------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Black Company ------------------------------------------------------- This is LGGE your station for all that is Black. Welcome back Sparf Fans, to another week of As the Team Sucks! This is Garry Ablett with Tony Lockett as always! Tony, How about last weeks match?? Well Garry, I don't quite know what to say. The Walls on-ballers were better than our boys, but our boys up front were on fire. The wierd thing is that the boys in black managed to out score the Wall's on-ballers and really stomp their up-front players. How about this week's match against the Indiana Fire?? If the Fire is playing without two of their on-ballers who were injuried against Port Credit, I would say the boys have a chance. If not, then the Company is SOL. Thank you< Tony! This is Garry Ablett for Tony Lockett saying So Long from Khatovar! This has been a LGGE Production. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- With a now crisis point shortage of on-ball players, it looks like it will be back to silver for the clerics next year. end ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- The Bookie offers the following odds for the coming round of matches. CUP RACE New Sturt Blues 1/3 v Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 5/2 Uluru Dingoes 4/13 v Petawawa Purple Platypi 11/4 RELEGATION Indiana Fire 8/15 v Black Company 13/8 Buffalo Knights 4/5 v Viking Raiders EVENS The Mythstics 6/4 v Seren City Supers 4/7 Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 8/11 v Himeji Herons EVENS Christminster Clerics 8/1 v Krazy Kenora Kangari 1/11 Newcastle Novas 4/1 v Limboland Mists 1/5 Wallamaloo Philosophers --- v Melbourne Yerns 1000/1 CSUA 1/90 v Silicon Valley Angels 70/1 Roxburgh Kittens 1/90 v Melbourne Bloods 70/1 Darwin Destroyers 1/14 v Warrnambool Sea Hawks 12/1 Sherwood Bandits 11/8 v Air-Pacific Groundhogs 8/13 Nar Nar Goon 4/7 v Manix Maulers 6/4 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- The only downsides from the Knights' impressive win over the Kittens were the injury to John Salma (again) and the missing Iron Man. The wound John Salma suffered is very mysterious - at first it was believed that an errant elbow struck Salma on the temple but video testimony confrims that in fact a horsefly flew into Salma's head. During mating season the male horsefly can reach up to speeds of 90 mph and it seems that during an upfield run Salma got between said fly and his, well, prey. At just the right moment a massive impact occurred and now Salma is out for, perhaps, the season. Iron Man left the locker room last week, apparently despondent over his diminished role on the team as well as the poor performance of "Summer of Sam" at the box office. Always a loner, many have some questions about Iron Man's desire to leave the team for good and join up his long-lost true calling of painting, the Bob Ross way. More to come... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the pages of Manix Commando Style Magazine, news briefs section: The award-winning Manix Commando Team 7 kidnapped Iron Man, former Buffalo Knights mobile, late Saturday evening. Manix Ball Bearings, Inc. (MNX:MBB) hired Team 7 to swipe Man, break all his mirrors, perfume his cat, and root through his underwear drawer. Man was quickly air freighted to our gentle Republic to be melted down and manufactured into type #12056-B-M987 ball bearings. It was subsequently discovered that Iron Man wasn't made of Fe after all, so he was stripped naked and mocked by a bunch of old ladies (namely, Manix Commando Team 7) and finally returned to his compound. At press time, there was no comment from the evil Buffalo team. You know, the team with a cow as a mascot. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Port Coquitlam Circus Stars ------------------------------------------------------- The Circus Stars are enjoying their week off, with a trip to Las Vegas to visit the various fine cathouses. I mean casinos. Definitely the casinos.