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dog haiku

so you want to own a dog?  this pretty much depicts life in the hwang house. [author(s) unknown]

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts - I celebrate
By kissing your face.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
The fleas in my fur.

I have lots of fur.
Twice a year, I shed the stuff
All over your floor.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.

I sound the alarm!
Paperboy -- come to kill us all --
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man -- come to kill us all --
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend -- come to kill us all --
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Meter reader -- come to kill us all --
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat -- come to kill all --
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

Warning! Get up, Man!
I'm sure I heard a robber.
Or maybe nothing.

I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot --
Sniff this and weep.

Let's go for a "walk":
You stand there freezing your butt
While I sniff some bush. 

I Hate my choke chain --
Look, world, they strangle me!
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

I hate my choke chain -
Look, world, look! They strangle me!
My masters are cruel.

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot -- no greater bliss --
Well, maybe catching cats.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.

The cat is not all
Bad -- she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls.

Dig under fence -- why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

Dig under fence-why?
I dig because it is there
And I must be free.

You may call them fleas,
But they are far more -- I call
Them a vocation.

My owners' mood is
Romantic - I lie near their
Feet.  I blow a big one.

I chase the quick fox.
Come back, you lousy varmint!
Oh, it's just my tail.

Oh, the nifty smell.
I could chew this all day long.
Huh? What are "good shoes"?

Behold! my cold nose.
I think I'll shove it right here.
Gosh, you sure jump high.

Why do you shake hands?
If you want to greet someone,
'Gotta smell their butt.

Eat, sleep, play, poop, drool.
A dog's work is never done.
Eat, sleep, play, poop, drool.

That steak sure smells good.
I only want a little.
Look! I've learned to "Sit!"

Drank so much water
That I had to urinate.
Now, I want some more.

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.


Oh! Your boss is here!
My wagging tail spills his drink.
Then I hump his leg.


 

Last updated on November 01, 2011

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