------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Albion All-Stars ------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Sherwood Bandits ------------------------------------------------------- We lost! What a bugger! :( Still dunno how our much vaunted defense let 27 goals in! :( ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The St. Louis Cattle ------------------------------------------------------- "So let me get this straight, it's the pickles that were poisoned, and the Vikings and Blues are working for Burger King." Ho summarized. "It was Hungry Jack, not Burger King." Abdul corrected. "So the Vikings and Blues got paid by Hungry Jack?" Ho asked hopelessly. "Not all of them, just the managers Manager Barry and Uncle Steve." Abdul was enjoying himself way too much. "So the managers of the Blues and Vikings work for Hungry Jack." Ho finally though he had it. "Nope," Adbul crushed his growing confidence. "No?" Ho felt sunk. "No, nope." Adbul got obscure. "What?" HO had lost the thread entirely. "I didn't say No, I said Nope." Abdul clarified. "What's the difference," Ho started to lose his patience. "Not much." Adbul admitted. "So Manager Barry and Uncle Steve don't work for Hungry Jack?" Ho hoped. "Not anymore, they used to." Abdul made it easy for a change. "So let me get this straight, Hungry Jack, who is in the company of Burger King, has a history with SPARF through Manager Barry and Uncle Steve. Now one of those teams seems eager to take us out of the running, possibly out of concerns that our newly revamped team might be competative in the relegation and take their Gold slots this year." Ho finally thought he had it. "Sounds about as close as anything I've heard," Abdul agreed. "So that just leaves one question," Ho bravely continued, "we still don't know where Ernest Enterman is." ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- After an injury ridden week we worked hard than ever on the track - trying to build up fitness! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- Gold Port Coquitlam Circus Stars EVENS v Victorian Mandarins 8/11 Giant Redwoods 1/33 v Havana Spaz Attack 25/1 Black Company 100/1 v Petawawa Purple Platypi --- California Sluggers 11/1 v Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 1/14 The Mythstics 4/7 v New Sturt Blues 6/4 * Viking Raiders 2/9 v CSUA 7/2 Uluru Dingoes 8/1 v Greymoor Gladiators 1/10 Spring Creek Piranhas 1/6 v Buffalo Knights 5/1 Silver Christminster Clerics 4/9 v Air-Pacific Groundhogs 15/8 Sherwood Bandits 1/10 v Silicon Valley Angels 8/1 Roxburgh Kittens EVENS v Nar Nar Goon 4/5 Indiana Fire EVENS v Limboland Mists 4/6 Warrnambool Sea Hawks 2/9 v Chattanooga Crusaders 7/2 Wallamaloo Philosophers 8/11 v The Borg EVENS Krazy Kenora Kangari 100/1 v Seren City Supers --- The St. Louis Cattle 5/2 v Manix Maulers 4/13 Bronze Darwin Destroyers 1/33 v Adelaide Hornets 25/1 Newcastle Novas --- v Albion All-stars 10000/1 Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 4/5 v Himeji Herons 4/5 * ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- Himeji management almost expresses regret for giving the new manager of the Hornets some advice. The game should not have been that close. Statistically, we won every match-up bar one. The big problem lay across our forward line, but not in poor shooting, but lack of opportunity. Why did John BigToe get only one shot at goal, and no marks in spite of his marking being twice as good as his opponent? Why is this indicitive of five of the six forwards? We better come up with some answers before this week's game if we want to get even with the Technocrats. Herons 4. 2 7. 6 11. 9 12.11. 83 Hornets 2. 2 4. 4 7. 7 12. 8. 80 Goals - HERONS: Collins, Symmons 3; Buick, Mercury, Simon, Stanford, Sommers, Thorfin. HORNETS: Canzler, Dove, Price 3; Anderson, Garnaut, vanWeezep. Best - HERONS: Collins, Fletcher, Lang, McDonald, Pride, Symmons. HORNETS: Canzler, Chidgey, Dove, Garnaut, Kitt, Price. Crowd: 14,703 at Himeji This Week: Have the Technocrats dropped in standard, or have the Novas become that good since we last played them? Does this give us a chance to come back against the Tecnos? We *hope* so! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- Buffalo fans, who after last week's disappointing loss fled like cockroaches suddenly thrust into the light, came back just as fervently following the Knights' upset of the Sluggers in a very close match. Once again, first star of the game for Buffalo was Iron Man, who booted 7 goals in as many tries. "We just gotta keep this momentum and big win going as we hit the stretch run of the season, playing against the familiar foes of last season's Silver League." First up for Buffalo, though, is Spring Creek and the Piranhas look to be in contention for the Cup this season. "They have some real mobiles on that team," noted Bridget Fonda, "Not some of the jokers we called mobiles 3 years ago in Silver." Buffalo's webpage, http://www.cityofbuffalo.org/sparfsports/Knights.htm received 53,339 hits after the recent victory, with plans and ideas for the team's new jumpers and logo. While most resist the idea of abandoning the traditional colors and crest, some interesting ideas for the team came forth... ...moving the team to Canberra and becoming the War Pigs. ...hiring David Hasselhoff to sing all future anthems and post-game concerts. ...hiring Yasmine Bleeth to stand there during anthems and post-game concerts. ...hiring MacGyver to booby-trap the visitor's locker room with bombs made out of lint, binaca and a wristwatch. The webpage also prompted fans to select the team name they would like the most. Finishing a close second to 'Buffalo Knights' was 'Burma Sloth'. Only one vote was received suggesting 'Manix Maulers', but Robert Downey Jr.'s tally was quickly located and removed. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Victorian Mandarins ------------------------------------------------------- The Mandarins remain interested in Unit III-1. Elsewhere in the news, The current top six in Gold look like a near certainty to make it into the Cup race after the regular season. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- The desperate tide of sacrificial offerings again pays off and The Mythstics record their second win of the season. As the Antarctic winter begins to tighten its grip on the great southern continent communications with Venusia and co are fraught with difficulty. A garbled email was the only sign that the battle for Sparf immortality still goes on. It read: No mornin t this wek. ED (Hmmm, of course it could have been faked by Loopy Creature...?) ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Newcastle Novas ------------------------------------------------------- Newcastle: Week 9. There was more bloodshed at Newcastle last week as the Novas had several players hospitalised when fending off the challenge from the aggressive Technocrats. "It's touch and go from here on in, " said veteran Novas' coach Alex Jesulenko. "We're already looking at the end of season, hoping that we can keep fielding a full team despite repeated injuries." ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Hoo sayz dat eat iz mor in port ant 2 hav gud moe biles. Dah Pirahnas Moe Biles wer much beter dan anee uv R playrs, an we dun tronsed dem. Uv cors da inn geries helpt sum. Weez iz gunna tri sum nu stuf wit da Black Company dis week 2 C eef da Moe Biles R reel E dat important. Re Membr Folks. Da klasik PPP - PCCS gam iz cumin up en Wek #10. U zoo Wally, der iz beerz at steak. But da beer detts hav been payd of, so dis tim, Eets da Pizzaaaah at steak. Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Kuala Lumpur Technocrats ------------------------------------------------------- Novas should not be in the Bronze League. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Viking Raiders ------------------------------------------------------- UNCLE STEVE FOUND HANGING IN WARDROBE OSLO: Head honcho of the prestigious Viking Raiders SPARF club was found dangling by a belt in his wardrobe on Sunday night. The news came as a shock to all associated with the Raiders but further reports suggest that Uncle Steve is to make a full recovery. "It was a nasty business", spoke Thor. "He simply couldn't handle the fact that the Bays went down to Sturt on Sunday. Rather than face life knowing his team had lost to the Blues, he hung himself." When quizzed about Uncle Steve's recovery, Thor said "Well being friendly with a few Gods does have it's benefits. The body was found by a couple of lesser demigods who had come around just to do the cleaning. They dragged the body straight over to Odin's place. As we all know, Odin is responsible for the creation of all Midgaard, realm of the mortals... breathing life back into Uncle Steve was a snack for him." "Uncle Steve is now resting in the Raiders' medical wing, where Nurse Ratchet has him wrapped snugly in a swathe of assorted technicolour bandaids. We expect him to make a full recovery and be there when the boys take on the CSUA this week." Breathing life into mortals is a neat parlour trick, but sadly the Gods have been unable to will the Viking Raiders to any sort of success on the SPARF field... this labour, far too ardurous for your average God to accomplish, is a task left firmly in the hands of the Head Honcho. COME ON YOU MIGHTY RAIDERS! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Livermore Rowdy Yobbos ------------------------------------------------------- I think that we are entering SPARF senesence here! Support your local team, Go Rowdy Yobbos! W L T 4 4 0 Whatever happened to that punchy final?