------------------------------------------------------- Press from Mel's Desk ------------------------------------------------------- Now that we are over the season-start problems (I hope), the pattern should be 'Tuesday: press goes out and all those who are late panic and get their orders in' 'Wednesday morning: If I am feeling inspired I will prod the one or two managers still not in' 'Wed evening: the games run and stats go out' Viewsim games will start in a couple weeks or so. I will only run a subset of the games each week in viewsim. The results will be PUBLIC, and the teams involved will get compensated as per the old TV money rules. Anyone who want to lobby for private results should do so now. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Black Company ------------------------------------------------------- The Glowing, Golden, and beat-up Eye appears once again in your mind. It has snuck up to the pack of Brownie Scouts and gets ready to start pouring milk..... "Well, that loss was about what I would expect. However, I was REALLY close on predicting the score! BUT! a loss is a loss and I hope these putz's will pull it together and win this one. Next up: The Mythstics. I really don't like this team. Mine Host has SIX straight losses dating back to an eight team Bronze and a team called Colombian Saints. I do like the pitch though. Ice really helps the blood stand out and it looks totally cool on big screen tv's. The wind helps make Mine Host look like fools and it gives me an excuse to blame on the loss. Myth: 126 BC: 120." All of the sudden the Eye is among the Brownies and milk is EVERYWHERE!! There are screams from the Scouts and it looks like the bystanders are getting involved. The Eye is grinning wildly as it splashes the milk around. The Eye starts bashing some Brownie Scout heads to reclaim its ill-gotten gains in the confusion as it fades out..... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Melbourne Bloods ------------------------------------------------------- YAY, a First up win...... That's one in a row!!!!!! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- I clear loss must qualify as a bad start - but like the mighty dees I don't think you can read much into the loss over in the stinking heat of Nova land. At least no one got hurt! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the CSUA ------------------------------------------------------- what does it mean when your best player doesn't have the skills to beat your opponents worst player? ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Roxburgh Kittens ------------------------------------------------------- Ouch. Brutalized by the Nar Nar Goon. For more details, see my SPARF page at http://www.horizon.bc.ca/~ogier/sparf/index.html Jason Langlois http://www.horizon.bc.ca/~ogier/home.html jason@myra.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Lowbrows find everything heavy going that isn't completely lowbrow. Highbrows reject everything as vulgar that isn't a mass of archaisms." Thomas More ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- The mood in Buffalo this week was that of stunned excitment as the Knights won their opener over the Mythstics. "Yeah it was great!," John Biggerstaff agreed, "now if we can only learn how to kick we won't be second in the league in behinds. We had more bad behinds than a clinic for -----------" The rest of Biggerstaff's comments seem to have been misplaced. John Spleen interrupted John Biggerstaff's interview to make fun of Zack Wheat of the Manix Maulers. "Yeah he left their game -claiming- to have a pulled hamstring. In truth it was a pulled heartstring. I hear Neve Campbell dumped himlast week." John Deadpool added in, "Yeah dumped him and mocked his SCRAM skill." Reps for the Knights' new ownership corporation, Virtucon, spoke out on Buffalo's success in week 1. "We all recognize the effort made by team. However very disappointed we are that the players didn't maim or kill or use evil tactics on the opposition, those feelings take a back seat to the victory as we head into the nasty part of out schedule, playing Cup qualifiers and the like." -Buffalo Mgmt ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the pages of the Manix Financial Times: Stocks in Virtucon (NYSE:VIR) plummeted today as the Manix Maulers Australian Football Club tendered a leveraged buyout offer of the technology corporation which holds controlling interest in the despised Buffalo Knights. "Hey, don't you just love the free-market economy?" said a sloshed Smilin' Pete Zinger, the Manix Maulers' press secretary. "If Manix didn't do the hostile take- over thing to Virtucon, some other corporate raider would." The Manix Maulers are apparently interested in using Knights player John Pamm for innovative cryptography applications. Oh, and squishing the Knights like a bug. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- The traditional heavy defeat set The Mythstics' up for the season. More bodies on the altar, Ed - stoke them flames! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Dat wuz a bit 2 cloz 4 kum fort. Be happee in in D an A, cuz necks yer yer gunna B tuff. Wooze neckst? Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Connecticut Yankees ------------------------------------------------------- Last week's destruction at the hands of the Herons leads many questions to be answered by the Yankee coaching staff. The only bright spot, according to the figures, was Tommy Heinrich, who turned in a couple of goals, along with leading the team in marks and defgoods. It will be up to him to carry the squad while Allie Reynolds and Urban Shocker, the other two scoring threats, are recovering from injuries. This week, the team faces off against the Warnambol Sea Hawks. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Yerns ------------------------------------------------------- Images of the coaches screaming at the players. The Yerns going down to defeat. What will happen now? Training becomes tougher, and the coaches re-think their strategy. The Yerns are now: W L T 0 1 0 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Livermore Rowdy Yobbos ------------------------------------------------------- If you read this then I forgot to update my training with the correct numbers. Undefeated so far! W L T 0 0 0 Support your local team! Go Rowdy Yobbos!