Answer:

   Barrow, Alaska!!

Yes, indeed, you too can afford ocean-front property - if the ocean is the Arctic ocean! You want North? You want remote? How about surreal? Perched on the northern-most point of the USA, this small (4400 people, mostly native) community could not be more different than all of the other places I've seen! Absolutely flat, utterly treeless - yup, it's definitely the Arctic! Having not touched my reserve of miles with Alaska Airlines, and needing to see one more, very different place, I hopped a 737 & spent 24 hours here as a tourist. I met some folks on the plane (brother and sister combo Bill & Kate from the US, and an Italian couple whose names I didn't get) and we got ourselves on a tour. Here's a short photo album:

 


The Alaska Airlines terminal. Note the slices of giant corrugated steel tubing protecting the doors from snow drifts. Actually, as I understand it, snow isn't the problem here (think: "minus 60"). The fabulous Top of the World Hotel. As it was my good timing to be here off season, I was able to afford an ocean-view room. To the right is Pepe's, a surprisingly authentic Mexican restaurant (we never did get our waiter, who is in fact Mexican, to explain how he got lured here).
 
The obligatory road sign (but which way is Wall Drug?) The monument in the background commemorates Will Rogers, who was killed nearby in a plane crash in 1935. This sign explains that Barrow's Inupiat name means "Place where we hunt snowy owls." Beneath those mounds in the background lie ancient (500 years?) "sod" houses. Interesting to an archeologist, perhaps, but Inupiat (the correct designation for the folks who live here) custom discourages excavating such sights "until mother Earth reveals them to us."
 
Note how all of the buildings here are on stilts; otherwise, the heat would defrost the permafrost below and your house would sink. Energy is surprisingly cheap here - since they pump natural gas right from the ground. In the frozen tundra at the edge of town can be seen Barrow's links with the outside world; these satellite dishes provide telephone communications - and 60 channels of cable.
 
A lovely plywood-sided Barrow fixer-upper (with no indiginous wood, all building materials - mostly steel and wood paneling - must be brought in at great expense). I even saw boats that were made of plywood. In the yard sits a boat made from one of the few materials locally available: seal skin. These boats are still used for whaling. The not-so-beautiful beach. The sandbags are to prevent erosion, a real problem here. And although this picture doesn't show it well, the water is a disgusting murky brown. Yech. Food for thought: The Arctic Ocean has no tides! Being on top of the world, the Arctic isn't affected by the tidal bulge (picture the diagram on tides you were shown in high school science).
 
Barrow City Hall. Many important buildings have a bowhead whale skull on display in front; and in some places they're just lying on the beach. The Inupiat take about 20 whales a year for subsistence. Go Sox! These whalebones are pretty much the standard tourist shot in Barrow.
 
At the Inupiat Heritage Center (a surprisingly nice museum) I met Perry, who does baline etching. Amazingly, he's only been doing this for about a year!
Detail.
More art on display at the Heritage Center. For the last stop on the van tour, our tourguide Joe drove us past his house to show off some of his recent hunting triumphs, such as caribou (sorry you had to see this, vegetarians). You can see a polar bear hide hanging on the railing behind him to the right.
 
Hey, we saw some polar bears after all - Bill & Kate took the plunge! If nothing else, you gotta admire Kate's having the gumption to wear a bikini 300 miles north of the Arctic Circle.
 
Snow machines & ATVs share equal status with pickup trucks on Barrow's streets. In the background, a snowball fight ensues in front of one of this community's many churches (most folks here, including the natives, are Presbetarian). At the end of the day, where else to dine ...?
 
Some parting observations:
  • Despite the cloudy weather and short rations of sunlight (only two weeks after the equinox, the Barrow day is nevertheless down to about 10.5 hours) I was pleased with my timing; the weather is just turning wintery but not too bad (20s, windy, some snow). In the hotel we were chatting with an older native who invited us to visit again - in February. I think I'm washing my hair that day.
  • Having already seen brown and black bears, I was hoping to add a polar bear to my list. Sadly, we didn't see any; in fact, the only wildlife we saw other than a few hardy seagulls were weird white ... bugs? arthropods? Don't know what they are, but they're anywhere up to four inches long & tend to wash up on the pebbly beach.
  • The people here are extremely friendly (but each dog I met - mostly giant huskies - wanted to rip my face off; maybe because they have to sleep outside).
  • It's a surprisingly well-off community, mostly due to north-slope oil. Even though Prudhoe Bay is hundreds of miles to the east, the corporate headquarters for the company that controls the oil is in Barrow.
  • Everyone here hunts - caribou, bears, fowl, and of course, whale. Storing your meat is no problem, no freezers necessary; just hang it in your back yard & it will stay frozen all winter.
  • Even up here I met another Red Sox fan! We were both wearing our t-shirts as we passed each other at the airport.

 

Okay, that's it. I'm out of here (um, wait, is the Sox game on ...?)

 - Rob
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