Ode to Mel
![[The Evil One's visage]](mel.gif)
A limerick by Michael "The Admiral" Zecca
There was a companion named Mel
Who rules o'er my personal Hell,
With screaming so fierce
My eardrums do pierce
And turn into a liquified gel.
![[Admiral Baker]](jrdoctor.gif)
Yes, folks, I was a Colin Baker fan even in my high school days.
"Grandfather!" cried Susan.
"What is it Susan?" said the Doctor.
"Oh, it's terrible, terrible!"
"What could be so awful?" wondered Barbara.
"You didn't go near the men's shower room, did you, Susan?" Ian asked, his life passing before his eyes.
"Well, I didn't mean to... I just went in the wrong door, that's all!" she exclaimed, exploding into tears again.
"What do you mean, Ian?" Barbara asked.
"Yes, Chesterton," the Doctor grumbled. "What are you insinuating, young man?"
Just then, Dave Yadallee walked into the control room clothed only in a towel. Susan screamed and buried herself in Barbara's shoulder.
There was a companion named Mel
Who rules o'er my personal Hell,
With screaming so fierce
My eardrums do pierce
And turn into a liquified gel.
Ninth Doctor, accent:
"Lots of planets have a North."
He is fantastic.
Surely it's Susan,
but must you act like a teen
when you are fifty?
Ian Chesterton,
Science teacher time travels.
Will I become you?
Miss Barbara Wright,
why didn't my history
teachers scream like you?
Vicki
Haiku
Coming eventually!
Steven Taylor
Haiku
Coming eventually!
Katarina, you
were only in two stories
I have never seen.
So, Sara Kingdom...
First you killed your brother, and
Then you bit it too.
Dorothy Chaplet
Where did you ever get a
nickname like Dodo?
Ben Jackson, sailor.
He's no Gilligan, Popeye.
Skipper's a Time Lord.
She makes the coffee.
Polly rides in the TARDIS.
She wants no crackers.
Jamie McCrimmon,
every fan wants to know
what's under the kilt?
Oh, Victoria,
your screaming is fierce, but not
all shrieky like Mel's.
Zoe Herriot
Photographic memory
Brains and a catsuit?
Alistair Gordon,
Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart.
Shoot first, questions next.
Sergeant John Benton
Why aren't the people in charge
of the army like you?
Elizabeth Shaw
For once a real scientist!
Dip in the ratings?
Captain Mike Yates
Haiku
Coming eventually!
A dippy hippy
the Master can't hypnotize?
That's Josephine Grant.
Now Sarah Jane Smith
started off quite feminist
but reduced to screams.
Jeremy, you git.
The space sponges have you right
where they want you, twit.
Harry Sullivan,
a charming imbecile doctor.
"Steady on, old girl."
Leela's leather skirt
conceals knives and Janis Thorns,
but very little else!
K-9, robot dog
Without all the nasty habits.
A Time Lord's best friend.
Alas, poor Adric.
His math skill did not prevent
him from going splat.
Nyssa, I'm glad I
don't have sick and morally
wrong thoughts about you.
Tegan Jovanka
You don't know when to shut up.
You get on my nerves.
Turlough
Haiku
Coming eventually!
Kamelion, you
were less fully functional
than even K-9.
Perpugilliam.
Peri, Miss Brown of the Norgs.
Not American.
Perpugilliam.
You don't even know what a
peri is, do you?
Erimem
Haiku
coming eventually.
Frobisher
Haiku
coming eventually.
![[Evil from the dawn of time]](../icons/mel1.jpg){kind=icon}
Melanie's evil
spread throughout the Universe
by her piercing screams.
Piss off, Melanie.
For I would sleep with Davros
than spend time with you.
Evil incarnate
has travelled with two Doctors.
Code name: Melanie
Melanie, redeemed:
"The One Doctor", other tales.
Thank you, Big Finish!
Evelyn Smythe
Haiku
coming eventually.
Dorothy McShane,
Wicked explosives chemist
and Ace up the sleeve.
Bernice Summerfield
Watch the booze, or you'll wake up
in bed with Londo.
Chris Cwej
Haiku
coming eventually.
Roz Forrester
Haiku
coming eventually.
Hex
Haiku
coming eventually.
Grace Holloway:
Forgettable companion
From the Fox pilot.
Sam of the Beeb books,
I never quite understood
What purpose you served.
Fitz Kreiner
Haiku
coming eventually.
Compassion
Haiku
coming eventually.
Anji Kapoor
Haiku
coming eventually.
Trix is the new girl.
Silly companion! Trix aren't
For the Eighth Doctor!
Charley
Haiku
coming eventually.
C'Rizz
Haiku
coming eventually.
Any other Rose
Couldn't pay the Piper with
Lo'ery money.
Davros, cool at first,
was lame the next four times out.
Why was he revived?
I am the Master
and you all will obey me.
You will obey me.
Morgus, Sharaz Jek,
was a really evil bastard.
Leather's not enough.
Androgums like you,
Shockeye o' the Quancing Grig,
have excellent taste.
Be seeing you!