Yesterday I had to give my daughter the most difficult advice I have ever given anyone.
You see, she said to me, there is a boy I love in Utah. He is coming from Utah to take me back. I can't make up my mind if I should go or not. Should I go?
I told her that I loved her and I would miss her very much and I would worry every minute but I wanted her to be happy. And I told her if she loved him and he loves her then there is no way that she could be happy apart.
She says Oh! My brains gonna explode! I don't know what to do.
I told her this is a decision that won't be made by your brain but by your heart. Of coarse I asked a lot of questions I wanted to know she'd be safe and happy, but in the end, fully knowing where her heart was, I told her she had to follow her heart.
Today he came, John Anderson, a handsome young man her age, very neat and proper.
I asked him straight away, "Do you love my daughter?". "Yes Sir" was his reply. I asked again, "Are you absolutely positively sure you love my daughter?", "Yes sir, I am sure."
I said to him, "You are taking away from me the most precious thing in my life.", He said, "I know". And with that he reached out and gave me a great big hug and I cried.
Then after I regained my composure a little tiny bit, I took photographs of them. My daughter, Christie, was smileing like I hadn't seen her smile in years, I mean beaming ear to ear.
She will be 900 miles away in a few hours. She has taken a piece of my heart with her and left a hole the size of Texas. I do not know how I am going to go on, how I can find meaning in my life again, and if I will ever again feel joy.
I know each day will be difficult, because up until now, whenever everything else in my life was shit, I knew I'd see her and I'd be happy she was here. Now I no longer have that and I don't know how I am going to survive the days that are shit.
But I want, more than anything, for her to be happy. And I know for now at least she is. She's got a shot at the kind of life I always wanted her to have, and I should be very glad for that. But I am hurting so damned much right now.