THINGS THAT MAKE ME GO “THUMP” IN MY HEART

by Susan Mason

As our relationship was ending, I thought things would get easier.

First there was the pain of laying beside you

Unable to want or need you as I had before.

The emptiness I felt was an indescribable agony,

Far more complicated than anything I’d ever imagined.

Then, you are gone and the solitude I thought I’d longed for

Taunts me as I learn all over again how to sleep alone in the king-sized bed

That for nearly two years was Ours.

Waiting dinner (because I dislike eating alone) is now a lonely, endless

Endeavor and I prefer not to eat at all because I can almost hear an

Echo

As the food falls into my empty stomach.

Bite after bite, the void remains.

I begin to recoup

And being among people is getting easier--except when I have to explain

“Where He is.”

Some people tell me how sorry they are.

Others say they never liked you anyway

And a few are brazen enough to ignore my pain in favor of their egos and say,

“I told you so.”

Sometimes I laugh, make jokes--even agree.

Sometimes.

Always, the remarks (even the kindest ones) sting and there’s still a place Inside where I ache.

Now you’ve moved far away.

Out of sight, but on my mind.

Words of love, promises of support and bang! You’re gone.

Looking at photos from a party I see your image on “genuine Kodak paper,”

Standing beside me, touching me, marrying me--

Deserting me:

First with your wandering eyes. Finally with your wandering...

Hands

Once again I am consumed by pain from a love and a longing

that seemed so real

But in all honesty, it was probably just a thing that made me go

“THUMP!” in my heart.