------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Sherwood Bandits ------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- The heirarchy at Christminster are not all that happy with the demise of the Redwoods forcing us to clash with Limboland in the first round. While it'll be great to have another crack at them - a good old fashioned grudge match; it is hard to be very confident. end ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- The Bookie offers the following odds for the coming round of matches. Note that until cross-league correlations are available after this round, odds are only offered on matches between teams that were in the same league this season. CUP RACE Port Coquitlam Circus Stars 1/6 v Indiana Fire 5/1 Victorian Mandarins 2/7 v California Sluggers 3/1 New Sturt Blues 2/9 v Petawawa Purple Platypi 7/2 Uluru Dingoes 8/13 v Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 11/8 RELEGATION Melbourne Bloods 4/11 v Rockdale Radishes 2/1 Silicon Valley Angels 1/4 v Melbourne Yerns 13/4 After a full season of matches, the home ground advantage was computed to be 0.153 points. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- My goodness! If it weren't for the fact that the Herons have surpased their pre-season goals and finshed above the Destroyers (couldn't beat them if they failed to turn up to the game), I'd be mightily disappointed! As it is, I'm just a little annoyed and mightily perplexed as to why, after having a decent run through the first half of the season, have we lost five in a row? Still, we're fairly confident that we won't be relegated abck down to Bronze, and we won't be upset if we don't get promoted to Gold (we thought we might be outside chances if we were in 4th spot), but can we put in a good enough performance to start with a high seeding in Silver for next year? The good news is that we'll have a full-strength line-up to take on ... our opponents next week. And now to the real football - the Bombers have all but secured a place in the finals with 8 games to go, unlike those silly Swans in Sydney. Paul, my throats feeling mighty dry - start saving! I got 7 tips right in the foot-tipping last week. Can you do better than that this week? There are a few of you NOT getting your tips in. Shape up or ... choose your own punishment. Finally, Star Wars opens here in Japan on Saturday. That's Episode I. Episode III (the original) did actually make it to Japan some time ago, but most people I know haven't watched it. What do you expect from people that don't even understand Australian Football? My apologies to everyone if this press release is based too much on reality. Chris Paragreen Manager, Himeji Herons "Gambaroh Himeji! Hustle! Hustle! Hustle!" ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Krazy Kenora Kangari ------------------------------------------------------- While we're bold enough to announce and rejoice in our second consecutive perfect seaon, we're clever enough to understand that it only means we blew relegation last year! Here's to a better effort this year, and luck to you all! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- Buffalo fans swamped the team's ticket offices, hoping for good seats at this week's first re-league games vs. the Kittens. As many as 18 semi-interested Knights' fans suffered in 70 degree F heat and mild winds for, reportedly, as long as 15 minutes just hoping for some tickets. GM Bridget Fonda was beaming, "Yessir, the warmth and excitement shown by the fans was just great for everyone in the organization. I'm told that 3 or 4 fans were even wearing Knights' T-shirts or jerseys which just goes to show you how the team has the city in an uproar." Ticket offices all over Buffalo hired extra part-time help to handle the overwhelming seating requests, phone calls and media interviews. An additional clerk was also kept on to count how many drunken fans called to take GM Fonda out to dinner. When informed that she was too busy coaching the team, angry fans asked to speak to Neve Campbell instead only to find out that she didn't actually work in Buffalo. In team news, thanks to Caller-ID, requests to buy Knights' tickets by Manix citizens were easily thwarted. Instead of buying game tickets the silly Maulers fans were tricked into purchasing Rotisserie chicken cookers at $69.95 each, plus $7.95 S&H. -Knights Mgmt. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the pages of the Manix News Digest: At a hastily assembled press conference late yesterday afternoon, the Manix Maulers' press secretary, Smilin' Pete Zinger, said some pleasantries about the New Bomb-Proof Manix Press Galleria and then took questions. "Hey, I just have time for one question today, and make it an easy one." "Smilin' Pete, any thoughts about r-l?" "Hey, every game we win in r-l brings us one step closer to being in the same league as that evil Buffalo team. And you know what that means.. billions of dollars in merchandising and weapons contracts." ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- Let the relegation commence. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Port Coquitlam Circus Stars ------------------------------------------------------- In a just-before-relegation blockbuster move, the Goon aquired both Platapuss and Loopy Creature from the Circus Stars. Many will remember the Loopy Creature as being the former manager of the Platapi. He defected several weeks ago to the Circus Stars, and was instrumental in last weeks dismantling of the Platapi by the Stars. Platapuss was merely an ex-footy player dressed up in a platapuss costume. This move will surely catapult the Goon back into contention, or at least into respectable mediocrity. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Wee dun losed da bere gam. Dat hap N's mor off en dan nut. Anne we haz 2 playz dat kant pla een da SPARF Cup. At leesed we dun mad et een 2 da Cup agan dis yeer. Da meed-L uv da C-zon stan dins ded nut luk gud. Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Rockdale Radishes ------------------------------------------------------- This week sees the Radishes face the Bloods in what should be an = absolute ball-burster of a relegation match!! The Radishes are = confident, with only one loss in the past five weeks, with that being to = the mighty Goon. The Bloods are looking a bit shaky coming off a recent = loss, and with a few injuries (which of course I'm sure would never be = used as an excuse now would it?). I can see it going right down to the = wire, but the Radishes with superior fitness due to their rigorous = training and vegetable diets should come through with the goods. Blood = will be shed.....I just hope the boys from Melbourne don't start crying = ;-P