------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Black Company ------------------------------------------------------- Now, Back to LGGE, your Home for all that's black. Hello and welcome back to another week of Black Company Football! Theis is Garry Ablett, with Tony Lockett as always. So, Tony, what did you think of last week?? Well, Garry, Not much to say. The team had three players go down, and they lost by over 60. They did pretty much as expected. Tony, what about this weeks game?? Well, Garry, it's against the great tanking team, The Giant Redwoods. Now, for as long as I can remember, this team always tanks against us and STILL bashes our brains in. How's THAT for a prediction?? What do you think the loss will be by?? Oh at least 20 points. Well, that's al the time we have, so for Tony Lockett, this is Garry Ablett saying So Long from the LGGE! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Melbourne Bloods ------------------------------------------------------- Got out of jail against the Warriors last week. I was expecting a good win, and was almost rudely surprised...... Week off this week to recoup and get ready for the round 4 match....... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the New Sturt Blues ------------------------------------------------------- NEW UNLEY: Blues Prepare for Game 98 Manager Barry has been too busy playing Civilization: Call to Power to have time to prepare a press statement. He has commented that he is disappointed that the development of SPARF hasn't been included as a technological advance by the people at Activision. He is also intrigued by the concept of developing weaponry. "An elephant gun would be good. We'll playing the Circus Stars before long and I'm rather partial to ivory." ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- "It's been hard to keep gettin' the team up, " said King Sunny after another loss in gold. "We've acheived so many of our long term goals already; to reach gold and to play the redwoods - it might be time to set some new goals - like being competitive in gold (or against the redwoods). It was great to see the game played in such good spirit (no injuries) - and it was a great honour for our boys to be on the field with those giant redwoods who for so long have been the yardstick for the entire league..." ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the CSUA ------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- There are no odds this week. Currently, TinHead thinks there is a 27.5 point home ground advantage, which is biassing things a little... replace.tcl and sparfviewer.tcl have been updated in the last week or so. The current versions are available at http://www.cs.mu.oz.au/~evan/sparf/. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- Any North supporters out there? CARNA BOMBERS! Not once, but TWICE! (Don't know what I'm on about? Check out last week's press.) Ironically, both champion teams suffered fairly serious injuries, although I think the Dons fared far worse than the Herons. Unfortunately for the Herons, Takano Hana's fractured collar bone, suffered last week, forced his removal from the ground. Bandits must be tougher than Groundhogs (but still not as tough as sumo wrestlers.) Wakari Nikui failed a last minute fitness-test, prompting a reshuffle of our line-up. As a result Kitty Chan's (hit it, Stevie!) translocation lessons were cancelled and instead she was thrown in at Full Forward. The idea was that everyone would be so taken up by her that the ball would always head for our goals. The final score speaks for itself. The Bandit's TTTT Full-back fell hook, line and sinker. His stats consist of one meager defgood - obtained after he was blind-folded at half-time. On the other hand, RRRR Kitty Chan finished with 1 defgood and 1 goal when her opponent crumbed the ball, she batted her eye-lids, and her opponent promptly gave her the football 5 metres out. (It was after this that he was blind-folded). On the down-side, the only "goal" or forward-pockets kicked was in the form of 6 behinds. *sigh* Kitty Chan seems to be a double-edged sword. This week we take on the other win-less team of the Supers. Is this our chance to go 3 from 3? Well, we won't get our hopes up too high, so we'll predict a loss and be happy with disappointment. The think-tank is working on the most effective place to put Kitty Chan this week. Don't forget to put your tips in for the Footy Tipping competition this week, and for those silly people who tipped AGAINST the Dons AGAIN last week, don't make the same mistake a third time, okay? Chris Paragreen Manager, Himeji Herons "Gambaroh Himeji! Hustle! Hustle! Hustle!" ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Krazy Kenora Kangari ------------------------------------------------------- Kangari looking pretty at 2-0, despite Dennis Shuss taking a paw-swipe to the head courtesy of a naughty Kitten! Who's next? ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- Following the team's four-goal loss to the Mythstics, coach Bridget Fonda quit her post as Buffalo's manager and GM to take over a similar position in Rhode Island, then changed her mind and returned to the Buffalo squad in the nick of time for this week's training sessions. "I just wanted to do the right thing. Besides, if I really wanted to commit career suicide I've have gotten a job coaching the Maulers." John Salma, mildly injured last week on a play involving a goose and a rollercoaster, was glad Coach Fonda came back. "She's really helpful and her keen insights and devious mind have come up with some really sneaky strategies for this week's foe, the Blues." Rumor has it that the Mighty Mighty Buffalo Genetic Research, Cloning and Thai Takeout Labs have replicated hundreds of copies of Brad Pitt, Neve Campbell and Ashley Judd in the hopes that a stadium filled with beautiful stars with confuse the feeble-minded Blues players. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the pages of the Manix Post-Dispatch-Courant-Bee: The Manix Maulers had last week off and the team carelessly squandered it in RHP Cliff Secord's hospital room/weapons cache instead of training. Hans Morganthaler admitted that "Although a hospital room is fun and all, Cliff smells funny and there aren't any good pubs in his room." Stephan Durer added "We were playing this footy sim called Grand Virtual World Strategic Postal Australian Rules Football 2000 Extreme 5 Mayhem 4000 Ultimate Zero III by Virtucon. It was pretty good, but when we played as Buffalo, the game crashed. Either that, or it was because I threw a chair at the screen." In other news, shares of Virtucon (NYSE:VIRT) fell sharply because of the usual negative publicity of being associated with anything Manix Mauler. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Newcastle Novas ------------------------------------------------------- Now if only the Novas management could come to grips with the concept of "substitution code" ... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Da pat urn iz kon tin U-in, az weez til hav R wurstest reck ord sins we wuz in bronz en R furst yeer. tings kan on lee git beter frum heer. Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Viking Raiders ------------------------------------------------------- Bugger... should've won that one. Expect carnage, Novas... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Livermore Rowdy Yobbos ------------------------------------------------------- Breathless from being so breathless, Boca Pescadero has stopped to ruminate on what has become a young man's game. Undefeated so far! Woo-hoo a Streak! W L T 2 0 0 Support your local team! Go Rowdy Yobbos!