Warning....game will run early tomorrow, so don't count on grace time. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Sherwood Bandits ------------------------------------------------------- French Caretaker manager M. De Sade held his first press conference after looking over the team. When asked about star player Paul McCartney's comments about not getting hurt, De Sade responded by starting to say "Not get hurt!? No one mentioned that when I negotiated ..." His comments were interrupted by front office personnel dragged him out of the press room. The press were given the following announcement shortly after the removal of Mr. De Sade; "The management of the Bandits wants to ensure it's fans that interim manager De Sade has strict instructions to continue the policies set down by the team at the beginning of the season. Any injuries suffered by the Bandits are solely the responibility of the thugs employed by other teams in the league." ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Black Company ------------------------------------------------------- Well, now that the hard part of the season is over, I can count on at least SOME of the games will be close. I might even win a few. The really scary thing is, my team is like 6 - 25 against the top of Gold, while a really average 11 - 11 against the bottom half. I hope I can count on the bottom half for a few really nice coaches who will tank the game and let me win-- I might need it. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- In a brief statement on his way into the still locked up CCG, King Sunny said "It's great to get four points - but we still arent performing to our sponser's expectations.... maybe this week ...." I would expect a little more fire from the mists this week in the repeat local (melb uni) derby (it is good how the sparf fixture has captured the insane qualities of the AFL fixture!), after the unceremonious thumping of one of their star players! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the CSUA ------------------------------------------------------- Still more injuries for the opposing team, and the winning margin decreases. Maybe by the postseason we can win one due to attrition on the opposing side. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- GOLD Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 12/1 v Giant Redwoods 1/14 Port Coquitlam Circus Stars 1/14 v Spring Creek Piranhas 11/1 The Mythstics 6/1 v Victorian Mandarins 1/8 Petawawa Purple Platypi 1/8 v Uluru Dingoes 6/1 New Sturt Blues 1/8 v Sherwood Bandits 6/1 Buffalo Knights EVENS v Greymoor Gladiators 4/5 CSUA 6/1 v Indiana Fire 1/8 Viking Raiders 2/5 v Black Company 2/1 SILVER Seren City Supers 1/20 v Manix Maulers 16/1 Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 1/2 v Air-Pacific Groundhogs 13/8 Christminster Clerics 4/5 v Limboland Mists EVENS California Sluggers 1/4 v Nar Nar Goon 13/4 Roxburgh Kittens 40/1 v Newcastle Novas 1/50 BRONZE Warrnambool Sea Hawks 12/1 v Krazy Kenora Kangari 1/14 Albion All-stars 100/1 v Darwin Destroyers --- Silicon Valley Angels 1/50 v Connecticut Yankees 40/1 Himeji Herons EVENS v Melbourne Bloods 4/5 Melbourne Yerns 400/1 v Wallamaloo Philosophers --- ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Greymoor Gladiators ------------------------------------------------------- Well the new manager has been installed with rumours the club will be moved to Bolton, Ontario Canada in the close season. Here is to a good debut for Manager Gardiner ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- The Bloods have a lucky brak with our injury record taking a turn for the worse, and with it our top player. Still, they've fared worse than us, so we should have the depth to still come away with the all-important four points. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Roxburgh Kittens ------------------------------------------------------- Memo found on the desk of the Manager -- Have discovered that shooting one player each game during half-time will motivate them to win. Investigate costs of equipping each coach with pistol for use during training. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- Again shocking the Sparf world, the Buffalo Knights made it three in a row, overcoming the Yobbos despite some very serious injuries. "Clearly our losses to injury will hurt us," confessed Knights Head Coach Bridget Fonda. "We want to continue our winning trend but having our rover down is gonna hurt our production in all facets of the game." Mobile John Deadpool came out of surgery and was a bit groggy, but he agreed to an interview. His opening comment was "Damn, I don't care how the end turned out, that Gillian Anderson is hot. Smart and sexy, oh yeah." It was close to the end of visiting hours, but he continued to ramble on and on, "Sure she's gotta play second fiddle to that dweeb with her, but she's really the only reason anyone watches the damn show." Thankfully, the staff nurse came in and ushered the press out. She then administered a very strong sedative and mumbled something about "The Sparf is out there." No one's quite sure what that meant at all. Scenes from the new X-files movie that were filmed in Manix were cut and not used. And anyone who worked on the film and lives in Manix is now, inexplicably, missing. Hmm. -Buffalo Management ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the sports pages of the Manix Times-Star-Bugle-Venture: The Manix Maulers tried to rebound from their loss to the California Sluggers by taking on Mrs. Greibel's 2nd grade phys ed. class from Julia Child Elementary School. "The Sluggers blew our doors off," said kicking coach Max Leiter. "We needed some way to get our guys into taking the game seriously again, so we decided to scrimmage with little kids." Things didn't go as planned, however. The Maulers lost, 87 to 66. Little Beatrice Hufnagle and Skippy Tyson combined for 6 goals against the Maulers. Beatrice also flicked a spitwad at Manix forward Tris Speaker, which sent Speaker, in tears, to the bench for the remainder of the game. The seven and eight year-old children led the Maulers through most of the match, but injuries to the children toward the end eventually slowed their offense to a point where the Maulers could close the gap, if only slightly. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- The Mythstics' next four games are versus the Mandarins, the Redwoods, PPP and the Circus Stars. No need for Venusia to rush to the tea leaf supplies for predictions on these games. Injury prevention rulz, OK? ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Newcastle Novas ------------------------------------------------------- So much for clean uniforms. Three players maimed ... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Air-Pacific Groundhogs ------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for listening to our complete cycle of the Symphonies of Joseph Haydn, and now we return you to our coverage of the Air- Pacific Groundhogs... *snore* Mrmph? What? We're on the air? (clatter) Hello again, true believers, here at the beatiful campus of the University of the Pacific, where the Air-Pacific Groundhogs hang their hats and kick their shoes on the table. The question that burns on every- one's mind is: What happened? The Hogs are in a tailspin, and have been for the entire season. Coming up: an interview with George Nemeth, head coach for the team... (click) ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Af turd Ah furst haf uv da C-zon, we dun luks lyk weeze iz dune al rite. We dun losted 1 gam 2 da Blues, butt we tinks dat we dun gut R selvs a plass in da SPARF Cup agan. Da Blues shud be der wit da topp 4 teems, but weez duz nut no wooz iz gunna B teem #6. Dats wat da sekund haff iz 4. Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Livermore Rowdy Yobbos ------------------------------------------------------- The agony of the death spiral! W L T 3 5 0 Support your local team! Go Rowdy Yobbos!