------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Black Company ------------------------------------------------------- It's too bad one can't place bets. With my team being the underdog in just about every game, I could make quite a bit of money on just the few games I have managed to win. Here's hoping the Blues are more injured than I think they are. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Melbourne Bloods ------------------------------------------------------- Celebrations at the Bloods bank as they pinch a win from the Silicon Valley Angels with a kick after the siren. Inspirational RKR Gary Price had marked on the 50 meter line and the siren went as the umpire was lining him up for goal. At the time, the Bloods were 4 points behind, in a game where the 2 sides were never much more than a goal apart at any stage. Price calmly took a deep breath and unleashed a big torpedo punt kick, which sailed through at post height for a goal, to give the Bloods a fighting 2 point win....... after the siren. The crowd went insane, and Price was chaired off the field.... Next victims....... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- "It's always great to beat the goons - but at what price, now we have to tackle silver leaders without one of our top three players; and minus another from our top 6." King Sunny bleated at his bittersweet press conference. "We may be forced to try something different this week!" ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the CSUA ------------------------------------------------------- Our plan of injuring more players on the opponents' teams has finally paid off in a win. It seems the NSB choked on the "easy meat". If you don't know what CSUA stands for, look at the name of the machine you mail your SPARF stuff to, for a hint. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- GOLD Uluru Dingoes 11/1 v Giant Redwoods 1/13 Port Coquitlam Circus Stars 1/15 v Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 13/1 Spring Creek Piranhas 7/1 v Victorian Mandarins 1/9 Petawawa Purple Platypi 1/3 v The Mythstics 5/2 New Sturt Blues 2/7 v Black Company 3/1 Sherwood Bandits 5/1 v Greymoor Gladiators 1/6 Buffalo Knights 4/5 v Indiana Fire 4/5 CSUA 5/1 v Viking Raiders 1/6 SILVER Roxburgh Kittens 4/7 v Manix Maulers 6/4 Christminster Clerics 4/6 v Seren City Supers 5/4 California Sluggers 1/33 v Air-Pacific Groundhogs 25/1 Nar Nar Goon 2/9 v Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 7/2 Newcastle Novas 4/9 v Limboland Mists 7/4 BRONZE Melbourne Yerns 300/1 v Krazy Kenora Kangari --- Silicon Valley Angels EVENS v Warrnambool Sea Hawks 8/11 Himeji Herons 7/4 v Darwin Destroyers 4/9 Melbourne Bloods 1/14 v Albion All-stars 12/1 Wallamaloo Philosophers --- v Connecticut Yankees 1000/1 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Roxburgh Kittens ------------------------------------------------------- Jason Langlois http://www.horizon.bc.ca/~ogier/home.html jason@myra.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Lowbrows find everything heavy going that isn't completely lowbrow. Highbrows reject everything as vulgar that isn't a mass of archaisms." Thomas More ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- The Knights suffered another loss, dampening their recent good cheer. "Yeah, this is really lame," sobbed younster John Salma. "We ain't winning and when you ain't winning it's really lame." Knights' GM Bridget Fonda apologized for Salma's 'lame' attampt at sad commentary, noting that Salma was, in fact, a genetic experiment and only 8 years old. While Buffalo can still end with a winning record, there is more concern regarding the return of star mobile John Deadpool. "With our best mobile out, it's hard to win games against anyone. We even lost a pickup game last week against the Budweiser clydesdales." "In our defense," noted veteran John Not (who has missed 4 games this year due to his trial on mopery charges) "Those horses can really kick." The Knights' office staff sent a floral bouquet to Manix this week, promising that there would be no mention of Neve Campbell.....doah! -Buffalo Mgmt ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Victorian Mandarins ------------------------------------------------------- Fat Choy takes out another mobile. Mandarins win another game. This week the Mandarins face the Piranhas, who scored an upset win over the PPP last week. Judging by cable reports of the team, their win last week was not such a surprise as the other upset victors - CSUA. If the Piranhas would do us the favour of injuring a mobile, victory should be assured. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the pages of the Manix News Digest: The Maulers face the Roxburgh Kittens this week, a fellow cellar-dweller. Most of the Maulers had better things to do than talk to reporters this past week, so Manix news services had no choice but to interview the dross of the Manix lineup. When asked about this week's pivotal game, IC Alois Elias said "Eergaaah. Splut splut." Ancient injury magnet Ted Tingle responded "Where's my @#&% morphine?!" Perennial benchwarmer Peter Johannson cryptically replied: ================== Last Roxburgh game I was sittin' This time I want To hurt a Kitten Burma Shave ================== In a related note, alcoholism rates among Manix sports journalists have been rising steadily since the beginning of footy season. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- The Mandarins asked "Where's Er?". In week three of the season Er suffered a career threatening 2/4 injury. Finally he's back, no longer a potential mobile (this season, anyway), but back. Now I'd like to know, where's Venusia? That old "Crypt closed" sign is hanging on the door of the Press Crypt - has the Antarctic winter closed The Mythstics down or has Ed been spreading too much ice on the doorstep again? Will The Mythstics lose by more or less than 100 points to the Platypi after holding the Redwoods to a mere 23 point margin? Will The Mythstics win a couple of games near the end of the season to retain 8th place in gold for the third consecutive year? And, finally, who stole the tea leaves this time?? ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Newcastle Novas ------------------------------------------------------- ... now it's broken mobiles. Aargh! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Air-Pacific Groundhogs ------------------------------------------------------- There was no joy in Mudville, for Mighty Casey did strike out. This is KUOP, severing the Central Valley and Mother Lode areas. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- We dun gut trunsed. Weez wuznt X-pecking dat 2 hapin. Nut gud. Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Livermore Rowdy Yobbos ------------------------------------------------------- Whee, what an exciting slide Daddy! It seems to go forever! The agony of the death spiral! W L T 3 7 0 Support your local team! Go Rowdy Yobbos!