------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Mel ------------------------------------------------------- I am working on tweaking the viewsim substitution code to work with the ancient and decrepit oldsim. There may be a 24 hour delay in running games as a result (but don't count on it, because if I finish this early I'm not going to be in the move to make exceptions for latebirds... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Black Company ------------------------------------------------------- A faint glow appears in the corner of your mind. As you focus upon it, it reveals itself to be the Glowing Golden Eye of the Black Company. It seems to be hiding from something.... "Well that sucks. The 'Woods did their usual and tanked the game on Mine Host. I don't know if I should be happy with a 14 point loss or pissed that I wasn't blown out by his regular lineup. Oh well, maybe next year Mine putzes will figure out a way to beat his tanked lineup. Next up: Spring Creek Pirahnas. Last year, they kicked Mine Host's pasty butt. They don't look as strong THIS season however. It seems that they are having some trouble scoring. Lets see if this trend will continue. BC 164 Spring Creek 145." The Glow re-appears and you realize that the glow that you see is from flashlights. You hear a voice in the backround saying,"What are you looking for, Sculley?" The reply and light fade out of your mind..... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Melbourne Bloods ------------------------------------------------------- Hah, I WISH I had time for Press...... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the New Sturt Blues ------------------------------------------------------- New Unley: Expectations High As Blues Go 3-0 It's the match of the round as two of the undefeated teams go head to head. Blues vs Mandarins. The grand tradition continues. (I'd write more, but I've got a deadline. Two in fact. And I'm buying real estate. Ack!) ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- Nice work ladder-wise! Bring on our next victoms ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- We've now had enough games such that the odds I generate are only slightly ridiculous, rather than utterly ridiculous. Only Gold matches are included, because I don't have the Silver/Bronze fixture template. Giant Redwoods 8/13 v Buffalo Knights 11/8 CSUA 400/1 v Port Coquitlam Circus Stars --- Victorian Mandarins 7/2 v New Sturt Blues 1/5 Petawawa Purple Platypi 11/4 v Greymoor Gladiators 4/13 Indiana Fire 1/7 v Uluru Dingoes 11/2 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 11/4 v Viking Raiders 2/7 Black Company 9/2 v Spring Creek Piranhas 1/6 The Mythstics --- v Sherwood Bandits 90/1 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Krazy Kenora Kangari ------------------------------------------------------- Kangari running undefeated in three! Look out Albion! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Roxburgh Kittens ------------------------------------------------------- Ouch. Brutalized by the Seren City Supers. For more details, see my SPARF page at: http://www.horizon.bc.ca/~ogier/sparf/index.html ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- The Knights squad lost again, this time to the Mandarins, in a match that feature more of this season's most popular craze - injuries! The Vics had 3 guys get minor wounds but the real disappointment is the Knights, whose 2(3) injury rating places them in a 4-way tie for last in Gold. "Yes, we are concerned," manager Bridget Fonda confessed, "about our poor showing in the injury stats. We monitor and track every conceivable statistic using our new Virtucon 6000/DX/PPS-VOS7.35 SuperThinkingComputer and that's one area that we are happy to say we are addressing this very week." When asked to elaborate, Ms. Fonda went on to explain that her team will not roll around at the bottom of the injury statistics all season long. "Starting this week we're cranking every guy, even the ones in the hospital, and by this time next week we expect to be vastly improved and working our way up the injury stat ladder!" In other news from the Despised, Disavowed and Otherwise Icky Republic of Manix, the home of Maulers' rep Smilin' Pete Zinger was vandalized. The early reports that an unknown man in a brown suit (rumored to be a stock analyst) and a woman loosely identified as Laura Schwendinger, are the early suspects. Also, Neve Campbell was cleared of all charges in a bribery scheme in Manix. False charges of point-shaving were tossed out by the Buffalo Superior-to- Manix Court when everyone realized that the Maulers have scored so few points that there's no way at all they could be trying to score less. -Buffalo Mgmt ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the Arts Section of the Manix Tribune-Sentinel-Globe-Herald: In an effort to raise funds for their exponentially increasing medical bills, the Manix Maulers Australian Rules Football Club sponsored a white tie piano recital by its players. The gala occasion turned out to be a major music event, and classical music aficionados were not disappointed. FF Tris Speaker lead off the grand evening with a stunning versions of "Chopsticks" in C Major. In the dreamy Largo, the notes took on supple, breathing life. But not everything was soft-grained; Speaker turned out some fiery playing in the first movement and shaped a crisp, dancing finale. CHF Cliff Secord followed Speaker's performance with the moving "London Bridge (Is Falling Down)" in E Flat Major. The smartly dressed audience, unable to restrain itself, applauded within five measures of Secord's powerful opening notes. Secord did not disappoint, as he captured all of the romance and ethereal joy that the music demanded. RKM Zack Wheat attempted Bach's "Little Fugue" in G Minor, but promptly ran offstage when he was handed the sheet music. As an encore, Cliff Secord returned to the stage in a hail of roses and garters. The consummate showman, he gave the audience what they were so longing to hear: "Baa Baa Black Sheep" in F Sharp Major. The first movement was full of pent-up emotion, the scherzo came across with unusual force, and in the finale, Secord pointed up rich detail with a tenderness unsurpassed by any footy player one can care to name. Although the Maulers are unable to put together any offense so far and it's likely that the entire coaching staff will be working at area grocery stores next season, the Manix footy team is an inspiring example of capturing the beauty and raw emotion of piano recitals. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- Once again The Mythstics' Press Crypt echoed to the sound of the disembodied voice of head coach Walt Dythney, the long dead cartoonist and theme park developer whose knowledge of SPARF was exceeded only by practically everything in the Universe. "The Viking Raiders, those much mythologised marauders or yore, were defeated. But the cost was a two week hospitalisation for our rising 3 year old star, Er, who will now no longer be a mobile contender." The air in the Crypt appeared to quiver as if the coach was shedding a tear or two. "And he only had fatigue three of three!" he sobbed. "The Owners shall exact their vengeance!" The voice boomed now, the comatose body of Madame Venusia jerking as the passionate spirit promised the media that next week they would be treated to "...Fantythyland, the most wonderful kingdom of them all..." At which point Venusia blinked her eyes, frowned, then rose and sent the media packing. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Port Coquitlam Circus Stars ------------------------------------------------------- Circus Star management opened up the vault last week to sign Sideshow Steve away from the New Sturt Blues. Apparently the talented Steve had fallen into the Blues' bad books with his excessive drinking and womanizing. "We think Steve has an enormous upside", said player-coach Sling of the Circus Stars. "Of course, his juggling is very suspect, but we think that will come around with enough practice". Just how the Circus Stars plan to come up with enough beer every week for a team that already drinks way too much is another matter entirely. Steve is not expected to start this week. Of course, rookie Pick Pocket was not expected to be playing mobile last week, but that's exactly what happened when Billy G. left the game with a balloon stuck in his windpipe. So who knows. Expect another win this week against whomever it is the Circus Stars are playing... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Weez likezed dat gam. But da nexst 1 iz dun gunna B tuffer. = Greymoor dun luks lik dey wantz 2 B in da SPARF cup dis yeer. Cuz uv = Fat eggs prub lemms, weez guts 2 tri a gnu lyn up. Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Yerns ------------------------------------------------------- Well, the Yerns are training hard. Will we get a win this week? The Yerns are now: W L T 0 3 0 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Livermore Rowdy Yobbos ------------------------------------------------------- If you read this then I forgot to update my training with the correct numbers. The "toast" of Gold! Burnt, even! W L T 1 2 0 Support your local team! Go Rowdy Yobbos!