------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Sherwood Bandits ------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Black Company ------------------------------------------------------- Welcome back to LGGE your station for all that is black! This is Garry Ablett with Tony Lockett as always! How about last weeks match, Tony?? Well, I think the boys let a real chance to win slip through their fingers. If The Howler had been in the match more that 5 minutes, the team would have most likely won. That close?? Yep. Let's face it, if this team could keep its forwards healthy for most of the game, AND keep from missing as many shots as they do, this team might even be at .500. How about next week's match?? The Company goes against the Sluggers from California. It looks like it will be a blowout loss for the Boys in black. Thank you Tony. This is Garry Ablett, for Tony Lockett, saying So Long from Khatovar!! This has been a LGGE production. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Melbourne Bloods ------------------------------------------------------- As expected, went down to the Sea-Hawks. Was not helped by a severe injury to centreman and captain John Garnaut. Hopefull this week against the Angels we can bounce back and give the opposition the good old fashioned shellacking that they deserve.......We can only hope.... To Chris Paragreen, Last week was a mere setback. By the time we're up against your red and black pussies, we'll be a well heeld footy machine and will give those Essendon mugs a well deserved hammering......... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the New Sturt Blues ------------------------------------------------------- Too many injuries. Ack! A big win might even get me into first place... But my opposition this week are no easy-beats. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- Another Big Big Loss. We are at an all time low.... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- The Bookie offers the following odds for the coming round of matches. GOLD Victorian Mandarins 1/40 v Giant Redwoods 30/1 Port Coquitlam Circus Stars 2/11 v Petawawa Purple Platypi 9/2 Buffalo Knights 9/4 v Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 4/11 Uluru Dingoes 2/9 v Viking Raiders 7/2 The Mythstics 15/1 v New Sturt Blues 1/18 Newcastle Novas 6/1 v Indiana Fire 1/8 Black Company 7/4 v California Sluggers 4/9 Christminster Clerics 4/5 v Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 4/5 SILVER Krazy Kenora Kangari --- v Sherwood Bandits 1000/1 Seren City Supers 2/7 v Wallamaloo Philosophers 11/4 Roxburgh Kittens 1/4 v Air-Pacific Groundhogs 3/1 CSUA 6/1 v Limboland Mists 1/8 Darwin Destroyers 2/1 v Himeji Herons 2/5 BRONZE Nar Nar Goon 8/13 v Manix Maulers 5/4 Melbourne Bloods 8/11 v Silicon Valley Angels EVENS Warrnambool Sea Hawks 1/14 v Melbourne Yerns 11/1 Winnipeg Rangers 6/1 v Rockdale Radishes 1/7 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- Tears. After such a wonderful start, the Herons were shell-shocked after the Philosphers managed a 130 point turn-around to beat the Herons and preventing them from achieving a winning record. Still, we can't complain - our original objective for the season was to win 5 games, which we have achieved regardless of the outcome of this week's game against the Destroyers. Indeed, win or lose, the Herons will finish the season in 6th place. So, this week is a dead rubber? Hardly. The Herons have few - if any - rivals, but if there is one, it is the Destroyers. In the two years we've played the Destroyers, we've finished neck-and-neck in the standings - in spite of the Destroyers having a 3-1 record against us. The Herons would very much like to even that up to 3-2, although admittedly losing but finishing higher on the ladder gives us a sense of sadistic pleasure. Did anyone watch the Essendon - Bulldogs game last weekend? What a heart-wrencher. I was happy to listen to the final tortuous minutes via the live audio broadcast. Geez I ve the internet (AND the Bombers)! Don't forget your footy tips! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- Buffalo fans were arrested for scalping tickets to this week's finale with the Yobbos. They were also arrested for adding loose change to parking meters, counting their chickens before they hatch and for pretending to be dentists and then -not- recommending sugarless gum to their patients who chew gum. Bridget Fonda was shocked "Our fans have been so well behaved this season, not counting the Manix stuff, so this all comes as a total surprise to us." Despite the 'total surprise', bail money, for 17 Girl Scouts who infiltrated Manix and sold tainted Thin Mints that transformed the consumers into Komodo dragons, was posted by the Knights' front office. In stadium news, the team will now serve flavored beverages as a non- alcoholic alternative in the late stages of home games. The flavors of these fresh treats include pumpkin, avocado and jellied pork. In team news, the Knights can finish anywhere from 7th to 12th so this week's match with the Yobbos is important. Of course, even more vital is the fact that team officials still have no idea what a Yobbo is. Gary Ablett was overheard using the word Yobbo in a sentence, but the woodchipper was running so hot and loud that no one could deciper him. -Buffalo Mgmt ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the sports pages of the Manix Times-Star-Bugle-Venture: The Manix Maulers face the always-crafty Goon this week to decide who finishes in first place in Bronze. Manix Head Coach Lucy The Goat remains aloof. Will Manix win? Will they? will they? will they? will they? Hmmm? In other news, Cliff Secord's gourmet cookbook, "Gourmet Cooking the Mauler Way," is enjoying brisk sales. In an unrelated story, gastro-intestinal illness in Manix has risen 1458% since last week. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- The middle of the long, dark Antarctic winter coincides with a loss to the bottom placed Novas who double their wins for the season at the expense of The Mythstics. Who can write press after that? ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Dah c-zon iz al on da lin heer dis week. Eef wee kan ween da gam, dat wil mak eet a veree gud c-zon 4 da PPP. Beetin da Circus Stars iz a tuff ting 2 du. An dey hav mee aza spi een der lin up. Beerz 2 da weiners. Loopy Creature PPP