------------------------------------------------------- Press from the New Sturt Blues ------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- We're just building for next year! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- The Bookie offers the following odds for the premiership. Port Coquitlam Circus Stars 6/4 Victorian Mandarins 11/4 New Sturt Blues 3/1 Uluru Dingoes 7/1 The Bookie offers the following odds for the coming round of matches. CUP RACE Port Coquitlam Circus Stars 4/9 v Uluru Dingoes 15/8 Victorian Mandarins 4/5 v New Sturt Blues EVENS RELEGATION Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 8/11 v Indiana Fire EVENS Petawawa Purple Platypi 11/8 v California Sluggers 8/13 Buffalo Knights EVENS v Seren City Supers 4/5 Viking Raiders 2/1 v Limboland Mists 2/5 Black Company 13/4 v Krazy Kenora Kangari 1/4 Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 1/3 v Nar Nar Goon 5/2 Himeji Herons 4/7 v Darwin Destroyers 11/8 The Mythstics 4/13 v Roxburgh Kittens 11/4 Christminster Clerics 8/13 v CSUA 11/8 Newcastle Novas 4/7 v Wallamaloo Philosophers 6/4 Air-Pacific Groundhogs 4/9 v Sherwood Bandits 15/8 Manix Maulers 1/40 v Rockdale Radishes 33/1 Warrnambool Sea Hawks 1/13 v Melbourne Yerns 11/1 Melbourne Bloods EVENS v Silicon Valley Angels 8/11 ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- The Knights stole away a 4 point win over the Vikings that was in part, in fact in whole, due to the injury causing cheap-shot tactics of the team's new assistant trainer, the Honorable Governor Jesse Ventura. "Yep, Jesse got the team going", coach Bridget Fonda confessed, "and once they got into the injury groove there was no stopping them." Viking Grant Ruebenicht was injured early on as John Shania and John Agoraphobia crept onto the field from their seats at the end of the bench. While Shania distracted Grant with an in-depth discussion of whether or not light can exist inside a black hole, Agoraphobia tied Grant's shoelaces to a long rope that was hitched to a dumptruck. The trash-carrying vehicle pulled Grant right out of the stadium, down 4 miles of city streets and through a riverbed before tossing him, and 5000 pounds of expired beef jerky, into a landfill. Darren Mansell was hurt when John Salma's friend Wakko took a large mallet out of his pocket and crushed Mansell's skull into tiny bits. Wakko then ate the mallet, belched and sang an opera. James West was injured by bad movie reviews and went home sobbing. The most elaborate injury was to injury backup Ivana Tinkle, who was taken to Mighty Buffalo City Hopsital and Organ Harvesting Farm after a massive swarm of insurance agents took the field and began promting Ivana to sign up for term-life plans. Ivana, swamped by the pressure of so many agents asking for so much time and money, suffered a neurotic breakdown and left the field in a nice new leather jacket with lots of wonderful snaps and buckles...in the back. This week the Knights face off against the Supers, who beat the Mythstics last week despite some injuries. No word yet on the Supers' attempt to draft The Bowler, The Spleen and Mr. Furious in time for this week's tilt. -Buffalo Mgmt ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- An 2 tink dat wuz r lo Fat Teeg weke. Da Inn Shur Ants Kump An Nees duz nut wanna tock 2 us an e mor. Loopy Creature PPP