Finding Meaning & Happiness

I am not being successful at finding meaning and happiness in my life again.

My daughter has been gone for a month and a week now, and I still have multiple crying spells during the day. I'm semi-ok, then something reminds me of her in the past, here, and I lose it.

My wife would do anything within her power to make me happy, but that does not seem to be within her power. It is frustrating to her but I am not good at faking how I feel.

Sometimes I think it would be better if I were just gone from this planet. I wouldn't bother my daughter anymore, and my wife, while she would be hurt, at least she could start healing instead of being constantly bothered by my state.