------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Sherwood Bandits ------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Black Company ------------------------------------------------------- Welcome back to LGGE, your station for all that is Black! Welcome back to your weekly Black Company report! This is Garry Ablett with Tony Lockett as always for Color! Well Tony, tell us about the last Game! Garry, the boys in black really showed their true colors in last weeks match against the Indiana Fire. I guess the boys realized that they were already black so if they got burned, nobody would notice. The team did a really good job bouncing back from three tough losses in a row and might be able to put together a string of victories to make it back to .500. How about this upcomming match with the Mythstisics?? Well, the team has had quite a bit of bad luck against this team. 0-6 since the Lady took over the team. I don't think the Lady has found a way to block the Antarctic Madame from stealing the game plans and comming up with a way to win. The bomb blast in the Myth's Press Room might help, however. What are the team's chances in the game, Tony?? If the boys can keep from getting snowblind from the arctic sun, the boys could win by 5 goals. I think the key for the Black Company will be to keep Russell Morris healthy. In the matches Russell has started on the field, the Company is 4-1. With him out of the starting 18, 0-5. I think it's clear that the team needs his vast experience on the field as a on-field coach to help keep the team settled and focused. This is Garry Ablett, for Tony Lockett, saying SO Long from Khatovar! This has been a LGGE production. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- Our third win for the season was meet with much talk about the finals still being mathematically possible! Looking at the form, I think we might get one more win for the year - and it won't be this week. Freddie stone will join his funk brother Wah Wah Watson on the sidelines this week, giving Inspector Gadget another chance to show his orange peeling skills. end ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- The Bookie offers the following odds for the coming round of matches. GOLD Buffalo Knights 6/1 v Victorian Mandarins 1/8 Giant Redwoods 9/1 v Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 1/11 Uluru Dingoes 5/1 v Port Coquitlam Circus Stars 1/7 Petawawa Purple Platypi 4/5 v Viking Raiders 4/5 New Sturt Blues 1/5 v California Sluggers 4/1 Black Company 1/4 v The Mythstics 3/1 Christminster Clerics 6/1 v Indiana Fire 1/8 Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 8/11 v Newcastle Novas EVENS SILVER Himeji Herons 6/1 v Krazy Kenora Kangari 1/8 Sherwood Bandits 40/1 v Seren City Supers 1/50 Wallamaloo Philosophers EVENS v Roxburgh Kittens 4/5 Air-Pacific Groundhogs 4/1 v CSUA 1/5 Limboland Mists 1/16 v Darwin Destroyers 13/1 BRONZE Manix Maulers 1/9 v Melbourne Bloods 7/1 Silicon Valley Angels 7/2 v Warrnambool Sea Hawks 2/9 Melbourne Yerns 1/7 v Winnipeg Rangers 11/2 Rockdale Radishes 4/9 v Melbourne Warriors 2/1 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- Revenge is sweet. After being flogged at the hands of the Philosophers last season, the Herons got their own back last week. 5 players scored 5 goals apiece in a solid team performance. Inspired by the interest in her look-cute-alike contest, Kitty Chan also racked up another goal, bringing the rookie's season tally to 4. On the down side, Mini Ross went down in the final quarter and will miss a couple of games. Mini will be sorely missed this week against the full-strength KKK. We've little chance on improving on our 5 point loss a month ago. The Heron's will be happy just to get through without any new injuries - as it is, we're unlikely to defeat the Supers next week - essential if we're to finish the season in 3rd spot. Chris Paragreen Manager, Himeji Herons "Gambaroh Himeji! Hustle! Hustle! Hustle!" ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- The Knights pulled up to the .500 mark with a 3 goal margin over the Giant Redwoods. After the game, high-scoring Buffalo mobile John Heretic had this to say: "Man, those are some Giant Redwoods." Mm, and how! Buffalo coach Bridget Fonda admitted that her team is going to get pummeled by the Mandarins this week, but she still had a plan. "We want to avoid injuries and, amazingly, we still have a shot at the Cup, don't ask me how. Yessir, we want to drink from Lord Stanley's chalice." When informed that her team was -not- competing for the Stanley Cup, Ms. Fonda mumbled something about medications and left the press conference hurriedly. In local news, it was been surveyed in Buffalo that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend sugarless gum to their patients who chew gum. The Buffalo Special Ministry for Tactics, Urban Warfare and Glass-Blowing was immediately dispatched to dispose of every 5th dentist in the telephone directory in an effort to improve those odds. In foreign news, a movie starring Neve Campbell is to be filmed in... **********ZZZZZZAAAAAPPPPPPPPP********** Manix is Good Buffalo is Bad Work Work Work Time is Money Love is a Battlefield Klaatu Borada Nikto **********ZZZZZZAAAAAPPPPPPPPP********** ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the pages of the Manix News Digest: At a hastily assembled press conference late yesterday afternoon, the Manix Maulers' press secretary, Smilin' Pete Zinger, rose to the music stand / podium in the hastily assembled Manix Portable Press Trailer. "Smilin' Pete, we heard more vile slander from Tony Lockett last week. Why isn't he pushing up the daisies yet?" "Hey, Manix's official position on Tony Lockett is either to use him for scientific research at the Manix Institute for Intense Pain Studies or to clone him, freeze him, and then replace him with a Manix double agent. Oops, pretend you didn't hear that." "Smilin' Pete, is it true that Gary Ablett and King Sunny are both suspects in the recent bombings of the Mythstics and Manix press rooms?" "Hey, name someone who isn't a suspect. Except me. I was with John Spleen's mother at the time. Hey, check this out." Smilin' Pete held up what appeared to be a garage door opener with a lightning bolt sticker on it. "With a push of this button, I can hijack Buffalo's press. It's the latest thing from the Manix Division Of Filtering All References Of Neve Campbell From Buffalo Press Releases. Watch this." Smilin' Pete pressed the button. The assembled reporters gasped.. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Port Coquitlam Circus Stars ------------------------------------------------------- Well, well, well. It seems that the aging Circus performers still have a trick or two up their oversized sleeves. They continue to somehow pull out wins against younger, more talented teams. Although they seem to be a favorite with the odds-makers, much of that has to do with outstanding gambling markers. Who will end the Circus Stars' unbeaten streak? Who will hand them their first loss of the season. Those in the know point to the Petawawa Purple Platapi. The Platapusses are being especially sneaky this year, posting a mediocre 4-5-1 record, and lulling their opponents into complacency. They've even thrown a few games this year, to further confuse their opponents. Will the Circus Stars make the mistake of taking their arch-rivals too lightly? Stay tuned. Same circus-time! Same circus-channel! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Livermore Rowdy Yobbos ------------------------------------------------------- Many are benched! Few will play! W L T 8 2 0 Support your local team! Go Rowdy Yobbos!