Game will run at a more normal time this week, either Wednesday night or during the day Thursday. The comissioner is enjoying not working this week. Stay at home vacations rule ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Black Company ------------------------------------------------------- Not much to say. My team sucks. Anybody have an age 2-4 player, skill 240+ no fat or injuries available?? ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Melbourne Bloods ------------------------------------------------------- A gutsy but bloody win over the Sea_Hawks last game sets up a top of the table clash against KKK. The Fur is likely to fly, as each side attempts to hold on to an unbeaten record. Manager Paul Nowland was quietly confident yesterday: "We'll Flog the mongrels!!!!" However football tipsters disagree with this sentiment, making the Bloods a 4 goal underdog....... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- There's a lot of concern about Tuff Guys availibility for next weeks games - he'll have a fitness test in a few days. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the CSUA ------------------------------------------------------- ARGH! one of prize mobiles got injured. and we lost. by a lot. but at least we injured more players on the other side, yet again. as long as the rest of gold keeps injuring themselves faster than we do, we have a chance of beating a team of 19 warm bodies and 1 real player, by game 15! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- Gold and Silver matches this round, because I don't have the Bronze seeding. Bizarrely, in Gold the Redwoods (2nd) versus Raiders (12th) is tipped as being the closest game. This is despite the Fire, Myths, Piranhas and Glads all having two wins each and playing each other... GOLD Viking Raiders 8/1 v Giant Redwoods 1/11 Port Coquitlam Circus Stars --- v Black Company 3000/1 Victorian Mandarins --- v Sherwood Bandits 2000/1 Buffalo Knights 18/1 v Petawawa Purple Platypi 1/25 Uluru Dingoes 1/30 v CSUA 25/1 New Sturt Blues --- v Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 90/1 Spring Creek Piranhas 70/1 v Greymoor Gladiators 1/90 Indiana Fire 1/25 v The Mythstics 20/1 SILVER Nar Nar Goon 1/11 v Manix Maulers 8/1 Seren City Supers 1/19 v Newcastle Novas 16/1 Air-Pacific Groundhogs 2/5 v Roxburgh Kittens 2/1 Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 11/4 v Christminster Clerics 4/13 Limboland Mists 4/9 v California Sluggers 15/8 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Krazy Kenora Kangari ------------------------------------------------------- Team Name: Krazy Kenora Kangari : 49 27 321 Team Name: Albion All-stars : 3 4 22 --------------- Relegation, Shmelegation. This is going to be a long year. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Roxburgh Kittens ------------------------------------------------------- Angry fans threaten to sue Roxburgh team for failure to provide interesting and/or exciting games. Meanwhile, the team continues to search for its first win of the season. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- The Knights squad lost their third straight game against a top three team, falling down and going boom against the Redwoods by 10 goals. Their cause was aided by a Redwood injury, but their own injuries hurt them as well. "Yes, we are proud that more guys on our team came up hurt," manager Bridget Fonda beamed, "and we've improved our standing in that regard by moving ahead of several teams. Still, there's a whole lot of the season left to be played and plenty of opportunites to get some broken bones!" In news from nowhere near Buffalo, reports have been circling around the league that players for the poor Manix Maulers have been victims of Mad Cow disease. When asked how this could happen, Maulers' rep Smilin' Pete Zinger denied early reports, stating only "My donut is very warm, thank you." No one in Buffalo knows what that meant, but we do know that news agencies from Melbourne, California and Kuala Lumpur all confirmed the story. A man claiming to be a really smart big-headed doctor named Brack said "The early sign of the Mad cow disease in humans is reading difficulty and basic linguistic comprehension problems." To wit, several Maulers players have been seen in pubs trying to figure out how to light a match by reading the instructions on the back of the book. Their efforts failed. In a related incident, a Maulers player known only as 'Duffy' tried to send some fan mail to actress Neve Campbell, but the note only read... "Me Stan. Stan good. Chuggga-nugga, chee-chugga nugga." That player has since been arrested, inoculated and deloused. This week Buffalo plays a different team than last week. Exciting! -Buffalo Mgmt ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the pages of the Manix Tribune-Sentinel-Globe-Herald: At a hastily assembled press conference yesterday afternoon, the Manix Maulers' press secretary, Smilin' Pete Zinger, was noticably absent. The Maulers' official position on Smilin' Pete's location was that he is in Cameroon doing charity work. Rumors, however, persist. There may be some kernal of truth to the Buffalo Knights' claims over recent weeks that Smilin' Pete is a victim of several unhappy love affairs. Morale is low in the Maulers' camp. "Yeah, they're calling in all of these suicidologists for the team," said C Cliff Secord. "Our guys are getting injured right and left. None of us knows who's ticket will get punched next. I hope it's not me!" said Secord as he fell out the window. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- It may be a good thing that Venusia has not made any predictions regarding The Mythstics results. For, with a 2 win, 2 loss record so far, it seems that the team is losing to teams that look weaker on paper but managing to beat stronger sides. If this trend continues The Mythstics will obviously win our remaining games. Sadly, I think there's no need to ask Venusia about the chances of that happening. Stoke them altars, Ed! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Port Coquitlam Circus Stars ------------------------------------------------------- DANCING ELEPHANT GOES BEZERK!!! =============================== Late in the third quarter of last week's game against CSUA, Dancing Elephant, who had spent the last couple of weeks in hospital, apparently decided that she was ready to play and made trumpeting noises on the Circus Star sideline. Assistant coach Johnny Juggler came over to see what was going on, and tried to explain to Dancing Elephant that since she was not listed as one of interchanges, they could not put her in the game. Dancing Elephant was furious, especially when upstart Sideshow Steve was sent into the game to replace Trained Seal who was suffering from dehydration. A mass trampling ensued, sending no less that four Circus Stars to the hospital where they are expected to miss the next two weeks at least. The final result is that Dancing Elephant will in the starting lineup for next weeks game, along with rookie Pick Pocket, and senior citizen Bounce. When asked whether this constituted giving in to Dancing Elephant, Johnny Juggler had these words: "You can only say no to an angry elephant one time." ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- 4 Sum re zone, we dun all weeze semes 2 hav R wa wit Greymoor. May B Weez can dooz da sam wit da Kannigits. Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Viking Raiders ------------------------------------------------------- VIKINGS RECRUIT EX-BLUE ASGARD: Viking Raiders F.C. this week welcomes ex-New-Sturt (and probably ex-half-a-dozen-other-SPARF-teams) player Wade Downstream into it's injury riddled player ranks. Having been shown around the clubrooms, oval, training facility and Nurse Ratchet's medical wing, Wade's first question was "When do we get these pigs on a spit I've been hearing about". "When we _win_, Wade. When we _win_ a game", replied head honcho Uncle Steve. "Oh. Not for a while then". Sigh... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Yerns ------------------------------------------------------- The Yerns still can't win. The Yerns are now: W L T 0 4 0 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Livermore Rowdy Yobbos ------------------------------------------------------- Another twirl of the ladder yo-yo. Things are even! But we haven't played the tough guys! W L T 2 2 0 Support your local team! Go Rowdy Yobbos!