------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Sherwood Bandits ------------------------------------------------------- "To tank, or not to tank, that is the question" (With apologies to W.Shakespeare :) ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Melbourne Bloods ------------------------------------------------------- AFL Grand Final Week here in Melbourne...... All I have to say is, GO ROOS!!!!!! Kick the crap outta the Crows!!!!! And Oh the Melbourne Bloods are (we think) playing the Mists. All I can say there is take mercy on our poor Bronze souls...... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- Bill Ponsford will watch the last round from his hospital bed (assuming we get a get - no clerics on the fixture at the time of final training!) King Sunny is asking all Cleric fans to make the trip to the CCG to farewell the only two remaining players from the original clerics lineup. LittleBig Carl announced his retirement during the week, and will be watching from the coaches box this week. Big Carl has been named this week and will no doubt put in a big one for the town he loves. It's an emotional time at Christminster - I wouldn't like to be the team the gets us this week! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Darwin Destroyers ------------------------------------------------------- Coach Edwards was unexpectedly cheerful. "Yeah, we lost. But we were within 3 goals of a team that was in Gold! Not bad for a team starting at the 5th seed in Bronze." Forward Joost VanDerWesthuizen was also pleased with the game. "Those Bandits are a class act. It was a good, clean game. Unlike some errr stuff we've had to deal with. Just imagine, a game with no injuries. And neither team had a miss! Just amazing. Just Amazing." Twin brothers Andrew and Arthur Hart were a little distressed. "Well we hope this week's game is another clean game. Nothing's worse that getting injured in the last game of the season, especially when it means little." "Yeah, we've enjoyed our time with the Destroyers, but we have no illusions that this is our last year. So while it was bad to play during the slide down to Bronze, we are glad that we could help with turning the team around even if we won't get to play." ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- The Mandarins are still favourites for the premiership. The expected margin in the Grand Final is 10 points. GRAND FINAL Giant Redwoods 2/1 v Victorian Mandarins 2/5 RELEGATION New Sturt Blues 4/5 v Viking Raiders EVENS Buffalo Knights EVENS v The Mythstics 8/11 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 8/15 v Uluru Dingoes 13/8 Indiana Fire 4/9 v Black Company 2/1 California Sluggers 4/5 v Newcastle Novas EVENS Christminster Clerics 1/5 v Air-Pacific Groundhogs 4/1 Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 8/11 v Roxburgh Kittens 5/4 Krazy Kenora Kangari EVENS v Seren City Supers 8/11 Wallamaloo Philosophers 11/8 v Sherwood Bandits 8/13 Limboland Mists 1/33 v Melbourne Bloods 25/1 CSUA 1/11 v Silicon Valley Angels 9/1 Nar Nar Goon 1/5 v Himeji Herons 4/1 Darwin Destroyers 1/2 v Manix Maulers 7/4 Warrnambool Sea Hawks 1/8 v Melbourne Yerns 6/1 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Krazy Kenora Kangari ------------------------------------------------------- The Kangari take to the field a final time, their 1998 unbeaten streak finally broken by the the California Sluggers. Look for a closely contested rematch vs the Seren Supers, as their vets return from injury... Good season, all - see you next year. Krazy Kenora Kanari ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- Now that a good spot in Gold is assured, the entire team was given the week off. The players spent their free time singing Glen Campbell songs, eating Campbell's soups and discussing whether or not the NHL is better since they changed the Campbell comference to simply Western. John Pamm wrote a poem in tribute of British auto racer Sir Malcolm Campbell and John Brain considered joining the Campbellites. That is all Buffalo Mgmt ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the pages of the Manix News Digest: At a hastily assembled press conference this afternoon, the Manix Maulers' press secretary, Smilin' Pete Zinger, made the official end-of-season statements. "Hey, see you next year." After a disinterested round of applause, the Manix press secretary was urged to comment further. "Hey, um, so we'll see you next year. That's it." And so the tragic Manix 1998 footy season finally comes to an end. In other news, the Republic of Manix is planning to send a bouquet of ManixBloomz (tm) to the winner of the Sparf Cup and a case of sodium bicarb to the runner up. Manix would also like to honor Mel (for being such a great and wise commissioner) by mailing him tickets for the exciting new 106-part lecture series "The Glory of Third Century Manix Society: Cultural Dynamics and Aesthetics." Finally, Manix has plans to air reruns of "Jason of Star Command" every weeknight during prime-time on local Buffalo TV stations. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- Venusia smiled. Venusia frowned. Venusia sighed. What kind of season was this, after all? ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Port Coquitlam Circus Stars ------------------------------------------------------- This weeks matchup of the Circus Stars and the Platapus, normally fierce rivals, is failing to generate much enthusiasm, as both teams have had disappointing finishes. The Circus Stars are bruised and bloody, and looking forward to the off-season. Congratulations go out to the Victoria Mandarins who have earned a shot at the Sparf Cup, and will go up against the always-tough Giant Redwoods. This is the second year in a row that a team from British Columbia, Canada has made it to the finals. Good luck to both teams! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Eat wood B a gud ting eef we wuz al hell the to pla da Sir Cuss Stars, butt weez iz nut, so weez iz gunna giv dem a gif. Luk 4 a beeg skor. Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Giant Redwoods ------------------------------------------------------- The Mandarin's excellent team forced us to take a bigger risk than we liked in our last match -- starting three injured players in the forward positions. Although the gamble appeared to pay off as we won the game, star forward Rick Oshay was re-injured and may not be available for the cup championship. Despite that, the Redwoods feel they have a better than even chance of taking the rubber game (and SPARF Cup) in this final week of postseason play. The Mandarins are a very tough young squad, and will only be better next season, while the Redwoods are aging. We are pulling out all the stops this year, as next season will be one of encouraging new growth to take up the Redwood dynasty. PS. Anyone have a list past season records or SPARF CUP winners? My faulty memory seems to indicate that a cup win this year will move the Redwoods past the Cattle as having the most Sparf Cup victories. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Viking Raiders ------------------------------------------------------- VIKINGS EXPECT EASY WIN ...because Manager Barry will have his mind on the SANFL Grand Final. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Livermore Rowdy Yobbos ------------------------------------------------------- La, La, La! I'm not listening! The twist of the knife! W L T X X X Support your local team! Go Rowdy Yobbos!