8/15 Sherwood Bandits 1/14 v Roxburgh Kittens 12/1 Nar Nar Goon 15/8 v Limboland Mists 4/9 Christminster Clerics EVENS v Indiana Fire 8/11 Warrnambool Sea Hawks 1/3 v Wallamaloo Philosophers 9/4 The Borg 4/1 v Krazy Kenora Kangari 1/5 Manix Maulers 4/11 v Seren City Supers 9/4 Chattanooga Crusaders 100/1 v The St. Louis Cattle --- Bronze Himeji Herons 4/5 v Darwin Destroyers EVENS Newcastle Novas --- v Adelaide Hornets 2000/1 Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 1/33 v Albion All-stars 25/1 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- No time for a long press report this week. The result speaks for itself (how did Albion get so bad (their highest stat was AVG!)?) although hospitalisation hurts. Perhaps they need to get Sheedy off the field and into the coaches box ...? Himeji 7. 5 15.14 20.22 24.27.171 Albion 0. 0 0. 1 1. 2 2. 2. 14 Goals - Himeji: Thorfin 5; Collins 4; BigToe, Sommers 3; Cummins, Llyod, Mercury, Symmons 2; Harvy. Albion: Charles, Dean. Best - Himeji: Collins, Cummins, Darcie, Lang, Mercury, Thorfin. Albion : Charles, Dean, Knights, Neeld, Pitura, Torney. Crowd: 12,324 at Himeji This Week: The Herons can't afford to drop one in their quest for second. With McDonald out against the thug Destroyers, it could be tough. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Aldelaide Hornets ------------------------------------------------------- As expected, back to our usual ways last week against the Technocrats......... This week, I'm out to attempt to beat my record against the Novas and not get beat by 15 goals!!!!!!!! Hopefully I can do that at least!!!!! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- Following their recent dismantling by the Mythstics, overall morale was shaky deep inside the newly constructed Super Secret Buffalo Footy Facility. Bridget Fonda complimented her team's recent courageous performance, despite being totally outclassed in virtually every facet of the game except grass stains, messed up hair and reported-on-video complaints. "We got tossed around pretty bad, but at least no one got hurt." was her comment, but rumors from deep inside the organization state that changes are coming and that some of the older players are going to be sacked/broken/sold to Manix. "Yes, we knew coming in that the team would eventually release some of us older guys," confessed Amos Nomer, "but we all fear that note from the Turk!" Channel 59 sports announcer Gem Shapiro reported that half of the Knights team was up for bid, but that silly story was denied vehemently. In fact, even teams other than the Knights denied those ridiculous trade rumors. Later in the day, Gem Shapiro was seen on a flight to cover footy news - at the North Pole. The players up for trade were not told, but rather simply had their lockers cleaned out by the housekeeping staff, who mailed their gear to the Republic of Manix Charitable Donation and Data Processing Center, for distribution. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the pages of the Manix Underground Paranoid Conspirator, featuring sports by The Persecuted Sports Fan: People, in shall we say "high places", are not in the least bothered by the MASS GENOCIDE and MIND CONTROL being practiced on the human population this century by the CIA, MICROSOFT CORPORATION, and the MANIX MAULERS FOOTY CLUB. Radio stations broadcast on frequencies of audible sound, i.e. FM 92.5 or whatever. Well, all the way down the frequency scale we come to 1 MHz or whatever, and then we get to frequencies of INAUDIBLE SOUND. In other words, there are frequencies of sound that are BEYOND THE CAPACITY of our ears to pick up, i.e. SILENT SOUND. When you hear yourself think sometimes, you'll know what I mean. Anyway, believe it or not, if you can broadcast on frequencies of audible sound, YOU CAN BROADCAST ON FREQUENCIES OF INAUDIBLE SOUND too, and anyone with enough knowledge and technology can virtually find a way to DUPLICATE the entire "thought process" of an individual (if they so choose and know how). This is what they are doing to me every minute of the day for the last eight years. It is continuing right now and will always continue, unless i find a way to stop them. By THEM, I mean the only people with this knowledge and technology are the CIA, MICROSOFT, and the MANIX MAULERS FOOTY CLUB. How else can you explain why the MAULERS WIN? It is because they broadcast SILENT SOUND TO THE OPPOSING TEAMS AND THEY LOSE. This is also the method by which they have committed CERTAIN ATROCITIES which I will name later. ======================================================== Note from Dave: It's amazing how many nifty little facts like these are out on the Web. :) My press next week won't be quite so.. exotic. Unofficial SPARF Home Page: http://lamar.colostate.edu/~ddave/sparf/ ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- Mythstical question: where will it all end? ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Port Coquitlam Circus Stars ------------------------------------------------------- After last weeks massive press report, we thought we'd take it easy this week. Unfortunately, the Circus Star players decided to take it easy on the field as well, getting spanked by the California Giant Redwoods Tough loss for the Circus Stars against the highly regarded California Giant Redwoods. They had an eight-game win streak snapped, and must now try to regroup and get some momentum heading into the playoffs. The game also saw three Circus Stars leave the playing field. Dancing Elephant stepped on her own foot, and had to leave the game early in the second half. Since none of the stretchers could support her weight, a crane had to be brought on the field. Dancing will spend at least one week at the vet. Another stellar performance for the ageless Bounce, in his second straight start, with seven cheap-shots and three intentional elbows. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Steel No tim 4 pres. Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Kuala Lumpur Technocrats ------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Viking Raiders -------------------------------------------------------