Vincent Darlings weird view of Jews

Vince Darling or Vincent Darling truly has the weirdest view of Jews. One day I jokingly asked him, “what’s it like to be the father of two Jews” and he said another aquaintance of him had recently brought it up.

He said that my brother, Eric Fifer and I, we’re not Jews. However our mother is Askenazi Jew. Traditionally if the mother is Jewish, then so are the children..

I brought him to two different web sites that stated very clearly that within the Orthadox tradition that if the mother is Jewish then the children are Jewish.

No matter what web site I directed him to, Wikipedia and Jewish sources he refused to believe it was true

I’ve never really seen a person in that much of denial. I can only assume that he is so anti Semitic that he can’t believe his children Arianma Darshanii and Eric Fifer are Jews.

It does not really matter what he thinks.

Personally, I think he’s starting to show signs of dementia.

People ask me how I have been able to remain a beautiful person with relatives that are so hateful and the answer is that my husband and I have a relationship which has spanned 33 years and at the end of the day, the person you sleep with is the person who reflects your life.

Other ways I cope is having loving relationships with animals, especially horses but my 3 cats and 1 dog.

Being Pimped Out?

In 1973, I stayed with my father, Vince Darling.  At that time Vince Darling had a wife sharing “open couples” cult called COFU. In some manner, he was able to get around 30 people to follow his cult. My father has subsequently told me he’s used a lot of cocaine for sexual stamina. I met this man who was a funk disc jockey. He said if I gave him a kiss that he would give me an album ( LP ) which was a big deal back then. I went to give him a peck on the lips and he grabbed my head and French Kissed me. Later on, I watched this disc jockey sell Vince Darling some cocaine. It was a brown paper bag that was 5 inches by 4 inches. Vince Darling cut into the bag to test it. He accepted the paper bag. After that, Vince Darling sent me off with his drug dealer. The drug dealing disc jockey told me I could speak on the radio and get more albums if I came with him. He had a red MG Midget and I remember going over the Golden Gate Bridge from Brisbane to downtown San Francisco. The breeze was blowing my long hair. We got to the place where. He was a disc jockey. Once again he said if I kissed him that he’d give me an LP. Once again, I attempted to peck him on the Kip and he French Kissed me. I was only 11 in 1973 and I learned later that he was 21. This time he pushed me up against the wall and some LPs fell off the shelf. I thought to myself “he’s going to rape me”. At that point a woman came into the room. It stopped him. I went to the opposite side of the room. He turned around to get me again and I said “You know I’m only 11, doing you?” And he said “no, you have to be 14 or 15 ( which is still statutory rape) . He seemed disgusted with the whole situation. He told me to say something on the microphone but I was so freaked out by that point that I could not think of anything to say. He drove me back to Bisbane where my father Vince Darling lived. At one time in my life I thought my father made an error in judgement but now I have to wonder if I was part of the cocaine deal? Did he get a discount for pimping me out? Because this guy was a famous disc jockey in 1973, I did some research and determined his name was Marvin Holmes but there are many Marvin Hollmes in the Bay Area and many at the correct age. There is a Marvin Holmes that lead a funk group called the uprights but I don’t know if that is him. Did my father, Vince Darling look at me as such a piece of trash that he literally pimped me out at age 11? Given the types of beatings he gave me during that same period, I think it’s possible. 

Why is it important now?

I don’t really know why it’s important to talk about things now.. Any therapist of mine has been hearing about Vince Darling abusing me. My current therapist has been seeing me since about 2002 and I’ve been dealing with the issues surrounding my abuse. I guess even when you have been destroyed by someone, beaten by someone, sexually abused by someone, you blame yourself. You need to get along at all costs. Even when that is unhealthy. What transpired between me and Vince Darling in 1973 s still important because he’s never been held accountable. Speaking out, on this little web site that nobody will read, is all I can do to hold him accountable and so I’m doing that. His treatment of me as an adult has not been much better than his treatment of me when I was 11, I put up with it endlessly as if I have no spine. I hate to have to say goodbye to Daddy but I never had a Daddy, I only had an Ogre who has hated me since I was born. The only way I was spared a horrible fate of being raised by him was my mother’s courage to not allow him to raise us. When I talk about the way I was beaten by Vince Darling, at age 11, I simply say ” Now I know why children as young as 12 or 13 run away” and actually, with the type of sexual abuse I had by Vince Darling I would have likely been in foster care. Foster care is horrible but your father Vince Darling sexually abusing you is far worse. My blog makes me happy. I finally at peace. My whole family is like a toxic boil with so much puss that it finally broke open and this blog is the puss other members of the family have been trying to hide with make up instead of healing the wound. None of them realize how much I’ve been wounded and even worse, none of them care. Vince Darling can go to his grave denying what he did but Jesus is watching and if I was Vince Darling I would consider Hell as more than a theoretical concept.

One other possibility is that when he beat me, he was so stoned on cocaine and drunk that he does not even know what he did. I can only hope the latter is true.

At any rate Annie Fifer and Eric Fifer were warned by me that my Dad has sexually absused me in some poetry I wrote them. They put Sophie Fifer in Vince Darling’s care. 

Did Annie Fifer abandon Sophie Fifer

the short answer is I simply don’t know but let me speak as to what I DO know.

Quite some time ago, I visited Eric Fifer and Annie Fifer right before they left for Hong Kong. We did a lot of activities based around Sophie.

We went to the skating ring where Sophie was the most brilliant skater I’d ever seen. She also did some turns at home in the evening. So incredibly gifted!

The last thing we did was go to a soccer game. So, Vince Darling, Grace Darling, Eric Fifer ( the financial manager in Hong Kong) and Annie Fifer of Anne Fifer Interiors all met on the soccer field.

Sophie ran very rapidly to Grace Darling.

My father said “when Sophie Fifer sees Grace Darling, she makes a v line to Grace because Grace raised her for her first 2 years” Vince Darling said “yes, Annie had post partum depression, she was taking fertility drugs, and Sophie was turning into a brat. Vince Darling continued on and said “it just was not a good scene for awhile.”

I did not invent this whole notion of Annie Fifer abandoning Sophie Fifer, I was merely repeating what Vince Darling had told me.  

From statements my brother, Eric Fifer and from Annie Fifer, I think the notion is credible but I can’t say for sure because I’m not a private detective or researcher of any type so, what I’m going to do is say that it’s unfair to judge them.

On the other hand, Vince Darling did make those statements and I am a scientist with a very good memory of what people say or don’t say. My personal coach said “Ari, your father is poison”.

He reads Machiavelli and may have made these statements to me, knowing that I would repeat them.

Another possibility is some form of dementia. I don’t think he has full blown dementia but can tell from talking with him that his mind is not all there.

He is 85 and with a history of abusing cocaine and alcohol at the same time. Perhaps he will deny that, as well, but in my 30s we did a lot of hiking together and he would talk about cocaine and how it helps with sexual stamina.

A different time, in 1973, when I was 11, I saw him buy a big bag of cocaine for his yoga cult at the time called COFU. The cocaine dealer’s name was Marvin Holmes.

I’m not sure if it’s ok for a father to share his sexual exploits with his daughter at any age. In one case, he told me Grace Darling and he had a “open” “wife swapping” relationship and that she gave him chlamydia and he was fuming angry.

However,  if you want to not have sexually transmitted disease you either have to be in a closed relationship or use a condom.

I was around 33 and he was 63 when he told me about his sex life. I honestly don’t know if that’s normal or not.

My mother also shared too much information. She basically told me that my Dad had orgasms like a woman. I don’t know what that means to be honest.

But I think if you  don’t like the way a person has a orgasm that maybe you should not get married? Not sure on that one. As far as my husband and I, we don’t talk about our sex lives in that manner.  

Did Annie Fifer abandon Sophie Fifer? I would have to say NO but that **something** that was meant to be secret was related to me. I don’t think they abandoned Sophie Fifer but they are overly defensive about it. They act like I made it up, when, in reality, I’m on,y repeating what my father said to me at a soccer game. 

ALSO, DON’T SHOOT THE MESSENGER!! 

 

 

 

My situation with Harvard

Eric Fifer

Annie Fifer

Sophie Fifer

Arianna Darshani

my situation with Harvard is this. After I got my Biology degree, I tried to get accepted to Harvard Graduate School. In 1985 I got a $75,000 merit based scholarship. I just recently looked it up on a chart as to what $75,000 in 1985 is, in 2016 and the amount is $178,000

Thats a lot of money that Harvard was offering me. I did not go because I have never loved science. I also didn’t want to go to school for another 5 years and then do 2 post docs. So, I decided against it. However, it shows the level of degree that i was at with my 4.0 from the U of M with all hard classes. Eric Fifer could not get into Harvard or MIT and was stuck with Columbia. Well, I guess he’s made a lot of money but academically did not do well. At 18, he wanted to go to West Point. They did not accept him because his upper body strength was not strong enough.

My love for Sophie Fifer

I wonder if Sophie Fifer will ever know how much I love her. 

 I am her Aunt and I have nothing but unconditional love for her. I don’t have any money compared to my brother and we live a humble life.

I have nothing flashy or fancy for her.  I only have my wide open heart that I offer to her for all of her life.

have stories about about how her Dad, Eric Fifer and I were raised in poverty. I have much to say about her brilliant grand mother Lorraine Croft/Moss

people can say bad things about my mother but she raised 2 successful children as a single mother living in poverty. I wonder if Sophie Fifer can ever realize how much her Grandmother would love her. I wonder if Sophie Fifer can know how her grandmother is looking down from Heaven and how her grandmother is sending her love from Heaven.

I hope one day Sophie Fifer will be her own person and decide not to go with her parents version of things. She will likely be a trust fund baby and won’t ever be able to contact me but I hope one day she does so I can shower her with my unconditional love.

I have proof that I can have long term, unconditional love because I’ve been with my husband, 32 of my 54 years and that is 60% of my life.

It was so exciting to meet Sophie Fifer and realize how talented and beautiful she looked. I find it entertaining in that she looks more like me than her own mother.

I don’t know what fake stories Sophie Fifer is being told but I know if her mother is toxic that Sophie might be toxic too.

I have stopped communicating with this family because it’s just too painful to endure. I think Annie Fifer is entertaining herself with how much pain she can inflict and its working. She wins.

It’s too painful to have a beautiful niece who I love unconditionally and Who has been ripped apart from me by her mother. I hope one day Sophie understands unconditional love like the love her Grandmother Lorraine had for Eric and me. Maybe it will skip a generation and my mother’s love will guide Sophie’s soul. 

Fond Memories of Eric Fifer

I have veery fond memories of my brother, Eric Fifer, the Eric Fifer of Horizon Asser Internarion (HK) Limited. That is opposed to all the other Eric Fifers on Google and Facebook. A popular name!

Anyway I have great memories of how we used to ride out on our bikes to really far distances from our home. Nowadays parents are afraid to keep children safe and not let them so far.

When I was around 12 and Eric Fifer was 11, we used to get all of our candy and save it for watching the “6 million dollar man”. So funny because nowadays 6 million is not a lot and it was not tons back in 1973, either.

am sharing this because this kind of thing explains why I have tried so hard and for so many years to reconcile with my brother.  I love him and miss him. But I need to face reality now, and pretty much consider him and my niece dead.

I am growing but within my grieving, I realize I have closure

I don’t have to post anything about them, and I can focus on my own life. My own life is not the greatest. I suffer from depression but anyone who’s family has treated you like shit,  is going to get depressed by it.

think meditation is s great tool because you can have disturbed thoughts, bring those thoughts back to the breath and do something positive to replace the negative thinking.

This is how the Buddha taught and I think the Buddha was on to something. This is also what Swami Veda Bharati taught.

I just recently a Buddhist Center opened within 10 minutes of my house where we are used to NOTHING within easy deriving distance. I have a been invited for breakfast any time but they have their lunch at 11!

I have contributed to their temple by selecting trees for them. Their searches did not bring up good trees. My search yielded a bunch of big maple trees, birch and some perrenials. Essentially, I have created the forest for them. I also told them that June and July are the most hideous times to plant s tree. Really, September is much better. So the tree contractor came out and also said June and July are just too hard on the trees.

I felt vindicated because The contractor said the same thing. Now they have pflenty of time to collect the trees and they should be done well if they are planted in September. September is important because there’s just not enough water to keep a big tree healthy in June and July. The trees are also planted and guaranteed for 1 year so the Buddhist center if finished with my services. 

Maybe because I’m a woman or that I’m a nobody but I felt devalued throughout the whole thing. Sad when it’s a Busddhist center. They decided to go with a circle of different maple trees which I don’t agree with. They will get variation in height, different bloom times, different widths and it could be unattractive or maybe it will be nice. It is hard to tell, so, I have contributed to humanity! I go to the Buddhist center to learn about Buddhism, every Sunday and ‘m also welcome to lunch which is nice of them.

 

its nice to feel wanted. Recent activities in my life have left me feeling like a literal piece of shit. My family of origin persists in believing something is wrong with me but in reality, they are the ones with the problems.

 

Richard Horvitz, University of Cincinati

Everyone needs a warning about fake friends. I find Richard Horvitz to have been one of the most injurious “friends” to my mental health. We were friends for a long time when he told me that my life was so depressing that he couldn’t stand it and so I told a gfraduate school group about his lack of character. That lead to him to even lowering his character lower and lower every year in an almost intentional way to injure my mental health. I had told him private things about myself and he used those things against me in a sadistic way. If you are friends with Richard Horvitz, be afraid, very afraid. 

richard.horvitz@gmail.com

Saving a toddler’s life

I know I’ve done one good thing in my life and that was rescuing a toddler from drowning. I also feel strongly that I likely saved my brother’s life (Eric Fifer)

In this case I was around 9. Two toddlers were running up and down a deck. I was fishing. I was mostly thinking about how they would scare the fish and I Was rather annoyed.

The adults were in a 3 season porch but I don’t think you could see a dock from the porch and so the children were not being tended.

Sure enough, a child fell in and I didn’t know what to do. I threw my fishing pole into the lake and ran over where she fell in.

I’ll never forget what I saw there. I saw her face looking up at me, with her blonde hair moving with the waves. Bubbles were coming out of her mouth. I had to decide whether to scream for help or take care of it, myself. I decided the latter.

I’d guess her weight at 40 pounds and I likely weighed 80. I put my body such as to use my abdominals as a fulcrum. I had to scrape her abdomen over the dock.

Not the most graceful thing.

The boy running with her, his name was Brady and he ran to the adults. He told the adults what had happened. They rushed down to give her a towel. I started fishing again. But an hour later they came down to worship me as they realized what I had done.i wonder if she ever remembers a face looking down at her as she was drowning or if she was too young. 

So at my early age of 9 I saved a life. I also saved my brother’s life ( Eric Fifer ). Saving 2 lives makes my lif all the more valuable. I am resourceful, intelligent and wise.