Star Trek: The Crouton Generation
The Beginning
A summary of the original mail messages which led to the creation of
Star Trek: The Crouton Generation, as compiled by Eric
Moore (eric@greeley.sykes.com).
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (25 Jan 1990 19:56:03)
Subject: Philosophy and Statistical Mechanics
If an infinite number of Chris Platts worked on an infinite number of
wordprocessors for an infinite amount of time, what are the chances that
one of them would create a sentence without any spelling errors?
-=- Inquiring Croutons Want to Know -=-
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: zecca (25 Jan 1990 20:04:26)
Subject: Re: Philosophy and Statistical Mechanics
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (ERIC MOORE)
To: "gaz@tramp"@spot
Subject: Philosophy and Statistical Mechanics
> If an infinite number of Chris Platts worked on an infinite number of
> wordprocessors for an infinite amount of time, what are the chances that
> one of them would create a sentence without any spelling errors?
> -=- Inquiring Croutons Want to Know -=-
Answer: Infinitely higher than for a finite number of Chris Hassells.
(Remember, Chris, hasselltalk does not count as real English
for the purpose of this joke.)
-=- Bo knows Croutons -=-
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (25 Jan 1990 20:08:28)
Subject: -=- The Crouton Man -=-
Bo may know croutons, but does he know Chris?
-=- The Campus Crusade for Croutons -=-
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hassell@tramp (25 Jan 1990 21:16:05)
Subject: Re: Philosophy and Statistical Mechanics
You...sir.... are not a crouton.
A crouton is a very little stale piece of salted and oiled bread.
Unless there is some way this universe can produce such a little piece of bread
which also happens to be able to type H> ### { uunet!rutgers!sunybcs , ncar , nbires } !boulder!tramp!hassell
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hassell (25 Jan 1990 21:26:15)
Subject: Re: Philosophy and Statistical Mechanics
++ From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
++ To: gaz@tramp
++ Subject: Re: Philosophy and Statistical Mechanics
++
++ > From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (ERIC MOORE)
++ > To: "gaz@tramp"@spot
++ > Subject: Philosophy and Statistical Mechanics
++
++ > If an infinite number of Chris Platts worked on an infinite number of
++ > wordprocessors for an infinite amount of time, what are the chances that
++ > one of them would create a sentence without any spelling errors?
Basically and completely... after careful consideration... I've come to
conclude... that this number is precisely and affirmatively equal to...
the number of bohemian dolphins who floss with bubble-gum flavored licorice.
But that's only after careful modeling... and consideration... and possibly
also alot of drugs.
++
++ > -=- Inquiring Croutons Want to Know -=-
I still say you are not a crouton. Chris Platt is CroutonS... full of them...
mentally and emotionally ... but otherwise... he still doesn't approximate a
cubicle piece of stale bread... except... hmmm.. maybe a long and skinny one?
Oh well.
++ Answer: Infinitely higher than for a finite number of Chris Hassells.
++ (Remember, Chris, hasselltalk does not count as real English
++ for the purpose of this joke.)
Therefore... upon Hasselltalk using language my,.. speech always perfect I
have.....in cause being I sucker made the. PhrasingCreative WordsFormed
STrangely AsWell TooDone, YesAsk?
Spellking kan bee kreaytiv tuu. Y'know mon? So... opstay opyingcay aheemay
anguagelay..... Or Else.
++
++ -=- Bo knows Croutons -=-
++
How intimately?
--- Inquiring Neurons Type Untill They are Gratified By Extreme Amounts
of No Sleep... but not much until.
Make sense? Shucks. I thought it wouldn't.
### C>H> ### { uunet!rutgers!sunybcs , ncar , nbires } !boulder!tramp!hassell
till some time actually long gone.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hassell@tramp (25 Jan 1990 21:31:04)
Subject: Re: -=- The Crouton Man -=-
Does He Know The Truth? How is he on salad dressing? Let's not get all
excited ("What's all this then, in background") and make food jokes for
whoo knows how long or short or word association.
-=- The Crouton's Crusade for A Campus -=-
-=- The Crayon's Crusade for A Crazy -=-
-=- The Craving's Crusade for A Candybar -=-
more later...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: platt (25 Jan 1990 22:26:33)
Subject: Re: .login...
it'll be back soon.
I HATE ISN!!!!!!!!
i call DCA at 24472530 to go into cubldr, and cudnvr.. but now i have to
go to isn to get to tramp,( unless i am on the workstations) and
isn keeps "hanging", ie. i type and it can be up to a minute before the
damn character comes back to my screen.... very very annoying... i cannot
go on typeing like this,,, i make enough errors with out this problem...
ARGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!
I HATE ISN!!!!!!!!!
and going thru to TCP doesnt help, becuase ISN still hangs me... i cannot
go direct from dca to tcp.
I HATE ISN!!!!!!!
i think i shall make this a post to all...
the topic at the top is about the fortune cooky command, which was was
not brought back up when tramp came back up. according to Miss Davis,
they may have set the protection wrong on it, and she would see what
was wrong, and fix it... if there are any other system commands that
are not working yet, let her know, and they will be checked into.
the onle and only
-=- The Crouton Man -=-
ps. the question is, does Chris, or Croutons know Bo?
-=- The Crouton Man -=-
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (26 Jan 1990 09:21:54)
Subject: -=- Going Croutons -=-
Okay! Okay! Okay! So I'm not a crouton (Sheesh!) Do you have to join a
local chapter and pay a membership in order to become -=- A card-carrying
crouton-=- ? Or is it some dirty trick that Nature plays on you? Or is it
the result of too much fizzix combined with sleep deprivation and severe mal-
nutrition, producing a synergistic effect? I may not fit any of these cat-
egories, but I'd say that after two years of analyzing Chris' less than sane
behavior that I have the right (if I should choose to do so) to declare myself:
-=- A Self-made Crouton -=-.
(And you'd better not go telling me that I have to go to school and get a degreeto become -=- A Crouton Man -=- either.)
Remember what Patrick Henry said:
"Give me -=- Croutons -=-, or give me death!"
later.
ESM
-=- A Crouton-Man-Wanna-Be -=-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (26 Jan 1990 09:38:22)
Subject: -=- Croutons -=-
I thought I might seize upon this opportunity to send you all a special
edition of:
-=- Croutons in Quotes -=-
"Friends, countrymen, Romans, lend me your Croutons."
-=- William Shakespeare -=-
"I've never met a crouton I didn't like."
-=- Will Rogers -=-
"God doesn't play croutons with the universe."
-=- Albert Einstein -=-
"Frankly my dear, I don't give a crouton!"
-=- Margaret Mitchell -=-
"Once, a long time ago, in a Crouton far, far away..."
-=- George Lucas -=-
"Quaker Croutons. It's the right thing to do and a tasty way to do it."
-=- Wilford Brimley -=-
-=- The American Crouton Association -=-
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: platt (26 Jan 1990 12:32:14)
Subject: Croutons again.
I AM -=- The Crouton Man -=-
My name carries the same weight as:
Farah's "Highlander"
or
Ken Stern's "The Imperial Blizzard"
Eric, u might be a little crazy, but I am Croutons!
I am flattered, however by all the "Wanna b's" out there... but
there is only one "Crouton Man"!
Later CLP.
The Crouton Man
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: zecca (26 Jan 1990 14:39:45)
Subject: Re: Croutons again
>From platt Fri Jan 26 12:32:23 1990
From: platt (The Crouton Man)
Subject: Croutons again.
> I AM -=- The Crouton Man -=-
> My name carries the same weight as:
> Farah's "Highlander"
> or
> Ken Stern's "The Imperial Blizzard"
> Eric, u might be a little crazy, but I am Croutons!
> I am flattered, however by all the "Wanna b's" out there... but
> there is only one "Crouton Man"!
> Later CLP.
> The Crouton Man
But does "The Crouton Man" or "Highlander" or "The Imperial Blizzard"
carry as much weight as "Mad Bob the Avenger"? I don't think so.
-=- Mad Bob the Avenger -=-
-=- Campus Crusade for Roddenberryiology -=-
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: stern (26 Jan 1990 14:41:49)
Subject: Re: Croutons again
I'm on a diet so I hope I don't carry all that much weight around. :-)
The Imperial Blizzard
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: platt (26 Jan 1990 15:23:38)
Subject: Re: Croutons again
sorry mike, i forgot:
Mike Zecca "Mad Bob the Avenger" ... home of the the campain to get the
ferengi (Lamoreux_J spelling) chairs, the "Bo knows" campaign, and
The Campus Crusade for Roddemberryiology, as well as being the manager
of the London Kings Ball club.
later CLP.
The Crouton Man.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hassell (26 Jan 1990 16:03:04)
Subject: Re: Croutons again
I dunno... there are so many more words... ya know... Let's see.
... .... < thud..shhhht >
here's a word-scale... let's see how it measures out, I'll just push the
"weigh" button and... :
Hmm..... almost the same reaction as with ZortylWankoid... but not quite so
violent... hmmm. I'll have to get a grant for this.
- An Aspiring Attacker on Adages of Acquired Aptitude
- Zortyl Wankoid
### C>H> ### { uunet!rutgers!sunybcs , ncar , nbires } !boulder!tramp!hassell
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hassell@tramp (26 Jan 1990 16:26:33)
Subject: Re: -=- Going Croutons -=-
I still say that Going Bacos is a much better and more fulfilling experience.
Either that or making your eyeballs Pop-Tart. But that's a little more painful.
(unless you drink about half a gallon of milk a day... like I did heheeheehe)
Of course.....
then you just explode. But they'll never prove it.
"The Government Says its Safe... "
- Heard from Three-Mile-Island Designer
"[Another Very Witty Fabricated Quote]"
- Someone I've never read things about before
The end.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: farah (26 Jan 1990 16:33:57)
Subject: Re: Croutons again
I, HIGHLANDER, DO ATEST THAT ALL OUR NAMES MUST CARRY THE SAME WEIGHT
AND IF THIS IS NOT TRUE......THE *MY* NAME CARRIES THE MOST!!!!!
by name I am refering to alias's one must be known by an alias before
one's name can have a "weight"....hehehehehheeh
have a good week end everyone!!
/| Highlander
||_________________________________________________________
OXOXOXOXOXOXO >_________________________________________________________>
||
\| "...feel the quickening..."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hassell@tramp (26 Jan 1990 16:36:01)
Subject: Re: -=- Croutons -=-
>> From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (The Crouton Man)
>> To: "gaz@tramp"@spot
>> Subject: -=- Croutons -=-
>> Status: RO
>>
>> I thought I might seize upon this opportunity to send you all a special
>> edition of:
>>
>> -=- Croutons in Quotes -=-
Also Known as : Salad Fettishes... the History of Shame!!!!
>> "Friends, countrymen, Romans, lend me your Croutons."
>>
>> -=- William Shakespeare -=-
>> "I've never met a crouton I didn't like."
Well I've never met one... nyahhh nyahhh. I don't converse with most of my
dinner food... just the squash... since its experience in being pummeled and
turned and generally induced into such an unnatural state that it almost
approxmiates how I feel when I get up in the morning. I talk with it also
because I personally cannot stand the stuff.
>>
>> -=- Will Rogers -=-
>>
>>
>> "God doesn't play croutons with the universe."
He did use alot of Bacos though and maybe some sunflower seeds... but that's only speculation.
>> -=- Albert Einstein -=-
>>
>> "Frankly my dear, I don't give a crouton!"
What a cheapskate.
>> -=- Margaret Mitchell -=-
>>
>> "Once, a long time ago, in a Crouton far, far away..."
That must be a pretty dang big crouton. Just like the ones God doesn't play on
the Universe, I spose.
>> -=- George Lucas -=-
>>
>> "Quaker Croutons. It's the right thing to do and a tasty way to do it."
Do what? Maybe Wilford Brimly ought to stop being some sort of pervert with
his food and get a tan.
>> -=- Wilford Brimley -=-
>>
>>
>> -=- The American Crouton Association -=-
>>
Now there's a respectible society.... :
CROUTONS UNITE... WE SHALL OVERCOME ALL ANTI-CROUTON ACTIVITES AND MAKE
THE WORLD SAFE FOR CROUTONOCRACY.
Definately a Food Fettish starting in this group.
Anyone who has not known that they were kept on Junkmail... or who specifically
did not realize that drivel like this is coming in your mail box ... if that
is the case then ignore this part of this message.
Ta.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hassell (26 Jan 16:40:52)
Subject: Re: Croutons again.
Maybe you can start a religion and be the
The Grand Crouton .... or Baghwan Croutoneeshee.
You may be the orginal Crouton... but Croutonism is spreading rapidly and
the world will know the power of the Almighty and Perfect Crouton... and his
lesser gods of the Dressings and Vegetables.
I hear they live in one large bowl... on Mount GoodSeasons.
Anyone else hear about this?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hassell (26 Jan 1990 16:42:41)
Subject: Re: Croutons again
Why should your name be more weighty? Is is unduly obese or something?
Anatomical Etymologist: Z.W.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: stern@tramp (26 Jan 1990 18:22:38)
Subject: Re: -=- Croutons -=-
I've never had a conversation with my croutons before..... I ave (shit, a system shut down message, now where was I?) I have however,
had a long conversation with my Rice Krispies. They're a most talkative bunch
they are. Really.
The Imperial Blizzard
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hassell (29 Jan 1990 11:35:42)
Subject: Re: Croutons again
Oh... I almost forgot
I prefer :
-=- The Greasy-Little-Lumps-Of-Stale-Post-Moldy-Bread-With-Flavorings-To
-Make-Them-Edible-With-Lots-Of-Dressing-Too Man -=-
But I suppose its a matter of opinion?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: atkinson (29 Jan 1990 15:28:32)
Subject: aliases...
I am ashamed at all of you physics majors, Zecca. Everyone knows that an
alias is properly measured by its mass and not wgt.
It is also common knowledge that the mass of an alias is directly proportional
to the number of letters in it. This means that the alias "The lightly-toasted-
little-cubed-..." has the most mass.
===========================================================================
= >--> (#$!@!) === The Green =
= . >--> >--> ' === Archer =
= O |\ >--> >--> O === strikes =
= -|--| ) >--> --|-- === again! =
= / \ `' / \ === =
=========================================================== atkinson@tramp=
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: platt (30 Jan 1990 18:43:24)
Subject: -=- The Crouton Lady -=-
I, -=- The Crouton Man -=- am proud to announce who is now the
offical -=- Crouton Lady -=-....
and the winner is...
Connie Flieder.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: platt
Subject: the crouton lady
@From: CUDNVR::CFLIEDER
@Subj: RE: Croutons...
@
@I would be honored to assume the -=-Crouton Lady-=- alias....I've never
@thought of myself as being a crouton, but then....why not???
Later TCM.
-=- The Crouton Man -=-
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (30 Jan 1990 22:04:48)
Subject: RE: -=- The Crouton Lady -=-
Who knows what next? Perhaps -=- Little Baby Bouncing Croutons -=-?
Later ESM
-=- Your Crouton Groupy -=-
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hassell (30 Jan 1990 22:37:48)
Subject: Re: -=- The Crouton Lady -=-
Platt... I still say that you will become Bagwan Croutonee or the
Great Crouton or something silly over time. You should look for some investors
cults are a big business these days... and they`re easy to finance after they
start.
Neat huh?
|Ta|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: zecca (30 Jan 1990 23:44:09)
Subject: Croutons Live in Concert
The following is a total paraphrase of the Monty Python song "Finland"
and the narration that follows.
--------------------------------------------
(To the tune of Monty Python's "Finland":)
Croutons, Croutons, Croutons
The loginname that I want to be
On the VAX or in UNIX
Or in C-One-Nineteen.
Croutons, Croutons, Croutons
Crouton munchies for me.
They're so fried by S-Lab,
So mushed by Latin,
Arranged by the million,
Miles and miles end to end.
Croutons, Croutons, Croutons
That's exactly what I want to eat.
Yes, at breakfast or dinner
Or for snack lunch in the hall.
Croutons, Croutons, Croutons
Croutons have it all.
Scattered or deflected,
All over the board.
They move on to mailing
The Zortyl Wankoid.
Croutons, Croutons, Croutons
The munchies that I quite want to be.
With crunches so softly
You can hear a pin fall.
Croutons, Croutons, Croutons
Croutons have it all.
>--> All together, junk-mailers!
Croutons, Croutons, Croutons
The munchies that I quite want to be.
With crunches so softly
You can hear a pin fall.
Croutons, Croutons, Croutons
Croutons have it all.
Croutons have it all.
-----------------------------------------
If you've enjoyed hearing this song, or would like to know more about
Croutons, why not e-mail Chris "The Crouton Man" Platt, platt@tramp or
CUBLDR::PLATT_C. He or Connie "The Crouton Lady" Flieder would be glad
to answer any of your questions about Croutons and, who knows?, may show
you some of their unrivalled collection of half-eaten chef salads.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: zecca (4 Feb 1990 02:17:02)
Subject: STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship
Croutonprize. Its four-year mission, to explore strange new parts of
Duane Physics, to seek out new Croutons and new Junk Mailees, to boldly
crouton where no one has croutoned before...
USS Croutonprize, NCC(New Crunchy Crouton)-1741-C (for Crouton)
Starring
Chris Platt as Captain Chris Crouton
Mike Atkinson as Number One
[ Leo McKern as Number Two ]
[ Patrick McGoohan as Number Six ]
Connie Flieder as Dr. Flieder, Ship's Surgeon
[ "Damn it, Chris! I'm a doctor, not a Junk Mailer!" ]
Lt. Cdr. Eric Moore Second Officer and Chief Crouton Wanna-Be
Lt. Melissa Midzor Chief Engineer
Lt. Highlander Security Chief (1/2 immortal, 1/2 human)
Lt. Zortyl Wankoid Ship's Computer Officer (from planet Yoyoboq)
[ Wankoid can communicate fluently with every computer in ]
[ the known Universe except Zen -- the ship's computer. ]
Lt. Soraya Ghiasi Science officer
Lt. JG Ken "TIB" Stern Transporter Chief
Lt. JG Mordred Lotson Incidental Officer #1 (red shirt)
Lt. JG Spivey Incidental Officer #2 (blue shirt)
Ensign Elliott Incidental Officer #3 (red shirt)
Ensign Taubman Incidental Officer #4 (blue shirt)
Ensign Himle Incidental Officer #5 (yellow shirt - Ack!)
Ensign Tarrall Incidental Officer #6 (blue shirt)
Ensign Bockius Incidental Officer #7 (yellow shirt -
Acting Lt. Neal Chuang Ship's Prodigy
Zen Ship's Computer
Other characters
Mad Bob the Avenger Admiral Avenger, Commander Starfleet
Mark Bradford Commodore Bradford, in charge of this sector
Chi An Chow Capt. "Roy" Chow, USS Sandberg
Kris "Lilith" Coulter Admiral T'Lilith, 1/2 Klingon, 1/2 Vulcan
fiance of Admiral Avenger and head of
Starfleet Genetics Research Division
Kabeta Kabeta, Commander of Starbase Harvard
Chad Harvey D'Arc Tangent, Commander of Starbase Syracuse
Incidental space beings
The Gaz Benevolent multidimensional being
The Queue A disruptive, mischevious being who loves
to slow down or stall processes.
Barbara Davis Romulan spy
Jon Giltner Romulan spy
Dave Holder of the secret Top 10 Lists
The Hidden Valley Ranch Empire Evil nasty dudes out to kill everybody
Cobra A ruthless terrorist organization determined
to rule the world. (How did that get in here?)
The Puck Best baseball player who ever lived.
Bo Jackson Bo knows *.
Eldrad Must live.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hassell (4 Feb 1990 14:22:48)
Subject: Re: STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
# From zecca Sun Feb 4 02:17:10 1990
# Date: Sun, 4 Feb 90 02:17:02 mst
# From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
# To: gaz@tramp
# Subject: STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
# Status: RO
YOU'VE DONE IT NOW ZEC. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES EVERYONE ... THIS IS TURNING INTO A
BBS ...... IT CAN NO LONGER STAY WITHIN THE WARPED SPACE OF THIS MAILING LIST.
ITS GONNA BLOW!!!!
What a rediculous thing hath started from among the ashes of about yea.. 5
people's "annoy" mail. Scarier and scarier sir.
Look what you've done to me now Zec.. Great... and I had just come out of
Extracirricular-Programmer's Anonymous. EPA
# STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
#
# Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship
# Croutonprize. Its four-year mission, to explore strange new parts of
What? Not enough funding for the Five-Year Plan... ??? That's what I'm on!?
# Duane Physics, to seek out new Croutons and new Junk Mailees, to boldly
# crouton where no one has croutoned before...
Egad... a bold and blatant Croutonizer.
# USS Croutonprize, NCC(New Crunchy Crouton)-1741-C (for Crouton)
#
# Starring
#
# Chris Platt as Captain Chris Crouton
C^3
# Mike Atkinson as Number One
# [ Leo McKern as Number Two ]
# [ Patrick McGoohan as Number Six ]
You must've deleted a few crew? Let's also not mix too many Sci-Fi
metaphors... So who's in charge of Time-Lord relations?
# Connie Flieder as Dr. Flieder, Ship's Surgeon
# [ "Damn it, Chris! I'm a doctor, not a Junk Mailer!" ]
# Lt. Cdr. Eric Moore Second Officer and Chief Crouton Wanna-Be
Hmm.. I sense a power struggle..hhehehehheehe.
# Lt. Melissa Midzor Chief Engineer
She's probably off on some Moon most of the time
# Lt. Highlander Security Chief (1/2 immortal, 1/2 human)
# Lt. Zortyl Wankoid Ship's Computer Officer (from planet Yoyoboq)
# [ Wankoid can communicate fluently with every computer in ]
# [ the known Universe except Zen -- the ship's computer. ]
AAAHHAHAHAA. MY ALTER EGO IS PRESENT.
"Damn Zen... WHY WON'T YOU FIGURE OUT THOSE CHESS MOVES I WANTED TO BEAT
CROUTONS WITH."
"Chess is merely a socio-political analog to organismic violence on
underdeveloped ego-community-systems. I find it trite and boring to figure
solutions to it."
"BUT I HAD 80 ZELKOIDS BET ON IT..... AAHHHHHHRGh. IF you didn't have my false
account under your grubby little data-structures... I'd optimize you out of
existance. Stuff that in your Symbolic Dataflow Line!"
"REALLY sir, I'd thought you had better control over the hormonal
weight-organizations of your frontal lobes. Dear, o dear. Working with
programmers is SOOOOOOO banal. I think I'll go read Plato again."
To Be Continued.........
# Lt. Soraya Ghiasi Science officer
Aren't we pulling apart every possible ST character to enjoy this number of
actors. This is going to be quite the mess. Ah well.
Hmmm.... now these guys look pretty sad. We'll see.
# Lt. JG Ken "TIB" Stern Transporter Chief
# Lt. JG Mordred Lotson Incidental Officer #1 (red shirt)
# Lt. JG Spivey Incidental Officer #2 (blue shirt)
# Ensign Elliott Incidental Officer #3 (red shirt)
# Ensign Taubman Incidental Officer #4 (blue shirt)
# Ensign Himle Incidental Officer #5 (yellow shirt - Ack!)
# Ensign Tarrall Incidental Officer #6 (blue shirt)
# Ensign Bockius Incidental Officer #7 (yellow shirt -
Ack!)
# Acting Lt. Neal Chuang Ship's Prodigy
SHOOT HIM ... SHOOT HIM NOW BEFORE HIS MOM GETS ON BOARD AND TREATS HIM LIKE A
TWO YEAR OLD AGAIN AAHHHHHHH.
# Zen Ship's Computer
Unfortunate casting. We'll have to check out his Metaphysics Banks
# Other characters
# Mad Bob the Avenger Admiral Avenger, Commander Starfleet
AHHHH WE HAVE TO CALL HIM TO DO STUFF... OH NO.
AHHHH AHHHH. He's also going to constantly tell ole Croutons "Nope Sorry...
you'll have to enhance the plot on your own... bright boy. HEY... DID YOU HEAR
ABOUT THE NEW YORK CUBS... THEY ALMOST WON THREE GAMES THIS LAST YEAR WOWOW
WOWOWO ". Yuk yuk yuk yukyuk .... just kiddinge..
# Mark Bradford Commodore Bradford, in charge of this sector
# Chi An Chow Capt. "Roy" Chow, USS Sandberg
Is that like the ship that gets destroyed "luckily" before the Croutonprize
does every episode? Maybe they run into a galactic Dustberg... or Iceberg...
... or maybe they (the Sandberg) run into another ship?
# Kris "Lilith" Coulter Admiral T'Lilith, 1/2 Klingon, 1/2 Vulcan
# fiance of Admiral Avenger and head of
You're so subtle Zec. :-> :->
# Starfleet Genetics Research Division
Now there's someone who's at war with herself. I suppose she fights very
logially though? Is she a vegetarian or not?
Maybe she's finding a way to actually
make Vulcan Klingon's keep from shooting their chessboard-computers when they
lose?
# Kabeta Kabeta, Commander of Starbase Harvard
Now THERE'S a bunch o loonies. Definately on the wierd side. Captain... I
demand we visit there immediately.. (the Arcturian Brandee is a bit on the
hefty side, eh?)
# Chad Harvey D'Arc Tangent, Commander of Starbase Syracuse
Even worse.. we'll visit there too. He'll have to lead us around.
# Incidental space beings
#
# The Gaz Benevolent multidimensional being
Maybe I can ask him about de-dimensionalizing Zen's main REFERENCEBANK!!!
# The Queue A disruptive, mischevious being who loves
# to slow down or stall processes.
# Barbara Davis Romulan spy
# Jon Giltner Romulan spy
You forgot to mention that they take no prisoners.... when people find out
about them.
# Dave Holder of the secret Top 10 Lists
# The Hidden Valley Ranch Empire Evil nasty dudes out to kill everybody
HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHA. THE BAD GUYS FINALLY EMERGE.
# Cobra A ruthless terrorist organization determined
# to rule the world. (How did that get in here?)
Really.... Zec. I think we'd better deal with them quickly before they fill
our posts with 800 zillion overused Combat-Cliches.
# The Puck Best baseball player who ever lived.
Not another one.
# Bo Jackson Bo knows *.
Is that like "The Shadow Knows"... or we should go ask Bo about everyone ...
because he'll know all their phone-#'s
# Eldrad Must live.
Yeah yeah.... what else is new. We oughta visit the Planet of Middle Earth and
get stuck there for a whiles too. Definately scary.
OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY
SO .... I hereby declare the StoryBoard of JunkMail open. Stories given should forthwith and
uttermostedly NOT interfere with predefined-character's attributes NOR should they introduce very offensive plot material . They should also signify
"story" in their subject-line so that there is little confusion. They should
also take a little more thought than most J-Mail posts. :-D :->. Each message
need not be an entire story and actually none should, because everyone should
have the opportunity to add to the story as it progresses... but we should also
try to keep some semblance of a plot in mind.
Especially because no one will have time to post one after classes REALLY hit..
and the story boggs down. :->.
Everyone within Eyeshot of this message should therefore set up a little Bio
for their character.... so that others know how to write you into their
stories. This is the best way to get started... or to insert your character
into a later episode ... and show how they act and interact.
The very very important questions of the day are this:
Who gets to be Logical all the time?
Who gets to be down-common-sensical all the time?
Who gets the stupid Scottish accent (I votes me... ya I duz...>
Who gets a Suthrun accent?
Who stares out into space and picks up constant amounts of extra
mental-static from toasters to Chris trying to do a Nuclear
problem?
Who gets worse attributes like being terminally ill or in constant
pain or having constant sex hormone hyperconcentrations?
(that's a tough one>
Who gets the girl every time ??? (It can't be Chris... he never gets
the girl..... he's in love with Fizzix.. (dangerous
relationship if you ask me> we'll have to see.... hmmm... Chris
Pike.... Chris Platt.. hmmmmmm..... similarities are getting
scary. Whabout Nurse Chapel as Number One? Hmmmmm. Just
don't go an talk to any Big-Headed aliens.>
THESE AND MORE ON .... THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE CONTINUING SAGA:
" ----- OFFICIAL CASTER'S AND WRITER'S STORY ARGUMENTS ----- "
(okay ... need a better title>
--- ### Zortyl (gee I'm normal> Wankoid ###
Head Computer Scientist and General
Off-In-Some-Distant-Space-Somewhere-Guru
### C>H> ### { uunet!rutgers!sunybcs , ncar , nbires } !boulder!tramp!hassell
ta.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: zecca (4 Feb 17:49:44)
Subject: STTCG comments
1) Let me give my thanks to Mr. Moore, Hassell, and Harvey for their
assistance in patching some holes in the cast. Lt. Gretzky has now been
added to the crew and notes have been added explaining that Barbara Davis
and Jon Giltner show no mercy.
2) Mr. Spivey has had to leave the Junk Mail list. However, I forgot to
cast Mr. Maki, so he has taken Spivey's place as Lt. JG Maki, Incidental
Officer #2 (blue shirt). (Sorry, Justin.)
3) Send any story ideas you may have to me or post them directly. We
can have a fun time with this, if you really want to. Capt. Crouton tells
me he rathers enjoys this current Crouton thread.
>---> Admiral Avenger
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: zecca (8 Feb 1990 17:53:34)
Subject: Croutons on TV
On Channel 4's news a few minutes ago:
Madeline McFadden was introducing a segment by Tom Martino on health
inspection of various restaurants. She talked about going to the salad
bar and looking next to the lettuce to see "Is that a CROUTON ... or is
it something else?" ^^^^^^^
Be seeing you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Tue, 6 Feb 90 12:56:00 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:The Crouton Generation stuff
Here's something that Zecca left out of his ST:TCG writer's synopsis:
The Mold: Strange half-humaniod, half-machine, all evil creatures that fly
around the universe in a spaceship of strangely generalized design that looks
like a giant crouton. The only foes capable of dealing a deathblow to the
USS Croutonprize.
Here's some episode synopses:
"Baco Bits" While working on a class project to improve the salad, Acting Lt.
Neal Chuang allows some Baco's to interract with each other. They escape and
head straight for the food synthesizers and immediately mess everything up.
Whoopi Goldberg guest stars as CaesarSalad from the 1000 Islands.
"Mind Your P's and Queues" The crew of the Croutonprize encounters the
malevolent Queue being which immediately slows their progress to a complete
stop by adding an infinite number of batch jobs to each of their computer's
nodes.
"System Upgrade" While upgrading the ship's computer ZEN, someone accidentally
slips a copy of Nietzsche's "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" into its data banks. ZEN
immediately malfunctions, becomes a megalomaniac (like Degrand), and decides
to rid the Croutonprize of all crouton-based life forms.
That's enough for now, don't you think?
--zen
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Be seeing you!
-- Michael "The Admiral" Zecca, starfury@eskimo.com