A Message from Michael's secretary

Hey guys I hate to be the one to inform you of this but, Mr. Ferguson has disappeared somewhere in Portland Oregon while attending a wedding last weekend. There are no clues to this disappearance and the situation has officials baffled. So even in his absence the biznez must try to carry-on and I, Carla his secretary have been asked to fill in for him during the interim. I have some opinions and information on Mr. F and on life that i thought you might find comical and insightful. I promise I wont be too cruel to Michael afterall he has been a pretty good boss.

The Secret Life of Biznez:

a biographical account of Biznez Man, Michael Donald Ferguson as told by his secretary Carla Vellarosa.

First off, Mr. Ferguson is the dirtiest slut i know! Oh boy is he gross! With that obvious ill fitting hair piece and the monster breath...PU! He even leaves the top three buttons of his shirt undone and does a come over with his chest hair! It is so gross!......Still something about him is attractive, must be his winning smile? But i could never, ever bring myself to do anything with him. But believe me....he has tried to get it on with me numerous times. As you can well imagine he is very slewthy and hard to pin down, he is well skilled in the art of avoiding sexual harassment charges. I guess everyone of his secretaries have tried to "get" him, for him "getting" them but none have won in court. I just try to be his friend and laugh at his "come-ons". I cant be too hard on the guy, he is aging so quickly and terribly. You can see the confidence disappearing daily from his fading adolescent persona. He is stepping knowledgeably into "manhood." they all (men) have to eventually. Before long he will be just like my husband....dull and technical and having thoughts of only one woman. (me). All men become dull but atleast "dull" is consistent and we women need consistency or we start moaning and pouting like cats with a dirty sand box.....or maybe cats in heat.

Once men have entered manhood they are so fun to play with. We women gasp and act all put out from the stresses of womanhood and play victim to our hormonal entropies. You know what i mean?....Our men come home after a hard days work.....being a slave to the money that buys things....and all we women can do at the end of the day is paint our fingernails and daydream of Fabio taking us away. taking us away from these dull, overweight, balding, sweaty, hairy, money-grubbing objects of Gillette razor blade campaigns.

But we know we cant go away with Fabio for we too have "let ourselves go" and we know that we are no prize for the likes of muscle bound men. Deep down inside we are damn glad that our men have become ugly, yet still have that high sex-drive to contend with and are just happy to get any kind of "treat" we women (their wives) give them. Thank god for the kids that take all of this stress off of my mind. I try to focus most of my burdensome energy on my kids as that alleviates the threat that i will have to figure out my life . I am going to try to have as many kids as my body can pump out. Just keep pumping out kids as fast as Pampers can make the diapers... as fast the garbage man haul away the "shit can".... as fast as those burdensome thoughts arise.

Have a nice day, Carla.

Carla Vellarosa
Administrative Assistant
Michael Donald Ferguson Enterprises, Inc.

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