My fun on Monday  (or fun with computer sales people)
Start off the morning by reading my paper and then turn my computer on.
I bring up pcplus and try dialing into to my Netcom account.  Computer
responds, "No dialtone".  Check the phone and, yup, there is a dialtone.
Spend about 30 minutes trying to figure out what's wrong [it worked last
night] (lines work, try my old 2400 modem card and it works, so my 14.4 
modem card must be dead).  Great.  I get the fun of trying to find a modem 
for my old computer - it's a 286, but it's all I need (I only use it to 
dial into my shell accounts and Tetris - I hate Windows).  About 10:30 I 
mention to my co-workers that I'm off to Microcenter to find a modem.  One 
of my co-workers decides that we need a field trip and the 4 of us head 
off to lunch and the new Fryers Electronics at 11:30 (my manager had to do
something first).  The real fun began at Fryers.  I locate their huge
computer area and start going up and down aisles trying to find their
modem section.  After about the 5th aisle, a salesman spots me and
(mistakenly) asks if he can help me.  I respond, "Am I getting close to
the modems yet?"  He takes me over two more aisles where there is a long
aisle full of modems.  "Great," I say, "I need a new modem for my
computer.  One thing, though, it needs to be able to work on a 286."  He
looks at me like I've got to be kidding and then proceeds to try to help
me find one.  He picks one out and gives me the sales pitch of this is on
sale and should work, but he needs to talk to someone else to make sure
it would work on a 286.  Off he trots.  I stand and read the box.  Right
on the back it says it requires a 386, 486, or Pentium.  He comes back and
I immediately point out that the box says the computer needs to be a 386
or better.  He says not to worry about that and it would work but, however 
it doesn't have jumpers so it won't work.  Then he starts getting technical
and talking about jumpers and ports and throwing in some numbers here and
there and my eyes start glazing over - I'm a programmer, I don't care
technically about hardware.  He concludes that he doesn't think they having
anything I can use as the store only keeps current stuff and that his 
co-worker is looking into it and that person will help me in a little bit.  
He then happily scurries off, probably vowing not to return to that aisle.  
So I stand there.  And stand there.  And walk up and down the aisle looking
at the boxes.  And stand there.  Around the corner comes another
salesman (not the one who the other had talked to).  He foolishly asks me
if he can help me.  I grin and say, "Well, someone was supposed to come
back and help me, but hasn't.  I need a new modem that will work in my
286."  He actually says, "What???  A 286???"  I say, "Yup."  He spends a
couple of minutes in disbelief and I give a brief explanation that the
286 satisfies my needs just fine.  He trots off and talks to the same guy
the other salesman had and comes back after a few minutes.  He says that
they don't have anything for me (talking about jumpers again) and that my 
best bet is to call one of the modem makers directly and order it from
them.  I'm think, "Yeah, right.  I'm going to wait a few weeks to get a
working modem."  I say, "I'll just try a used store then."  He says okay
and shakes his head walking away.  Mission failed.  [I decided to go buy
some music so that the trip isn't a total waste.  I get to the music
department and am snubbed again - they only have CDs, no cassettes.]  My
co-workers bought a ton of stuff and I, who was the whole purpose for
going there, end up with nothing.  I drop two off back at work and a
co-worker and I head off to a used/new/repair computer shop that she knows
of.  We walk in and I tell the salesman what I need.  He's looks at me in
disbelief.  He asks what speed.  I say "14.4" since that is what I was 
using and figuring that anything faster won't work on my machine based on 
my experience at Fryers (they only had 36.6 and 56.6 modems).  He asks
what I use it for.  I respond, "To dial into the Internet."  He responds,
"Oh, I don't think they even allow you access with that old equipment
anymore."  I look at him with disbelief and knowing he doesn't know what
he's talking about.  I respond that they do and that I only use it to dial
into a shell account with no graphics.  I could tell that it went over his
head.  He said, "Let me see what I can do" and went into the back.  He
came back out and said that he had two that may work and that I'll need to
bring in the box to try it out.  I said, "I need to bring it in?"  Him:
"Yes."  Me: "Why?  Don't I just stick in the card?  That's what I did
before."  Him: "I need to make sure the ???[port/com/something] fits?"
Great.  So I drop off my co-worker and head home to get my computer.  I
returned to the store and no one is visible.  I put my computer on the
table and stand there.  And stand there.  Someone in the back room notices
me standing there and comes out.  The first time all day (my co-workers
excluded) I get to talk with someone who had a clue.  He asks if he can
help me.  I tell him that I was by about 30 minutes earlier and that I
need a modem for my 286.  He says okay without giving me a strange look 
and starts taking down my name, address, and phone number.  He talks a 
little more and I find out that they have a 36.6 with jumpers that they 
can put in my computer (I also got the impression from him that I didn't
need to bring the box in).  With his pointing his finger at the picture 
on the box, I now have a slight idea of what a jumper is.  He did add at 
the end, "Do you need anything else, like a Pentium?"

Based on the great looks I got today, if you ever want some fun, go to a
computer store and tell them you need something for a 286.