------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Sherwood Bandits ------------------------------------------------------- Normality resumed. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Black Company ------------------------------------------------------- Welcome back to LGGE, your Black Company Network. Welcome back to This week in Black Company Footy! This is Garry Ablett with Tony Lockett for color! Black is SUCH a drap color! Well, Tony, what did you think of last weeks game?? Well, Garry, I must admit, I was impressed with this game! I mean, when was the last time this team was at .500 4 matches in the season?? The only time I can think of was the team's last season in Bronze. I mean, one more win and this team ties the team record for the most wins against the top 'o Gold! TWO more and it sets a team mark. Tony, you seem very impressed with the team right now. Why is that?? Garry, this team snuck a win past the Mighty Redwoods and then followed it up with a convincing victory against the always tough Viking Raiders. I think the Raiders were thinking more about the teams possible take-over bid from Al Davis, the Owner/Coach of the NFL's Oakland Raiders. I mean, NOBODY in their right, or even left, mind wants to play for him in Oakland if they can help it. Rumor has it if he gets control of the Raiders he is going to move them to Manix! And nobody in this league wants to play in Manix if they can help it. It's always raining and Neve Campbell refuses to set foot there after getting half the Manix team to throw up on her boots after a really nasty Manix loss. It sounds like you don't like Manix much, Tony. Nope. I would rather play or watch those Clowns in Port whereever. They have a really good half-time show and the moving goalposts make the game more fun to watch. How do you think the team will fair against the Stars?? Well, the only time the Black Boys beat the Clowns was back when the clowns were still in Silver. I think the game will be at least a 6 goal loss for the Company, but very entertaining to watch! Well that's all the time we have for tonight. This is Garry Ablett, for Tony Lockett saying So Long from Khatover! ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Melbourne Bloods ------------------------------------------------------- Too Busy for Press....... God I hate it when I've barely got time to breathe...... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the New Sturt Blues ------------------------------------------------------- NEW UNLEY: Game 100! This week marks the New Sturt Blues 100th game under Manager Barry. With a W-L record of 59-40 since the team was formed from the wreckage of the Beistas Black Eagles in 1993, this year marks the Blues' first serious attempt at taking the flag and marks the final year in a four year program. Although our 2-2 record this year is a disappointment, the team will strengthen as the year goes on. Watch for us in September. And to Mel, a big thankyou for all the years of dedication you have shown to us. SPARF has become a big, ongoing part of my life and has outlasted any relationship or job I've ever had. Through two uni degrees, three cities and all of life's ups and downs, SPARF has been there. And to Scott.... ready to go 4-1? ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- This week we welcome Inspector Gadget in the team (albeit in a bench warming capacity). It's hard to see the club mantaining its positive attitude in the face of continuing defeats.... end ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Uluru Dingoes ------------------------------------------------------- The perceived home ground advantage has been reduced to 4 points. The Bronze matches are more likely to be correct this week. GOLD Newcastle Novas 5000/1 v Victorian Mandarins --- Giant Redwoods 1/10 v California Sluggers 8/1 Port Coquitlam Circus Stars 2/7 v Black Company 11/4 Christminster Clerics 7/1 v Petawawa Purple Platypi 1/9 Buffalo Knights 8/13 v Kuala Lumpur Technocrats 5/4 New Sturt Blues 2/1 v Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 2/5 Uluru Dingoes 1/8 v The Mythstics 6/1 Indiana Fire 1/9 v Viking Raiders 7/1 SILVER Air-Pacific Groundhogs 10000/1 v Krazy Kenora Kangari --- Seren City Supers 8/1 v Limboland Mists 1/11 Roxburgh Kittens 7/2 v Himeji Herons 2/9 CSUA 1/8 v Sherwood Bandits 6/1 Darwin Destroyers 11/8 v Wallamaloo Philosophers 8/13 BRONZE Melbourne Yerns 50/1 v Nar Nar Goon 1/70 Melbourne Bloods 4/13 v Rockdale Radishes 11/4 Winnipeg Rangers 10000/1 v Manix Maulers --- Melbourne Warriors 1000/1 v Silicon Valley Angels --- ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- Any West Coast Eagle supporters out there? GO AWAY. I don't want to talk about it. At least the Herons got back into their winning ways with our second win over the Bandits. We had more of the ball than last time we met, but managed to score only an extra 9 points. By contrast, Bandits managed a higher score from less shots. This can probably be attributed to their taking out our backline. A look at the ladder will show that the Herons have conceeded fewer points than any other team - necessary given that we also have scored fewer points than most. We hope that the collateral damage to our back-line is not so bad that we can't restrict the Kittens' score. The Herons played the Kittens during the relegation series last year in a game that also cost us a lot in injuries. The Herons are hoping that this time it's pay-back time. Don't forget to get your footy tips in - but I don't know why I bother. Averaging only 4 games around, that's just the same as random guessing! Perhaps I need a new strategy.... Chris Paragreen Manager, Himeji Herons "Gambaroh Himeji! Hustle! Hustle! Hustle!" ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Krazy Kenora Kangari ------------------------------------------------------- Ouch. Pain hurts. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Roxburgh Kittens ------------------------------------------------------- Back up to .500 (2-2), but not getting the offensive punch we'd hoped. Maybe a few lineup changes will help jump start the team. I'm happy with the new Mobile crew, and how the rookies seems to be shaping up. The aging veterans are showing a few creaks and aches, but the team seems to be holding together (Coach Murphy attributes the baling twine and chewing gum). Next up, the Herons ... ranked #3 after last week. A real test of the team and their desire to win. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- The disappointed Buffalo Knights fell by a scant 9 points to the Indiana Fire, an especially painful loss considering 3 Buffalo injuries in the first 20 minutes of the game sealed their fate. Coach Fonda wasn't happy with the injuries. "Yeah, well we had two mobiles go down to injury so that's gonna hurt bad. The only good news is this next game is with the Technocrats and they're just as beat up as us. We expect a 70-60 game with both teams running a lot of idiots and warm bodies on the pitch, hoping they play well and try not to get themselves killed." The Knights welcome two warmbodies for rent, Castor and Pollux, and hopefully this is the only time they'll appear in Knights' jumpers. Ever. On a more positive note, Neve Campbell beat up Eric Stoltz in a bar fight after he made some rude comments about making her 'Scream'. A final note, stock in the Buffalo Knights Football Club franchise rose on the Buffalo Might Trading Exchange by 1/32 of a point after the team's official website began showing AVI and MPEG movies of John Salma throwing vegetables into the wood chipper out back. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Victorian Mandarins ------------------------------------------------------- Mandarin Mutterings - scribblings found in wastebasket another easy win this week - sorry Novas ... gotta fix that bilge pump under C section. the field is starting to list to to the right. source of viewsim bug? ... wish yobbos plan would start fluxing again ... redwoods busy rebuilding, not a factor for a couple of years ... this barge sure gets lousy mileage ... circus stars problem - link to Glen Clark somehow? cause media distraction? ... ought to do some press, give other managers short break between Buffalo/Manix rants ... Winnipeg - should new teams be given better players? ... use that log boom for shelter shed? ... hire janitorial services to clean this place up, check references to avoid Mythstic spies ... rosebud ... sell MSFT ... call Huang, see how he likes new situation ... find rules for blernsball, possible off-season draw? ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the pages of the Manix Times-Star-Bugle-Venture: The Manix Maulers had another week off and the team carelessly squandered it by talking on the phone with Laura Schwendinger. Elsewhere, an unconfirmed source revealed that officials of the Mighty Mighty Mighty Manix Center for Advanced Cloning and Really Advanced Bad Haircuts were concerned that recent press releases from the Mythstics may be accurate. The reports in question, which describe a certain 'guest' in The Mythstics freezer, contradict the fact that Manix didn't actually kidnap and clone Commissioner Mel in the off-season. Even though there are currently 800 million pages of documentation supporting the fact that Mel clones were in storage in Manix, an anonymous employee eventually went down to the basement and discovered that they actually had Neve Campbell in the freezer in spite of Buffalo players who won't shut up about how they're always dating her. Plans were said to be underway to invade the Mythstics freezer, but these plans were summarily scrapped when it was discovered that the Manix Kill-O-Sat GPS System had no idea where the heck Madame Venusia lives. Whomever is in the Mythstics freezer was unavailable for comment. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- As a cloud of smoke dissipated to reveal the serene countenance of The Mythstics' resident pyschic consultant, press spokesperson and medium, Madame Venusia, the media contingent hastily grabbed for their notebooks, pencils and tape recorders and took their places in the eeriy lit dome of the Press Crypt. (...The writer pauses for breath and half the Press Seance passes without incident...) Venusia blinked, the spirit of the late Walt Dythney apparently gone, and turned to face the press. "That will be all, ladies and gentlemen, apart from a brief statement that the management have asked me to read. "'We express our sincere regret at the shocking news that the international headquarters of media magnate Rupert Mythdock were destroyed by a freak meteor strike and wish him a speedy recovery from his injuries.'" With that the gong clanged and Venusia vanished. Conversations sprang up along the lines of: "Mate, what was that all about?" "I don't know - he's your boss. Don't tell me he's involved with The Mythstics?" "Mate, if he is it's news to me." The appearance of Ed with the post-Seance eats ended the small talk as the media presences added vital insulation layers to their bodies for the chilly flight back to civilisation. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Newcastle Novas ------------------------------------------------------- Novas management is planning for next season in Silver by pulling likely future talent from the field and sticking them in the gym for the season. This tactic has combined with constant injuries to produce an ever-changing lineup for the fan ... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Air-Pacific Groundhogs ------------------------------------------------------- No GNU's is good GNU's. This is KUOP, severing the Central Valley and Mother Lode areas. _______________________________________________________________ Get Free Email and Do More On The Web. Visit http://www.msn.com ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Weez guts lutz uv hurtin U-nets. Duz dat mak me a hurtin U-net? Dis iz nut a pret-E site. Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Rockdale Radishes ------------------------------------------------------- Only 2 goals short of the Radishes first ever victory in SPARF last week against the highly fancied Angels. This week we face the Bloods coming off a good win. Hopefully it should be another competitive match for the Radishes and we will be hoping to come away with the points this time. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the California Sluggers ------------------------------------------------------- Go Rowdy-Viking-Mandarin-Dingo Slugs! Add another prefix to the name. Hey, it could be you. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Livermore Rowdy Yobbos ------------------------------------------------------- Yobbo management was suprised to find that the Novas thought they had a chance with or without injuries. Still, if we had tanked there might have been another suprise. The Yobbos will continue to beat the Novas, this year and next year. The year after that is open to question. This week's match with the Blues is too close to call. There will not be any of that lying about the pitch here (or there, I forget how to read the "home/away" stuff). Well, if it's there then we may dis the pitch a bit, but all in good fun. Undefeated so far! Second serious challenge ahead! W L T 4 0 0 Support your local team! Go Rowdy Yobbos!