It has often been noted that many vulnerable people have a problem with self-recrimination (being overly critical of themselves) and that they also have a problem with self-destructive guilt (feeling bad about the wrong things that they have done). But a lot of people have trouble figuring out just what it is that vulnerable people have to feel so guilty about.
The vulnerable people are the ones who are often forced by stronger people to become scapegoats who take the blame for everything that goes wrong. By playing the role of the scapegoat, they often end up helping other people much more than they hurt them because they are absorbing the feelings of guilt that would have otherwise gone to the people who forced them to become a scapegoat. The vulnerable person who gets put in the role of a scapegoat might have been born at a time when their family was going through a hard time such as a death in the family or a financial setback. When something like this happens and a new family member is born there is a danger that some of the more unkind members of the community that the family is involved with might start to put increased amounts of pressure on the family in an effort to try to hurt them at a time when they are down and vulnerable.
When a family is pressured in this sort of a way and a new member is born into the family, there is a danger that the family will transfer the negative spiritual energy that is coming into them from the members of their community that are pressuring the family to the new family member. But after a while when the family realizes that the new family member is having trouble developing strong relationships with other people they might decide to take some action to try to correct the situation.
For example, they might talk to the vulnerable person about the pressure that the family was under at the time that they were born in an effort to hopefully help the vulnerable person understand what might have led to their vulnerability. The vulnerable person might at this point feel bad that their birth came at a time that was difficult for their family. They might apologize and they might express to the other family members some feelings of guilt for what happened. After the vulnerable person apologizes and accepts part of the responsibility for what happened there is a good chance that the other family members will start to feel increased pressure coming into them. Now that the vulnerable person is an equal part of the family and is no longer being used as a scapegoat for the family's problems, the other family members will start to feel the pressure that the vulnerable person had been absorbing for them. The other family members at this point might decide that it would be better for them to not accept the apology of the vulnerable person. They might decide that they would be better off to keep the vulnerable person in the role of the scapegoat so that they could avoid having to deal with the increased pressure that they would feel if they accepted the apology of the vulnerable person and gave them an equal role in the family.
During the period of time when the family is considering giving the vulnerable person a more equal role in the family it is likely that members of the community that the family is a part of will be observing what is happening in the family. There might be someone in the family's community who enjoys making other people feel guilty. This person will notice that the vulnerable person (a vulnerable guy in this case) has a problem with guilt. This person who enjoys making other people feel guilty knows that the vulnerable guy is hoping that his family will decide to give him an equal role in his family but that the family is nervous about doing that because they like the benefits of using the vulnerable guy as a scapegoat. This person who likes to make other people feel guilty might make a comment at a community function indicating that he thinks that the vulnerable guy is not really a scapegoat who is being forced to take on his family's guilt. He might say that the vulnerable guy already has an equal role in his family. This will make the vulnerable guy nervous because he is afraid that this type of a comment might encourage his family to continue their policy of not giving him an equal role in the family and make them think that it is alright for them to use him as a scapegoat. When this happens and the people in the family's community see him get nervous they might misinterpret that as a sign of guilt and this will make him even more nervous.
The vulnerable guy might at this point try to become friends with the person who likes to make other people feel guilty (who we will call a guilty-type guy). The vulnerable guy will be hoping that if he is nice to the guilty-type guy he might be able to get this guy to stop making comments at community functions that make it harder for him to convince his family members to give him an equal role in the family. The guilty-type guy might pretend to become the vulnerable guy's friend for a short period of time and he might stop making comments at community functions that make it harder for the vulnerable guy to improve his position in his family. But then suddenly the guilty-type guy will stop being friends with the vulnerable guy and will resume hurting the vulnerable guy with his comments. The people in the family's community who have been observing the situation will wonder what happened. They will assume that the guilty-type guy would not have become friends with the vulnerable guy unless the vulnerable guy was someone who was similar to the guilty-type guy (someone who liked to make other people feel guilty). When the people in the family's community ask the guilty-type guy why his friendship with the vulnerable guy ended, he will tell them that he liked the vulnerable guy but that he was too extreme and that he went too far when he tried to make other people feel guilty. The guilty-type guy has now given the vulnerable guy a spiritual identity. He has been given a spiritual identity in his community as being a person who likes to make other people feel guilty. The vulnerable guy might not believe the lie that he is someone who likes to make other people feel guilty but the people in the community that the family is a part of believe that he is that type of a person. It will be hard for the vulnerable guy to understand this spiritual identity that he has been given.
Before discussing techniques that the vulnerable guy might use to deal with the false spiritual identity that has been created for him by the guilty-type guy, it might be useful to look at the different types of spiritual worlds that most people live in and compare those spiritual worlds to the types of spiritual worlds that people such as the vulnerable guy live in.
of us feel that we have a pretty good idea as to what is right and what is
wrong, and we are usually not afraid to express our opinions about what we
consider to be right and what we consider to be wrong.
How can we be so sure that we are right about an issue when the guy who
lives down the block from us is so sure that we are wrong about the same issue?
The guy who lives down the block began a socialization process of
automatically exchanging his subconscious spiritual thoughts and feelings with
other people through the Collective Subconscious early in life.
We also began the same socialization process early in life.
How can our opinions be so different?
Even though we were each developing spiritual links with other people as
we were growing up, we were not developing our spiritual links with the same
people who we developed our spiritual links with became an important part of our
thought processes. They became like
a conscience telling us what was right and what was wrong.
Whenever we would express our opinions about an issue, we would feel that
we were being “watched” and that we were being supported by these people who
we were spiritually linked to. And
the guy who lived down the block also felt that he was being “watched” and
that he was being supported by the people who he was spiritually linked to.
We did not feel that we were living in a fantasy world and the guy who
the block did not feel that he was living in a fantasy world.
Our spiritual connections with the people who we were spiritually linked
to were very real and very dynamic and those spiritual connections were a very
important part of our reality. And
the spiritual connections of the guy down the block were very real and very
dynamic to him. Those spiritual
connections were a very important part of his reality.
We lived on the same block as the other guy but we lived in different
a family gives one of their members only a limited role in the spiritual entity
that is made up of the family members (and takes away some of that individual's
spiritual energy), they might create a fantasy that says that the vulnerable
family member was given an equal role in his family and that he is capable of
normal exchanges of spiritual energy with other people.
a vulnerable guy starts to develop relationships with people outside of his
family, the people who he meets will be confused.
Because of the fact that they believe the family’s fantasy that the
vulnerable guy is living in a real spiritual world (and not a fantasy world),
they will wonder why they are only able to develop a very practical and very
limited type of a relationship with him.
people who the vulnerable guy meets develop a deep set of emotions (which is the
most important part of their soul). They
also develop a practical set of emotions. An
example of a person using their practical emotions might be a car saleswoman
merging the practical part of her soul with the souls of her customers for the
purpose of getting them to buy an automobile from her.
When a customer comes into the car dealership she tries to build rapport
with that customer by developing a practical sort of spiritual attachment with
them. After creating this spiritual
attachment she will be exchanging subconscious spiritual thoughts with the customer. She might allow
the customers to take a test drive with the car.
One customer who takes a test drive will take the car out into the
country to see how fast it will go. Another
customer will use the car to pick up their kids after school.
When the customers come back and the saleswoman realizes that the test
drive has helped them to overcome their doubts about the car, she will be happy
that they want to buy the car but she will not know where they took the car on
the test drive. But even though she
does not know consciously where the customer took the car on the test drive she
might know at a deep subconscious level where the customer took the car and she
might know what the customer was thinking during the test drive because of the
practical spiritual attachment that she formed with the customer when the
customer walked into the car dealership.
Everyone begins the process of exchanging their subconscious spiritual thoughts and feelings with other people shortly after they are born. Some of the spiritual information (or spiritual energy) that they receive from other people early in life might contain cultural or religious myths that have no basis in fact but they will allow those myths to go deep into their souls. They will allow those myths to go deep into their souls because the myths come into them in a magical way (through the automatic exchange of subconscious spiritual energy with other people through the Collective Subconscious). For this reason, if a vulnerable guy meets a woman who is only merging the practical part of her soul with him, there will be quite a bit going on. The woman who the vulnerable guy meets is also exchanging her spiritual energy through the Collective Subconscious with other people who she knows. A lot of vulnerable guys might have gotten into a pattern where they are interfacing with a woman (who we will call a “primary woman”) who is only merging the practical part of her soul with the vulnerable guy. The primary woman is relaying the spiritual energy that she picks up from the vulnerable guy to other women who she knows (who we will call “secondary women”) through the Collective Subconscious. And the primary woman might also be relaying the spiritual energy of the secondary women who she knows to the vulnerable guy through the Collective Subconscious. The vulnerable guy might be picking up some strong emotional feelings because he can sense that there is a magical exchange of spiritual energy taking place between him and the secondary women. The secondary women are receiving the vulnerable guy’s spiritual energy and the vulnerable guy is receiving their spiritual energy.
The vulnerable guy has only limited exchanges of spiritual energy with other people. For this reason, the vulnerable guy is not usually aware of the exchanges of spiritual energy that go on between him and other people. But when he meets a primary woman such as the one in the example given above, he is able to pick up spiritual energy from her. But he isn’t really impressed by the exchanges of spiritual energy between him and the primary woman because he knows that she treats him in a very superficial sort of a manner (she treats him no differently than she treats most of the other people who she knows). But he does sense that she is serving as a relay point between him and some of the women who the primary woman is acquainted with.
The vulnerable guy (Number 4 below) can sense at a very deep level that there is something magical going on between him and the women who the primary woman is sending his spiritual energy to. He might know these secondary women personally or he might not, but he knows at a very deep subconscious level that it is actually these secondary women who he is exchanging his spiritual energy with.
The problem that the vulnerable guy faces is that even though he is exchanging his spiritual energy with these secondary women, he is not able to develop a relationship with any of the secondary women directly. The vulnerable guy’s relationships with the secondary women are based on the fact that the primary woman is serving as a relay point between him and the secondary women. Because of the fact that the vulnerable guy has never experienced strong exchanges of spiritual energy with other people, these exchanges of spiritual energy seem to be magical to him. Other people can tell that the vulnerable guy is more involved with the secondary women than he is with the primary woman, but they also believe the fantasy that was created by the vulnerable guy's family.
is an old saying that says that you reap what you sow.
But there are a lot of people who don’t like the idea that you have to
work at planting seeds if you want to have a harvest.
A lot of people prefer to reap where they don’t sow.
Most people will believe the fantasy about the vulnerable guy that was created
by his family, but there are some people who can see through the deception.
The people who like to reap where they don’t sow know that the
vulnerable guy does not want to get into another situation where he gets to know
a group of people and the end result is that the primary woman is mad because
she thinks that he has been leading her friends on emotionally and the secondary
women are mad at the vulnerable guy because they feel that he has been leading
them on. The ones who like to reap
where they don’t sow know that the vulnerable guy’s emotions are not strong,
but they also know that he gets very nervous when he feels that he is getting
involved in a situation where a new primary woman is going to relay his emotions
to secondary women who she knows and where the end result is going to be that
everybody will be upset with him.
The people who like to reap where they don’t sow might start a rumor saying that the vulnerable guy wants to get involved with the primary woman. The people who start this type of rumor know that it will make the primary woman angry and it will make the secondary women angry. The vulnerable guy will get nervous when he senses that these people are becoming angry with him.
people who like to reap where they don’t sow (and who take advantage of people
who are vulnerable) can become just as important (or maybe even more important)
to the spiritual and psychological development of the vulnerable guy as the
people who the vulnerable guy actually forms relationships with.
The vulnerable guy might eventually come to an awareness that his
relationships with secondary women are based on his interfacing with a primary
woman who relays his spiritual energy to secondary women who she knows.
But the vulnerable guy also needs to be aware that some of the secondary
women who he meets might also be women who like to reap where they don’t sow.
problem that the vulnerable guy faces when he is dealing with secondary women
who like to reap where they don’t sow is that he can sense at a very deep
level that there is a magical exchange of spiritual energy taking place between
him and these secondary women. He
will sense this exchange of spiritual energy because a primary woman is relaying
spiritual energy between him and the secondary women.
It will be natural for him to think that he should be able to develop
some sort of a positive relationship with them.
a woman she likes to reap where she doesn’t sow (a rough woman) embarrasses
the vulnerable guy in a group situation he might try to make friends with her
hoping that by being nice to her he might be able to prevent her from
embarrassing him in the future. But
he needs to realize that the secondary woman who likes to reap where she
doesn’t sow knows that the vulnerable guy’s relationship with her is based
on a primary woman relaying the vulnerable guy’s spiritual energy to her.
This secondary woman who likes to reap where she doesn’t sow knows that
the vulnerable guy’s family created a fantasy about him that said he was
capable of normal spiritual exchanges with other people.
When he gets to know her she will try to make him feel that the fantasy
that was created by the vulnerable guy’s family was correct and that he really
is capable of normal exchanges of spiritual energy with other people.
She will try to lead him into thinking that she will not want to hurt him
anymore because she and the vulnerable guy are now spiritually connected.
When this rough secondary woman who likes to reap where she doesn’t sow eventually embarrasses the vulnerable guy again in another group situation the vulnerable guy might start to think that there never was a spiritual connection between himself and the secondary woman who likes to reap where she doesn’t sow. The vulnerable guy needs to realize that spiritual connections do exist between him and other people all of the time.
The vulnerable guy might have developed a pattern of trying to be nice to women who were mean to him to try to stop them from hurting him. He might have met several women during his life who pretended that they liked him for a short period of time. These women would gain his confidence by being nice to him for a short period of time and then would once again embarrass him in front of a group of other people. The rough woman knows that the vulnerable guy has spiritual connections with other people but that he is not usually aware of those spiritual connections. By being nice to him for a short period of time she helps him to develop the spiritual links that he has but that are too weak for him to usually be aware of. But then just about the time that the vulnerable guy starts to become aware of his spiritual links the rough woman stops being nice to him. The people who have been observing the situation will ask her why she stopped the relationship that appeared to be developing between the rough woman and the vulnerable guy. The rough woman will at this point create a lie about the vulnerable guy that says that the vulnerable guy was too rough for her. She gets away with this because when she was nice to the vulnerable guy, it made people think that the vulnerable guy must be rough.
Earlier it was mentioned that sometimes a family might give one of the family members a limited role in the family. When they do this they might also try to give other people (including the people in the family's immediate community) the impression that the vulnerable family member was actually given an equal role in the family. At first the family might have trouble convincing people that their fantasy is true.
vulnerable guy will obviously have a lack of spiritual energy and he will have
trouble relating to other people. But early in his life the
vulnerable guy might meet someone in his family’s immediate community who is
similar to the rough woman in our example. She
will act like she is becoming friends with the vulnerable guy but she will just
be setting him up. The people in the
family’s immediate community (including the vulnerable guy’s family members)
will think that she would not like the vulnerable guy unless she thought that he
was rough. When she ends the
relationship with him and people ask her the reason why, she will create a lie that says that he was too rough for her. The
people observing the situation will start to think that the vulnerable guy is
Because of his experience with the rough woman the vulnerable guy might develop a spiritual identity as being a person who is rough. At this point it will become easier for the vulnerable guy’s family to give other people the impression that the vulnerable guy was given an equal role in his family. Now that he has been given a spiritual identity, it will appear to other people that he is living in a real world. The rough woman who took advantage of the vulnerable guy early in his life was not trying to give him a solid platform for developing relationships with other people. And whenever other people kept the vulnerable guy's fantasy spiritual world alive for their own benefit (by perpetuating the lie that was created by the rough woman), they were not trying to give him a solid platform for developing good relationships. The rough woman gave the vulnerable guy a spiritual identity, which was something that he did not have before. After that his family and other people who he met in his life (at school and at work) were able to have practical exchanges of spiritual energy with him based on the spiritual identity that he was given. As he went through his life he brought more and more people into his fantasy spiritual world.
It might be useful for the vulnerable guy to realize that instead of living in one fantasy world, he might actually be living in two or more fantasy worlds. For example, the vulnerable guy's family might have been embarrassed when the rough woman gave the vulnerable guy a spiritual identity as someone who was rough. They might have prided themselves on being fancy people who were better than other people. When they saw that the rough woman was able to get away with telling other people that the vulnerable guy was rough (when he actually was not rough), the vulnerable guy's family decided that they would tell other people that the vulnerable guy, like the other members of the family, was a person who was fancier than other people (when he actually was not fancy). The vulnerable guy now had two false spiritual identities.
The vulnerable guy should become aware that he has a spiritual identity in the spiritual world of the fancy people and that he also has a spiritual identity in the spiritual world of the rough people. This might help him to develop a stronger spiritual structure and to gain a stronger sense of self awareness.
But it is hard for the vulnerable guy to break free of his rough fantasy world. He might not have believed the lie of the rough person who originally gave him his spiritual identity but enough people believed the lie to create a spiritual identify and to create his rough fantasy spiritual world.
It is easy to
understand why the vulnerable guy might detach from his fancy fantasy spiritual
world. As he reaches adulthood it is easy for him to see that he is not
really being accepted by these fancy people. As he makes this realization
he might feel his spiritual energy increase because he is now sending less
spiritual energy out to these fancy people who were not sending very much
spiritual energy back to him in return. But after a while he will start
losing his spiritual energy again and he will not understand what the problem
is. The problem is not that he was wrong for detaching himself from the
fancy people who never really accepted him. The problem is that he did not
finish the job. And the fancy people who were watching the vulnerable guy
detach from them know that the vulnerable guy did not really finish the job.
The fancy people know that the vulnerable guy is a member of their spiritual
world and also a member of the spiritual world of the rough people. They
can make the vulnerable guy nervous by making a comment about how rough the
vulnerable guy is. He gets nervous because he knows that he is not rough
and he does not know how to prove that he is not rough.
When he was younger the vulnerable guy never thought that he needed to detach himself from rough people because he did not believe that he was rough. But a fantasy spiritual world had been created for him by the rough people. Because of this fact he has to figure out how to detach himself from that spiritual world. He needs to do this to develop a stronger spiritual structure and to develop a stronger sense of self awareness. The vulnerable guy is not really a rough person and living in a fantasy spiritual world that was based on the premise that he is rough is a major conflict for him. But once he realizes that the people who gave him his rough spiritual identity told a lie to create his fantasy spiritual world, he might be able to start gaining the insights that he needs in order to break free from the fantasy spiritual world that was created by the rough people.
As mentioned earlier the vulnerable guy was also given a spiritual identity as someone who likes to make other people feel guilty. This false spiritual identity led to the creation of a guilty fantasy spiritual world that is similar in some ways to the rough fantasy spiritual world that the vulnerable guy is living in. It is hard for the vulnerable guy to gain an awareness that he is living in these two spiritual worlds because they were created for him by lies that were told by other people.
When he was younger the vulnerable guy never thought that he needed to detach himself from guilty-type people because he did not believe that he was guilty. But a guilty fantasy spiritual world had been created for him by a guilty-type person. The guilty fantasy spiritual world that was created for him was based on the false premise that he enjoyed making other people feel guilty. Because of what happened he now has to figure out how to detach himself from that guilty fantasy spiritual world. He might not have believed the lie of the guilty-type person who originally gave him this spiritual identity but enough people believed the lie to create the spiritual identity and to create his guilty fantasy spiritual world.
One of the challenges that the vulnerable guy faces is that people from both the fancy fantasy spiritual world and the rough fantasy spiritual world know that they can make him nervous by making a comment implying they think that the vulnerable guy has a lot of guilt. This makes the vulnerable guy nervous in a manner similar to the way that he gets nervous when people make a statement implying that he is rough. The vulnerable guy knows that he does not have a lot of guilt but he does not know how to prove it. But once he realizes that a guilty fantasy spiritual world was created for him when a guilty-type person told a lie about him, he will understand why people can make him feel guilty anytime they want to. The only way for the vulnerable guy to get people to stop sending him on guilt trips is to start detaching himself from his guilty fantasy spiritual world.
The vulnerable guy might be confused
because the fancy people, the rough people, and the guilty-type people don't
seem to worry too much when they see him trying to detach himself from
them. They know that he is thinking that he only needs to detach from one
spiritual world. But once he starts trying to detach from all three of the
fantasy spiritual worlds that he is a part of, he will probably start to run
into more resistance. At that point the fancy people, the rough people,
and the guilty-type people will realize that the vulnerable guy might actually
have a chance to detach himself from his three fantasy spiritual worlds.
And in detaching from these three fantasy spiritual worlds that drain off a lot
of his spiritual energy he might be able to start developing a stronger
spiritual structure and a stronger sense of self awareness.
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Copyright Don Bergquist 2012