------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Sherwood Bandits ------------------------------------------------------- Now I start getting nervous... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The St. Louis Cattle ------------------------------------------------------- >From the ashes of the St. Louis press room a determined Dano Ho stepped forward to address the assembled. "At this time, we do not know for certain who was responsible for the bombing which destroyed most of the Press room nor why." A face charred and disfigured almost to the point of unrecognizability stepped forward from the crowd. The voice was still recognizably that of Ernest Enterman, in spite of the nasal quality being reduced somewhat since a large potion of his nose had been burnt off. "Have you collected the reports of a group of men wearing the initials "BK" embroidered onto their sweaters asking the way to Manix stadium just minutes before the bombing? "No we haven't," replied a suddently excited and concerned Mr. Ho, "where did you hear that story?" "I was the one they asked," snorted Enrest Enterman. "I told them this was Manix Stadium." "Why on earth did you do that?" gasped Ho. "So they'd stop asking stupid questions. Of course, I have only one guess as to where those 'BK' sweaters came from and who bombed us." "You mean Burger King has declared war on us?" asked Ho. "I'm surrounded by idiots," moaned Enterman as he passed out from after effects of the pain killers given him for his burns. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- Veteran LittleBig Carl may be rested this week, after stretching his hamstring a little. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the CSUA ------------------------------------------------------- Not a win, but at least they got injuries and we didn't. Well, at least the other teams in Gold are happy that my opponents are winning Pyhrric victories. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- Last week the favourite got up in (only) 4 of the Gold matches, 6 of the Silver matches and all of the Bronze matches. Two interesting upsets are predicted in Silver this week. Gold Victorian Mandarins 1/13 v The Mythstics 10/1 CSUA 300/1 v Giant Redwoods --- Greymoor Gladiators 2/5 v Petawawa Purple Platypi 2/1 * California Sluggers 100/1 v Spring Creek Piranhas --- Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 4/6 v Buffalo Knights 5/4 Port Coquitlam Circus Stars 1/14 v New Sturt Blues 12/1 Havana Spaz Attack 4/6 v Viking Raiders 5/4 Black Company 8/11 v Uluru Dingoes EVENS Silver Air-Pacific Groundhogs 4/13 v Warrnambool Sea Hawks 5/2 The Borg 5000/1 v Sherwood Bandits --- Seren City Supers 4/5 v Nar Nar Goon EVENS * Indiana Fire 4/11 v The St. Louis Cattle 2/1 Limboland Mists 11/8 v Manix Maulers 8/13 * Christminster Clerics --- v Chattanooga Crusaders 100/1 Silicon Valley Angels 1/12 v Wallamaloo Philosophers 10/1 Roxburgh Kittens 1/25 v Krazy Kenora Kangari 18/1 Bronze Darwin Destroyers 8/13 v Himeji Herons 11/8 * Adelaide Hornets 10000/1 v Newcastle Novas --- Albion All-stars 17/1 v Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 1/25 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- press: The Herons returned to the winner's list last week with a comfortable win over the Albion All-stars. While happy with the victory, coach Kevin Shady was still critical of the performance of some of the team's players. "The on-ballers were a bit flat today. Especially around goals; 5.5 from 21 shots is a VERY poor return. Che Collins was the biggest villan, 1.2 and 4 misses. Worse still is that he only started to get into the game after his opponent, Cloke, went of injured. Our on-ballers certainly have to lift if we're to beat the Destroyers." Shady is being a bit hard on the young star, though. Any player who takes 8 marks can't have done too badly. Part of the problem is that everyone espects him to do well, so when he puts in an average performance, it looks bad. Elsewhere around the ground, the players dominated, especially in the back-line. Of the All-Stars' score, 2 points were scored in the half-forward line, one from the "interchange", the rest being kicked by the on-ballers. Another solid performance by the back-line is needed against the Destroyers. One surprise to come from the game was for the first time since round 1, there were no injuries to the Himeji Side. Two to the Destroyers against the Novas (*ouch*) will only further enhance the Herons' chance of victory. If they're last encounter is anything to go by, they're going to need all the help they can get. Novas 2. 3 4. 4 5. 6 7. 7. 49 Himeji 4. 5 9.10 12.14 16.17.113 Goals - ALBION: Cloke 4; Wallace 2; Neeld. HIMEJI: BigToe, Buick 3; Mercury, Simon, Thorfin 2; Collins, Cummins, Sommers, Stanford. Best - ALBION: Cloke, Daffy, Neeld, Sheedy, Swift, Wallace. HIMEJI: Buick, Fletcher, Harvy, Mist, Sommers, Pride. Crowd: 8,881 at Albion This Week: Somewhat of a grudge match when Himeji, for their third week in a row away, heads to Darwin. By the way, *CARNA BOMBERS* ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- Yet another close defeat and the fever-pitch partying continues in happy Buffalo. John Sloth could only beam with pride as the Knights fell to the mighty PPP by only 3 goals. "Yeah, we're playing well." John Biggerstaff took time out from celebrating his pending marriage and his injury this week to voice even more optimism that. "Things are just going great for us now and we're heading into the softer portion of the schedule on a major momentum high, having lost all of our games this month by very few goals!" The Knights returned to Buffalo, ignoring the scandal that trashing their hotel could have caused and instead focused their energy on next week's match with the Yobbos. 500 fans, disguised as trash bins, fire hydrants and empty soft-drink bottles made their way into the line for tickets to this week's match. "Yessir, we got us some real rowdy support of our own" ticket manager Gus Loaf beamed. "We all wanna see our Knights lose by only a couple of goals but, hell, there's only so many seats to sell in the dang place!" ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Victorian Mandarins ------------------------------------------------------- WELL, AT LEAST WE CAN STILL BEAT THE GREYMOOR GLADIATORS read the make-shift banner at the back of the press lounge. Mandarins management has had their words of a year or two ago come back to haunt them with a crushing defeat to this years' Gladiatorial lineup. Overconfidence had Mandarin mobiles shooting from our end of the field, resulting in an all-time low of 26% shooting by the Fab Three. The Mandarins promise to do better in any rematch which might occur after the regular season. In an effort to reduce training expenses, the Mandarins are entertaining offers for one or two rookies. In return the team is looking for cash and one year 4 veteran player. If anyone out there is interested, please send e-mail to craig@bc1.com ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the Manix News Digest: At a hastily assembled press conference yesterday afternoon, the Manix Maulers' press secretary, Smilin' Pete Zinger, was asked to comment on the reason why the Maulers' have actually won some games recently. "Hey, well, you can't discount the contributions of our trash talking rookies. See, they speak German and they say really vicious sorts of things. It's very intimidating. Plus this is the part the season when the steroids and amphetamines really start to kick in." "Smilin' Pete, what do you think about your upcoming game with the Limboland Mists?" "Hey, to be honest, we really don't know anything about the Mists. We don't know what their team structure looks like, what coaching methods they use, or even where Limboland is." Smilin' Pete then concluded by deferring questions to the Chairman of the Manix Bureau of Navigation and Cartography. In other news, intrepid Manix operatives leaked evidence that Buffalo Knights' HB John Clancy fabricated data in order to get his NSF grant in cryobiology renewed. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- The gong clanged, Madame Venusia appeared, the Press Seance commenced. The press corps starved of Mythstics Seances during the long losing streak gave a collective yawn. Venusia frowned. "A win at last," she said, "But..." and she raised a warning finger, "...we must not be complacent. The altar fires must be stoked, the blood must run, lest we displease The...Owners...again!" "Sack the bloody coach," muttered one grizzled reporter. "If he'd got the lineup right earlier they'd have won a couple of those games they lost." "I HEARD THAT!" roared the voice of Coach Walt Dythney, the deceased cartoonist and theme park developer now channelling into the Seance through the suddenly catatonic Venusia. "And you're quite right...but one has so much to do when one is dead and only an eternity to do it in. Er, in which to do it?" A ghostly sigh echoed round the Press Crypt. "Grammar was never my strong point. Nevertheless, let the winning streak commence!" The Seance was not protracted, the press being far more interested in Ed's refreshments than in dissecting The Mythstics performance. After all, as one TV reporter remarked, "In SPARF you win some you lose some, but you can't beat a good feed, mate." ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Newcastle Novas ------------------------------------------------------- Newcastle: Week 7. The Novas are reeling after a particularly bloody match against Darwin. "Now I know where they got their name from, " said Novas' coach Kathy Horton. "Those boys sure know how to destroy opposing players. Sure, we won, but at a very high price. Two players hospitalised and three others on the sideline. I don't know if we can field a complete team for this week's clash with, um, ... the Hornets?" ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Air-Pacific Groundhogs ------------------------------------------------------- This is KUOP, severing the Central Valley and Mother Lode areas. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Dat wuz nut ver-E nis uv da Kannigits 2 go N hurt Sparky Plug lik dat. Eet wuz a gud gam, butt D kik 2 da bell-E lat in da gam kozzed sum kid nee damaj N Sparky iz gunna mis R neks 2 gams. Deez 2 gams wil B R tuffest 2 date, wit D Greymoor Gladiators N us az D last 2 teems dat hav nut lossed in Gold. Den rite aftur dat, we dun gits 2 play dat Spring Creek Pirahnas. Boat uv deez teems had sum beeg weens last week. Tim 2 go putt sum kegs uv beer een der dressin room so dat dey may cum on da feeld drunk. Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Kuala Lumpur Technocrats ------------------------------------------------------- K.L. Technocrats' management declines to comment on the new expansion team's success so far and attributes it to total teamwork and tactical strategy. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Viking Raiders ------------------------------------------------------- Hmmm, the odds on the Vikings have rapidly shortened in recent weeks... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Livermore Rowdy Yobbos ------------------------------------------------------- On Vacation. Support your local team, Go Rowdy Yobbos! W L T 3 3 0