------------------------------------------------------- Press from the New Sturt Blues ------------------------------------------------------- Not quite the win we hoped for. We'll just have to beat the Knights by at least 15 goals. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- Not wanting to winge - but last weeks loss seemed as undeserved as the win two weeks ago. I guess it averages out in the long run. There'll be plenty of feeling against the local rivals (being the mists) this week - expect some injuries. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- Gold Victorian Mandarins 9/4 v Giant Redwoods 4/11 Petawawa Purple Platypi 1/80 v California Sluggers 60/1 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 13/4 v Port Coquitlam Circus Stars 1/4 Havana Spaz Attack 4/6 v Black Company 5/4 CSUA 13/1 v The Mythstics 1/16 Spring Creek Piranhas 6/4 v Greymoor Gladiators 8/15 New Sturt Blues 2/9 v Buffalo Knights 7/2 Viking Raiders 4/7 v Uluru Dingoes 6/4 Silver Air-Pacific Groundhogs 6/1 v Sherwood Bandits 1/7 Nar Nar Goon 6/1 v Indiana Fire 1/8 Limboland Mists EVENS v Christminster Clerics 4/5 Silicon Valley Angels 3/1 v Roxburgh Kittens 1/4 The Borg 8/1 v Warrnambool Sea Hawks 1/10 The St. Louis Cattle 4/5 v Seren City Supers EVENS Chattanooga Crusaders 100/1 v Manix Maulers --- Wallamaloo Philosophers 13/4 v Krazy Kenora Kangari 1/4 Bronze Darwin Destroyers 8/15 v Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 6/4 * Newcastle Novas 1/30 v Himeji Herons 20/1 Albion All-stars 15/8 v Adelaide Hornets 2/5 There will be no odds for the next week (or two) as I'll be on holiday interstate. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- One might think that another two injuries would have us really upset. One might think that with any hope of finishing second now destroyed, we are really, really upset. You'd be right. But the game wasn't ALL bad. Look at the score. It wasn't a bad loss, and between the two sides, there were only THREE misses! Hey, this was supposed to be a Bronze match? Where are the fifteen misses per side? Oh well, too little, too late. We're purchasing a shed to cry behind. Herons 4. 2 9. 3 16. 4 20. 7.127 K.L.T. 4. 3 8. 7 16.10 21.11.137 Goals - Herons : Collins 4; BigToe, Cummins, Simon 3; Harvy, Thorfin 2; Lloyd, Mercury, Stanford. K.L.T. : As. Three 9; As. One 5; Al Four 3; Al Ten 2; Al Six, Adam Five. Best - Herons : BigToe, Collins, Cummins, Fletcher, Harvy, Pride. K.L.T. : Al Five, Adam Four, As. One, Adam Three, Al. Three, As. Three. Crowd: 9,565 at Himeji This week: The Herons have a scheduled training session with the Novas. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Aldelaide Hornets ------------------------------------------------------- OUCH!!!!!!! Did anyone get the number of that Darwin Destroyer????? Groan!!!!!! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- Despite a slew of Viking injuries, the Knights' pathetic attack could not muster a victory. Manager Bridget Fonda, reporting from the SSBFF, refused to blame the loss on previous injuries to her team. "Everyone gets hurt at some point but we just aren't putting up any good shots and our weak midsection has more holes than a cheap suit." Team representatives did say that the team should be fully healthy by the time re-league games begin, but the Knights could be facing a tough schedule from the Gold division basement when that rolls around. next week is a tough game with the Blues, who may or may not have a whole roster either. All's quiet on the Manix front. Channel 59 sports announcer Gem Shapiro's body was sent to the Buffalo County Coroner's office, but Medical Examiner/Half-Forward John Deadpool has still not identified either the body, or the cause of death. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- Manix press releases are suspended until the end of the regular season as Dave will be travelling and interviewing for jobs. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- The ashes of another season leave The Mythstics burning the altar sacrifices in a futile bid to recapture the dream of SPARF glory... Ah well, perhaps with the twins off her hands (and into the team) next season, Venusia can exert herself and send the team to great heights. Until then, lets just win this last match and go into post-season play injury free. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Kuala Lumpur Technocrats ------------------------------------------------------- A good game between the Technocrats and Herons. Looks like the battle for 2nd spot has been decided. Fate wasn't smiling on the Herons. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Viking Raiders ------------------------------------------------------- CHOLESTEROL POISONING HITS THE VIKINGS OSLO: Terrible groans can be heard emanating from the Raiders' medical ward this week, signalling severe cases of constipation, diarrohea, and other assorted gastric complaints associated with an overdose of junk food. "It was awful", lamented Head Honcho Uncle Steve. "When I offered free bacon burgers to last week's victorious team, I didn't expect them to go berserk... I guess we learnt a big lesson this week." Not the least of the Viking's worries were several cardiac arrests which hit some players on the field, no doubt due to the severe increase in cholesterol after last week's celebrations. "Four of our players went down with 10 injury points between them. We had to resort to our IC3 player Ghengis to hobble out on his crutches, but he was back within 5 minutes, leaving us undermanned on the field." Despite the horrible ravages wrought to the team, the Raiders still enjoyed a ten goal drubbing of the Knights. (Ni!) "As soon as Sleepy Dwarf collapsed on the turf, clutching his chest, Nurse Ratchet sprung into action. Within minutes Sleepy was swathed in assorted Peanuts (TM) band-aids, was plugged into a life-support machine and was cheerfully sucking on a lemon to boot. When the boys saw Nurse Ratchet striding purposefully across the field, they just lifted their whole game. And though they were dropping like flies, each time it brought Nurse Ratchet out on to the field and the boys lifted just that little bit more. By the time Rocky Road's quivering, spasming body was dragged feet-first from the ground, the boys never looked like losing." Post match celebrations were cancelled due to the number of severe stomach cramps suffered by the team. However the players were happy just to snatch the points. "We did it for Nurse Ratchet", claimed forward Beorn Free from the port-a-potty on which he sat all cramped up. "The boys put in a special effort for her this week after last week's injury-free debacle. True to form, she came out with all guns blazing and led us to victory." "Uluru Dingoes this week", spoke Uncle Steve. "We're gonna get belted - 5 of our regular players will remain here in Nurse Ratchet's loving care until their gastrointestinal tracts resume normal operations & blood cholesterol level drops below that of Elvis Presley. We've got Odin breathing some warmth into 3 cold bodies as I speak. Things do not look good for the upcoming relegation matches." REMEMBER KIDS - JUST SAY _NO_ TO HUNGRY JACK'S