SPARF: Press week 1 Games are coming in less than 24 hours...are your orders in? ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Sherwood Bandits ------------------------------------------------------- First game in Gold, and boy, are we nervous! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Black Company ------------------------------------------------------- Something appears in your mind. You ponder upon what it might be, when you notice that in the right rear corner of your mind is a small glow, possibly golden. You suddenly realize that it is that Eye from the Black Company. It looks like it has been in a fight. "Black" eye, cuts and bruises cover it and then you notice that it isn't wearing the gold chains and fur coat.... "ehhehehehee I guess that stupid Eye got what it deserved, getting mugged by a pack of Brownies. Anyway, back to business. First up: Livermore's Rowdy Yobbos. What the hell is a Yobbo and why is it Rowdy?? Well, Mine host hasn't come closer than 50 points in the last three seasons. I don't see any reason to change unless the RY's can't find their home field. Mine Host doesn't like the Livermore pitch because it always smells like really old and stale beer. Besides, who wants to play next to a government lab where they play with linear accelerators and lazers. You can never tell when the lab might lose control and "accidently" set off a nuclear reaction. My prediction: LRY - 146 BC - 112." The Eye has finally gotten up. It looks like it has blood in its eyes as it sees the Pack of Brownie Scouts. It flashes an....evil?? look and gets a carton of milk from a hidden pocket. It starts off down the street after the Brownies..... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Melbourne Bloods ------------------------------------------------------- Hopefully one day I'll have time for press....... In the meantime, good luck to everyone, except whoever I'm playing!!!!! and always remember........ GO SYDNEY SWANS....... Paul..... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the New Sturt Blues ------------------------------------------------------- New Unley: Confusion Reigns Supreme Manager Barry shrugged his shoulders this week and mumbled "I don't even know who we're playing this week. I just need some sleep." He hasn't been seen since. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- King Sunny was very confident about the upcoming season. It is a little hard to see what this is based on - their final training consisted of the new boys having some kick to kick and the old hands playing cards all night! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the CSUA ------------------------------------------------------- After a field trip to Las Vegas, the manager tries to do some last-minute perparation for the players..... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Krazy Kenora Kangari ------------------------------------------------------- Let the games begin. Glory be unto me, spiked cleats be unto thee. Kenora ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- The mood at Buffalo Knights management was upbeat going into the new season despite the tough road ahead full of quality opponents. Soph Knight John Pamm was quick to comment to WMNX reporters ... "Sure, we're like 257th in Gold or something, but, um, you know, we, can, you know, really kick it and motor in these fly guernseys." The Manix reporters, unable to decipher the cryptic response asked Buffalo vet Iron Man for a translation. "Pamm says we finished low in Gold last season but anticipate a bright future in 1998." Iron Man also commented that the Knight's new pitch was perfect, designed by the most brilliant grass-growing minds that the Canadian snowboarding team has to offer. "This grass is so fine that even that crazy Dancing Elephant can't stomp it down too much." John Spleen then joined Iron Man in making fun of Manix Maulers' representative Smilin' Pete Zinger, who was stood up for a date by Neve Campbell last week. Reps for the Knights' new ownership corporation, Virtucon, spoke out on Buffalo's public access cable to request all managers submit team reports to Manix' WMNX every week. "If we all talk about each other's teams behind our collective backs we at Virtucon are confident that the prevailing air of mistrust and deception that results will bring us all up to an even level of deceit and treachery that will last long and far this season." -Buffalo Mgmt ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- "Whose idea was it to ice the door step?" grumbled one irate Aussie journalist (expletives deleted for SPARF Press). "Probably that idiot Ed," said another (more expletives deleted). Their grumbling was interrupted by a loud clang from the gong as Madame Venusia made her customary smoke shrouded entrance to the Press Seance. Soon she had entered the trance necessary for channelling the spirit of The Mythstics' head coach, the late Walt Dythney, and the Press Crypt echoed to the eerie voice of the deceased cartoonist and theme park developer. "The team has trained well," was about as deep as it got though - the canny coach was giving little away about The Mythstics' prospects. Sigh, sounds like another middle of gold season then. Anyone know where we can get some of those "winning the SPARF Cup, undefeated season predicted" tea leaves? Venusia's crystal ball insists on foreseeing reality instead of the team management's dreams of glory... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Newcastle Novas ------------------------------------------------------- Who are we playing? ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Port Coquitlam Circus Stars ------------------------------------------------------- Reporter: It's opening day for the new SPARF season, and I must say that the Circus Stars look about as good as I've ever seen them. Half-back Prop Gag will start the game at interchange as he suffered a bloody nose from his over-sized scissors, giving the ageless Bounce the start instead. This year's starting three mobiles will be player/coach Sling, Safety Net, and Billy G., who played all of last year at centre forward. He replaces Johnny Juggler, who just wants to stand around and juggle. Hopefully Johnny will be gracious enough to kick a few goals as well. It will certainly be interesting to see how long the practice intensity remains. This reporter gives it until about week 2. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Lik we sezzed lass weke, lat da C-zon B gin. Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Connecticut Yankees ------------------------------------------------------- The Connecticut Yankees, preparing for their first game of the season, will send out a test lineup. Said Coach Casey Stengel, "We're ready, but who knows, we might end up changing this a lot, mainly because we're an expansion team." ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Yerns ------------------------------------------------------- The Yerns are ready! Will I win? Or will I go down in an agonizing defeat? ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Livermore Rowdy Yobbos ------------------------------------------------------- Unconsidered filler blather. first game rah rah, ha ha. Say bye-bye, Elmo. Undefeated so far! W L T 0 0 0 Support your local team! Go Rowdy Yobbos!