------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Sherwood Bandits ------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Black Company ------------------------------------------------------- Welcome Back to LGGE for another week of Black Company Footy! This is Garry Ablett with Tony Lockett for color! Tony, how did the team do?? Garry, the boys in Black somehow managed to win. I don't know how, but I think the Boys just got lucky. How about next weeks match against the Technocrats?? Beats me. This team has never played the Tech's and I have no idea how the team will do. However, I think Smilin' Pete looked really good at last weeks Press confrence. Keep it up Pete! Anything else?? Only to the Knight's. Sorry about the phonecalls. It was Vato Loco. He was trying to get through to LOSR, the local radio station to request "Ina goda da vida", but he couldn't get the number right. Until next week, this is Garry Ablett, for Tony Lockett, saying SO LONG from Khatovar! This has been a LGGE production. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Melbourne Bloods ------------------------------------------------------- Yay, for once, I'm in early enough to do press. Now I just wish I had something interesting to say. Well, at least the Bloods are assured of a winning record this year. In real AFL action, I have just one thing to say........ Bad luck Blues...... hehehehe Carna Swannies!!!!! Oh and to Chris Paragreen, that beer is gonna taste sweet!!!!! end. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- I guess last week counts as a fairdinkum woopin'. And that from a team that reckons they couldn't bet a random line-up of warm-bodies. This week we're gunna try and just have fun! (and nothings more fun than kickin' goals) (with apologies to Blighty) end ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- The Bookie offers the following odds for the coming round of matches. GOLD Victorian Mandarins 11/8 v Port Coquitlam Circus Stars 8/13 Giant Redwoods 4/1 v Petawawa Purple Platypi 1/5 Buffalo Knights 3/1 v Uluru Dingoes 2/7 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 2/9 v Viking Raiders 7/2 Indiana Fire 11/4 v New Sturt Blues 4/13 The Mythstics 4/9 v Newcastle Novas 15/8 California Sluggers 1/5 v Christminster Clerics 4/1 Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 3/1 v Black Company 2/7 SILVER Seren City Supers 2/9 v Roxburgh Kittens 7/2 Darwin Destroyers 15/8 v CSUA 4/9 Limboland Mists 7/4 v Krazy Kenora Kangari 1/2 Air-Pacific Groundhogs 1/2 v Sherwood Bandits 7/4 Himeji Herons 8/13 v Wallamaloo Philosophers 11/8 BRONZE Melbourne Bloods 15/8 v Warrnambool Sea Hawks 4/9 Melbourne Warriors 8/13 v Winnipeg Rangers 11/8 Rockdale Radishes 70/1 v Nar Nar Goon 1/100 Melbourne Yerns 50/1 v Manix Maulers 1/66 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- The Heron's actually sent in press last week, but perhaps we did something silly like leaving it in the out-tray rather than actually sending it. *doh* Not that we said anything of grave importance. We made some predictions for how the round would pan out, which went exactly as expected. Unfortunately, that meant that the Herons have now lost 3 in a row by a margin of over 250 points. It also means we have slid from 3rd down to 6th spot. The good news is that we shouldn't fall any further. This week, the Herons take on the Philosphers. Last time we met, we beat them by 100 points. While we aren't expeting a repeat of that magnitude, we would hope they can't turn the result around. A win over the Philosophers will see the Herons climb back up to 5th - back to 4th if the Destroyers can knock off the CSUA. Che Collins will miss his second game this week. Ironically, the last time he missed a game was also against the Philosophers. A formal complaint has been lodged against the Mists. 7 of our 17 injuries have come at the hands of the Mists, with them taking out Fraser Sinclair and Che Collins both times. Still, that's not going to stop us from hoping the Mists win this week. Chris Paragreen Manager, Himeji Herons "Gambaroh Himeji! Hustle! Hustle! Hustle!" ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Krazy Kenora Kangari ------------------------------------------------------- Fingers and toes are crossed this week as the Kangari put their undefeated record on the line against the celebrated Mists of Limboland. Thankfully, the Kittens played graciously last week, and afforded us the chance to take the field whole and healthy. Stay tuned! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- Two Knights fans sat inside Buffalo's Impervious Footy Facility in the wee hours before the recent match against the Vikings. Fan#1 "The night is dark, but still." Fan#2 "Still what?" Fan#1 "Still dark." --- Buffalo eked out a narrow win, just as the genius oddsmakers guessed, despite a mid-game injury to rover John Deadpool. "Yeah, well," John confessed, "I was running along and I passed that Dopey Dwarf character and he was just so ... dopey. I started to laugh and didn't see that I was running off the pitch and into the advertisement-covered barricade." For the record, Deadpool's knees impacted with the colored banner for Summer Breeze feminine products. The sign, which shattered and fell loose, was not well liked by the Knights' players and coaching staff and team director of marketing Lucy Van Lakehurst thinks John Deadpool did it on purpose. "He's always hated that sign - they all hated it. The signs for condoms and new Piss beer they like, but not Summer Breeze. We need them." Lucy then revealed that Summer Breeze, a wholly Buffalo-owned feminine-product-manufacturing-facility, is the Knights biggest local financial contributor. "Those Manix jokers have been after our feminine-product-manufacturing secrets for years, but have come up with nothing. Even a break-in by Greta Von Susteren failed miserably - Neve Campbell kicked her ass!" The Knights match up agianst the Dingoes this week. A win lifts Buffalo to .500 and gives them a legit shot at the Cup Finals. A loss means someone in the coaching staff will be sacked and a random player taken out back to the woodchipper. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- An excerpt from the pages of the Manix Food Times: ..and that's how one garnishes a raw monkey ear. We caught up with Manix Mauler and team gourmet, Cliff Secord, who has been working on an equisite new cookbook called "Gourmet Cooking the Mauler Way." In a rare interview, Chef Cliff reveals his tempting culinary secrets. "Chef Cliff, I wonder if you could explain what sets your book apart from the rather crowded shelves of finer bookshops and gourmet boutiques?" "See, my secret recipe for cough lozenges is in here, and it also says how to fracture a full forwards ankle." "My goodness, that sounds enchanting. What else?" "I also reveal who bombed the [colloquialism] out of the Mythstics' and Manix's press offices in the last two pages. It turns out that the Mad Bomber also bombed both the Yerns' and Redwoods' press rooms, but they haven't noticed yet. I'll tell you this much, it's not who you think it is." "Chef Cliff, we bid you adieu and best wishes with your exciting new book, "Gourmet Cooking the Mauler Way." Chef Cliff's Chocolate-Banana Drink 1 cup non-fat dry milk 1/2 cup chocolate drink powder 3 cups water 1 tablespoon sugar 1 teaspoon banana extract Combine all ingredients in blender. Add John Spleen if desired. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Waddayano. We dun puld a beeg ween ut uv da hat. Da beeg enspa ray shun 4 da teem muss hav bin C-in da manger plain SPARf un da feeld wit da Circus Stars uv Port Coquitlam. Eye dun shode da teem ow 2 pla dis gam wen derz a wessed cost teem on da feeld. Eye kan jus hop dat diss wil wurk 4 da Redwoods an den necks weke wit da Circus Stars. Loopy Creature PPP