------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Sherwood Bandits ------------------------------------------------------- The Bandits farewell 2 of their orignal players who broke down in pre-pre-season training. Big Ed Hurley and Will Hayward were offered the choice of either a rigorous pre-season, or a bullet. They chose the latter... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Melbourne Bloods ------------------------------------------------------- Ah another glorious pre-season of flogging the players to a well oiled machine, oh well to a machine, anyway. Welcome to all the new cannon-fodder um expansion teams in Bronze...... See ya on the field, I gotta go flog my mobiles some more....... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Christminster Clerics ------------------------------------------------------- The Clerics looked excited on the track - in anticipation of finally meeting the best sparf has to offer (playing in gold that is). Its a shame this event coincides with the changing of the guard on-ball wise..... Our mission statement - "Avoid Relegation!" ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Himeji Herons ------------------------------------------------------- The atmosphere is really revving up in Himeji as the new season approaches and the Herons get set to make their debut in Silver. Keeping with our tradition of getting off to a bad start, we failed to secure all the rookies we wanted in the first round of the draft. We may end up playing the season with a smaller roster, which will probably end up as a long-term recruitment of warm bodies. Having said this, we're happy with the recruits we have managed to secure so far. Heading the list is: Anpan Man - This lovable animated super-hero is made from bread filled with a bean-paste. Irresistible to many and disgusting to most, we're hoping that being full of beans, he'll run the opposition ragged. We originally considered recruiting his arch rival, Baikin (Bacteria) Man, but decided against it when we discovered that the standard SPARF insurance wouldn't cover the team vaccination. Pika Chuu - This yellow "electric mouse" is the most famous of the "Pocket Monster" family. He made world-wide fame in a TV episode that triggered epileptic fits in young children. Just imagine what he'll do to your team! Kitty Chan - Cute, adorable, and very pink. She can't play footy, but boy, can she make money! Kitty Chan is a major marketing success in Japan that we are hoping to cash in on. Watch out for the complete range of Heron Kitty products, including footballs, boots, lunch-boxes and stationery - all with Kitty's pink and white effigy. In other news, with the departure of Paul Simon at the end of last season, Che Collins will be taking over the captaincy this year. Our star on-baller is likely to see less time on the ball and more time leading the defence, but expect him to remain a major factor in the on-fields exploits of the team this season. Chris Paragreen Manager, Himeji Herons "Gambaroh Himeji! Hustle! Hustle! Hustle!" ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Krazy Kenora Kangari ------------------------------------------------------- Yeeeeee Haaaaaa!!! Let us at 'em! ------=_NextPart_000_01BE624E.B26531A0 Content-Type: text/html; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

start
Bugs Bunny
4 3 2 3 2
Wee = Willy Winkie
Matt A'Dour
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Yosemite Sam
4 2 4 4 0
Sam = Bony
Mel Lunn
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Daffy Duck
4 2 2 2 1
Les Likely
Ken = Ajan
Harry Bax
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Porky Pig
4 1 3 3 0
Cal = Lander
Paul Lischt
Yves Troff
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Elmer Fudd
4 1 0 0 = 6
Justin Time
Chet Lagg
Phil Harmonic
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Foghorn = Leghorn
4 0 0 0 7
Dennis Shuss
Fay Tacompli
Les = Seyfair
next
Pepe LePieu
4 1 2 2 0
Willy Wonka
Lee = Ping
Joe Kurswald
Miles Toogo
end
press:
Yeeeeee = Haaaaaa!!! Let us at 'em!

------=_NextPart_000_01BE624E.B26531A0-- ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Roxburgh Kittens ------------------------------------------------------- Another year, another fresh start. Four veterans take their leave this season: Ian Miller (7GP, 4G, 5B, 6Dg), Ella Font (8GP, 18Dg), Adrian Gleeson (14GP, 53Dg) and Besten Rebox (11GP, 8G, 9B, 20Dg) all hung up their shoes during the break. "I think I speak for everyone when I say that the Kittens appreciate and respect the contributions these players made to the team last year," manager Jason Langlois said at a press conference held to announce the retirements. "We felt it was best to let them retire with dignity, rather than shopping them around like used cars." Joining the team this year are four new faces. "We feel that with this new infusion of youth, the Kittens are a real contender to move into Gold this year," coach Robert Walls said. "They're a talented bunch, and expect to see them get as much game time or more than last years bunch." Last year, the rookie four of Boreas, Bucephalus, Briareus and Bellerophon averaged 11 game appearances and contributed strongly to the Kittens defense. The stand out in the new crowd could well be Callisto. "I expect to play a starting roll in the backfield right out of the gate," the confident rookie said. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Buffalo Knights ------------------------------------------------------- The Knights open this Gold season in new uniforms, abandoning their red, white and blue tops for all-black shirts, shorts and numbers. When asked if that won't be confusing, manager Bridget Fonda nodded in agreement. "That's all part of our strategy. If they can't read our numbers they won't be able to tell who is playing in which field position. We're hoping for the element of surprise." When a reporter asked if that won't confuse the Knights' players as well, Ms.Fonda became enraged and instructed security to take the man out back to Neve Campbell and the wood-chipper. The rest of the press conference was remarkably low-key and quiet. -Knights Mgmt Timothy Cree timcree@lanminds.net "Life does not cease to be funny when someone dies any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh" - George Bernard Shaw ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Manix Maulers ------------------------------------------------------- From the pages of the Manix News Digest: The Manix Maulers announced late yesterday that the regularly scheduled pre-season press conference was cancelled. Then a statement was issued that the cancellation was in error and the press conference was back on and Manix Mauler management was regretful for any inconvenience. Shortly thereafter, a further statement was issued that, no, the original cancellation was correct and there would be no press conference and that the Maulers didn't really regret any inconvenience. Scholars believe that this should be interpreted as a generally positive sign for the Maulers' season. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the The Mythstics ------------------------------------------------------- Outside, the remorseless Antarctic sun beat down but the Press Crypt remained in darkness. The season had not yet begun... ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Air-Pacific Groundhogs ------------------------------------------------------- Another new season, and already the Groundhogs are awash in con- troversy. Sources close to the coach report that the failure to draft anyone on the first draft was a deliberate move by Coach Nemeth, while others maintain that the bids were intercepted on the way to the League. Stay tuned true believers for further developements! This is KUOP, severing the Central Valley and Mother Lode areas. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Port Coquitlam Circus Stars ------------------------------------------------------- After two straight Cup runs, the Circus Stars (tm) have firmly established themselves as one of the premier teams in SPARF. So this is year we blow it all by fielding a team of overpaid, underskilled, circus has-beens. Last year's rookie-of-the-year Pick Pocket returns to the team this year, where he ranked #2 in team revenue: just behind beer sales but ahead of ticket sales. Opposing teams are urged to not bring their wallets onto the field of play. end. The Amazing Sling! All truth goes through 3 steps: slingman@vcn.bc.ca First, it is ridiculed. Vancouver, BC Second, it is violently opposed. (604) 240-8107 Finally, it is accepted as self-evident -Arthur Shopenhauer ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Petawawa Purple Platypi ------------------------------------------------------- Tim 4 a gnu B gin in. Weez iz nut gunna hav a sue purr star c-zon, butt wee wil nut be e-z pick ins eder. Eets jus gud 2 B prak tis in a gan. Loopy Creature PPP ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Rockdale Radishes ------------------------------------------------------- nuffin ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Melbourne Warriors ------------------------------------------------------- Let's start the season with some good training. ------------------------------------------------------- Press from the Livermore Rowdy Yobbos ------------------------------------------------------- Undefeated so far! W L T 0 0 0 Support your local team! Go Rowdy Yobbos!