------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Black Company ------------------------------------------------------- How in the hell did I get a bye week?? It's nice, it'll be the first time I have had a healthy team since week 1. There was a reason for starting a weak player at mobile during the first week of relegation-I wanted that player to get to 100 defgoods, 100 goals, and 100 marks for his career. I really DON'T want to be in Gold next season, so that loss might even give me my wish. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- Even with Freddie Stone's late withdrawal after failing his fitness test on paper we looked like a chance against those Buffalos. Alas we got flogged. Very hard to find excuses. We must bet the technocrats this week - with a full lineup for the first time in a long time! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- Another week, another loss. More time to reflect on what might have been. Our key forwards performed much better than Groundhogs', but they won the game with their mobiles thumping our depleted mobiles 18 goals to 8. At least we can look forward to a win this week with a game against the Sea Hawks, whom we beat comfortably in Round 15. Commissioner Mel assures us that we still have a shot at Silver for next season, but surely from here it will be very hard going .... Anyway, congrats to the 'Hogs. We noticed that Darwin were conspicuously quiet last week. Hopefully they have failed the evolution game and are now extinct. Chris Paragreen Manager, Himeji Herons "Gambaroh Himeji! Hustle! Hustle! Hustle!" ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- An unexpected win over the Clerics was the cause for an unusual string of celebratory riots in Buffalo. Instead of turning over cars, making noise and setting fires, most Buffalo citizens went out and did yardwork. "Yah, stragnest thing", Buffalo Police Commissioner Gordon agreed, "we were braced for looting and tagging and instead they all stayed home and raked the garden or aerated their lawns. Even the folks that rent helped out with yardwork." Surveyed youths said it was a matter of pride. Nate Deadpool (no relation) said "Itsa matta of being prouda who ya are. We're not gonna fight over the footy Itellya." Chrissy Samsonite agreed "We're not like those Manix fools who got into a row with their local hero lost the chess championship. They did so much damage." The 'Keep Buffalo Beautiful' campaign was led by John Deadpool, who forged the Knights' victory over Christminster with an impressive 8 goals. Joining him in the crusade for a better, prettier, greener community were country music star Shania Twain, the ghost of Abraham Lincoln and actress Neve Campbell. Reports from Manix that Neve Campbell was arrested the previous week for drunk and disorderly conduct at the Manix House of Cheese, Chain Mail and 24-hour Bingo Parlor are erronreous. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the sports pages of the Manix Post-Dispatch-Courant-Bee: The Mauler's Interim Head Coach Sock was fired and ceremonially dismembered (in that order) after last week's disappointing loss to Darwin. Manix sportscasters praised the effort. "The actual match against Darwin was universally accepted by us sportswriters as too boring to do a decent write-up on, so this was a nice substitute," said one sports columnist in a polo shirt, live on location. "You'd think that with team mascots like Maulers and Destroyers that the match would be a gore-fest. But nooooo. It was the same old guys from Manix getting hurt as usual. You can set your clock to their injuries," said a fan in attendance. In other news, the Manix Institute of Standards and Technology has unvieled plans for the new Cliff Secord Injury Clock, which will replace the previous national time standard that all of Manix sets their watch to. A spokesman said that change was due to the fact that the timing of Secord's injuries are more dependable than hydrogen masers or cesium beam atomic clocks. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- Another long Antarctic winter gives way to spring as the Sparf season draws to an end. Time to stoke the altars with dead wood! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Newcastle Novas ------------------------------------------------------- All of the teams I support were crushed this week ... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Air-Pacific Groundhogs ------------------------------------------------------- The Hogs face their former Gold foes, the CSUA for no stakes what- soever! Coach Nemeth offered to settle the match over a game of Mule, but the Commisioner's Atari 800 was nowhere to be seen... Police are investigating its disappearance... This is KUOP, severing the Central Valley and Mother Lode areas. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Port Coquitlam Circus Stars ------------------------------------------------------- Heading into the final two weeks of the Cup Race, 'Safety Net' the starting Ruck-Rover for every game of the season decided to go rock climbing with Bounce right before last week's game against the Platappuses, and as luck would have it, Bounce dislodged a large rock from the cliff which fell right onto Safety Net, who was dutifully holding the rope at the bottom. With no one of Safety's calibre to step up and play this week against the Mandarins, things look dire indeed. And should we luck out this week, the following week would be against the Redwoods for the cup, and Safety Net will be out for the rest of the year. The moral of the story is: Don't go rock climbing with Bounce, or anyone else who weighs more than 280 lbs. The rock can only take so much. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Weez iz stil al beet up. Weez stilz haz 1 in hop spit al an 4 hoo av ben tuld bi D dock tur dat dey mussed re KovR. Dis meens dat dat Blues iz lik lee gunna beet us. Weez iz gunna trize R bestest, butt wad ever hap N's, weez iz gunna triez a fun key lin up in da lassed week. Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Viking Raiders ------------------------------------------------------- Wot, Me worry? ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Yerns ------------------------------------------------------- Well, almost made an upset win...but not to be, so the Yerns are now 0-2 in Relegation...this does not bode well. Someone please let me win! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Livermore Rowdy Yobbos ------------------------------------------------------- La, La, La! I'm not listening! The twist of the knife! W L T X X X Support your local team! Go Rowdy Yobbos!