THINGS THAT MAKE ME GO “THUMP” IN MY HEART
by Susan Mason
As our relationship was ending, I thought things would get easier.
First there was the pain of laying beside you
Unable to want or need you as I had before.
The emptiness I felt was an indescribable agony,
Far more complicated than anything I’d ever imagined.
Then, you are gone and the solitude I thought I’d longed for
Taunts me as I learn all over again how to sleep alone in the king-sized bed
That for nearly two years was Ours.
Waiting dinner (because I dislike eating alone) is now a lonely, endless
Endeavor and I prefer not to eat at all because I can almost hear an
As the food falls into my empty stomach.
Bite after bite, the void remains.
I begin to recoup
And being among people is getting easier--except when I have to explain
“Where He is.”
Some people tell me how sorry they are.
Others say they never liked you anyway
And a few are brazen enough to ignore my pain in favor of their egos and say,
“I told you so.”
Sometimes I laugh, make jokes--even agree.
Always, the remarks (even the kindest ones) sting and there’s still a place Inside where I ache.
Now you’ve moved far away.
Out of sight, but on my mind.
Words of love, promises of support and bang! You’re gone.
Looking at photos from a party I see your image on “genuine Kodak paper,”
Standing beside me, touching me, marrying me--
First with your wandering eyes. Finally with your wandering...
Once again I am consumed by pain from a love and a longing
that seemed so real
But in all honesty, it was probably just a thing that made me go
“THUMP!” in my heart.