Christine's Book Reviews

October 6th, 1999
    I have persistent, recurring nightmares about a huge and complex theme park. Sometimes it's the rides, once a bunch of dinosaurs got loose in the park, other times someone is following me through the midway ... but more often than not, if it's gonna be a scary dream, it'll be one in which I'm at the park's aquarium, walking on narrow boards and scaffolding that have been set up over the big tank because they're doing construction. I'm never sure why the hell I'm up there, but I can see the critters below ... circling, circling ... some of them are nice, like dolphins and sea lions, while others are sharks and assorted sea monsters (it's a very eclectic tank). Sometimes I fall in.
    Now, the aquarium dream only started within the past couple of years, and I suspect it is a symbol of my hopes and fears about becoming a published writer. I don't _think_ I was overly traumatized by "Jaws" as a child, have never been bitten or stung by sea creatures, etc. Though I do get a little nervous in the ocean when I'm more than hip-deep and I'd never want to go scuba diving, and I do get a little twitchy over 'deep' movies like "The Abyss" or submarine flicks because I don't like the idea of a thin shell of metal being the only thing keeping me safe from a completely lethal airless crushing environment.
    With all of that, I knew "Meg" was going to scare me. So I read it. Three times now.
    "Meg" makes me froth in fits of envy; it's Steve Alten's first novel, bestseller, and the movie's in the works (from Disney, I believe).
    The premise is this -- several years ago, Jonas Taylor piloted a submersible mission into the Marianis (sp?) Trench. All the way down. Seven miles of inky freezing black. All the way to where the thermal vents in the sea floor create a chemical-rich layer of tropically-hot water and life forms that have never seen the sun live and thrive in contradiction to all that was ever known about how life could exist.
    Jonas, exhausted after three dives in the same week, thought he saw a Megalodon -- a sixty-foot prehistoric shark. He panicked and surfaced too quickly, causing the deaths of the two scientists that had been aboard and landing himself in a naval hospital. Left with severe claustrophobia, his career was effectively over. He spent the next seven years trying to convince himself he hadn't hallucinated, becoming a controversial figure in the scientific community with his theory that Megalodon might not be extinct after all. That these monsters, the ultimate predator and most deadly killing machine the Earth had ever known, could indeed still live in the deep trench.
    His theories are mostly met with ridicule. Some feel he's made a career out of justifying his own hallucination and panic and the deaths of two men. His wife Maggie, a television journalist, bitterly blames Jonas for giving up his high-profile life as an adventurer and rugged hero-type in favor of becoming a professor. She's been spending more and more time with Jonas' friend Bud, a shallow ponytailed millionaire (David Xanatos but with less panache).
    Masao Tanaka doesn't much care about Jonas' theories. He is more interested in Jonas' ability as a submersible pilot, because he needs a second pilot to accompany his son D.J. into the Trench. In exchange for underwriting on his pet project, the world's largest whale lagoon, Tanaka agreed to let a company use some underwater thingies (I forget exactly what they were for) to monitor tectonic activity in the Trench or something.
    Three underwater thingies have been damaged. By rockslides? Or by something else?
    Jonas agrees to go down in the second sub, but only because he sees something in one of the pics of the damage that fascinates him. He is convinced it is a tooth, a Megalodon tooth, and unlike the fossilized souvenir he carries, this one looks fresh! Everyone else, of course, laughs at him.
    What happens next is fairly predictable -- Megalodon _does_ exist, but Jonas' flash of vindication is short-lived when D.J.'s sub is attacked. The cable he'd been supposed to hook to one of the damaged underwater thingies becomes tangled around the Meg and when the ship above winches in, they haul the dying monster all the way to the surface. Then it gets worse ... the Meg's mate chomps in, and the warm river of blood protects her from the terrible cold, allowing her to rise safely.
    So now it's really hit the fan. Sixty feet of great white shark, with a luminescent hide, a head the size of an SUV and nine-inch teeth, is on the loose in the upper oceans. The government wants to destroy her before she wreacks holy old hell on the shipping and whaling industries, the environmentalists want to have her declared a protected species, and the rest (like Jonas' wife Maggie) want to make money off of filming the footage.
    Writing-wise and plot-wise, "Meg" is simple and straightforward, with a tendency to overuse exclamation points outside of dialogue -- Frank looked down, and screamed! -- which is a bit jarring to my eyes. The characters are drawn in broad, clear lines. Maggie's a bitch, the reporter she has tailing Jonas is a weasel, Terry Tanaka (Masao's daughetr) is the feisty but babalicious token chick, etc. Jonas' name is only a letter away from Jonah, who got swallowed by the whale, so the dramatic finale is not at all unexpected. The author knows his sharks and underwater research, though I'm a little dubious about his surfer-dude research; I also just read Dean Koontz's two books about Chris Snow, and I trust D.K. to over-research if anything; his surfer stuff was obnoxiously in-your-face "Look how good I am!"
    A quick read, a visual and visceral (both in terms of adrenaline and gore) read. Just don't take it to the beach with you. It'll make a good movie, for a typical sea monster flick ... the effects should be kick-ass ... a computer-generated Megalodon tearing the bejesus out of a Navy submarine, a few yachts, and a pod or two of whales will be worth it even if they wind up crippling the characters and making the plot even more formulaic than it already is.
   And, of course, the Meg births her young before the end, leaving room for a sequel ... which is now out in hardback ... God but I envy this guy!
    "Meg" is a Bantam book, ISBN 0-553-57910-X.
 

September 2, 1999
    If there is one book that every gamer and member of a fandom must read, it's "Bimbos of the Death Sun" by Sharyn McCrumb.
    I'm ashamed of how long I had this book sitting on the shelf untouched. That title, good grief, I was expecting something even tackier than John Norman's "Gor" books. I may never have given it a chance if Steve Jackson hadn't said in a chat that it was a must-read. Trusting Steve implicitly, I decided I'd try it.
    And read it in a single hour, laughing my head off the entire time!
    The title is supposed to be that horrible ... the main character is Dr. James Owen Mega, an engineering and physics professor. Under the pseudonym Jay Omega, he has written a science-fiction novel about a planet where the effects of some changes in the solar radiation have resulted in a worldwide devastating drop in the IQs of all the women. But his editor, wanting a 'catchy' title, insisted on "Bimbos of the Death Sun." And oh, can I ever identify with Jay's plight! His woes, his utter lack of control and feeling of being unsupported by his publisher, are things with which I'm feeling rather familiar.
    Anyway, here's poor Dr. Mega, hoping like crazy that none of his students or fellow faculty ever figure out that he's responsible for this paperback with a cover showing a fur-bikinied piece of cheesecake at the feet of a guy in a lab coat. The only one who knows his secret is his significant other, Dr. Marion Farley, a professor of Engligh with a specialty in folklore and science fiction.
    But RubiCon is in town, and Jay winds up as a guest author. Jay Omega has never been to a con in his life. He's never even been exposed to the weirdness he's about to be plunged into. Marion used to be a fan, so she is familiar with what's going on and serves as his guide through the huckster's room, the Star Trek theme wedding, the gaming, and the rest. And he has the opportunity to meat the REAL guest.
    Appin Dungannon, whose twenty-six book series about Celtic warrior extraordinaire Tratyn Runewind has made him THE star of the show, is RubiCon's coveted guest of honor this year. He is so famous, in fact, that Dungannon can get away with being the most obnoxious jackass in the history of fandom. He badmouths his devoted readers in a way that makes Shatner's "Get a Life" speech a compliment by comparison, throws folding chairs at anyone who dares dress up as his character, infuriates collectors by signing copies of his books "J.R.R. Tolkien," drives the convention organizers absolutely nuts with his prima donna demands, always votes for the sexiest femmefan in the costume contest, and is generally an appalling, horrible man.
    It's no surprise, then, when he winds up murdered. The only question is, with a list of motivated suspects nearly as long as the con registration list, who did it?
    With the sudden death of the main guest of honor, the con organizers turn to Jay Omega to fill in, asking him to judge the short story competition and run a roleplaying game starring the mythic Tratyn Runewind. He also winds up in the thick of the murder investigation.
    It's even funnier because it's written primarily from the perspective of the outsiders -- poor befuddled Jay Omega, and Scottish folksinger Donnie McRory, who gets sucked into the con when he hears music ... little could he know he's about to be exposed to that most vile of things, filking! And worse, when word gets around that there's a genuine Scot in the hotel, the Star Trek bride and groom (getting married as Spock and Saavik) come to him to beg a favor ...
    Two other outsiders turn up. Dungannon's editor arrives supposedly to pick up the manuscript of the next Tratyn Runewind novel and instead finds his client dead, and his first thought is to wonder what he should do with his other two wishes. A detective called in to investigate winds up having the time of his life, continually saying, "I love this case!" as he's taking reports from Imperial Stormtroopers and elves, getting the wrong impression as he listens to a couple of Top Secret players plotting their next campaign, and to his absolute delight, even winds up taking a hit  from a broadsword!
    "Bimbos" was written in 1988 ... and to put that in perspective (gulp! hang on, this gets scary):
    1. The original Star Trek was still the only Trek in town ... no arguments over which was the better captain, no Klingons, no Ferengi.
    2. D&D ruled the gaming world pretty much undisputed ... GURPS had only just debuted, the whole Vampire thing was still years in the future.
    3. Richard Garfield hadn't even begun working on Magic: The Gathering.
    4. E-mail was something that only the die-hard geeks in the engineering business used, and the 'Net was more a figment than a reality.
    5. No X-Files, no Babylon 5, no Buffy ... you get the idea.
    And yet, some things never change. It's at once comforting and horrifying. The author is all-too-clearly one of us, writing from the inside with that eye that sees so truthfully that no one can really be mad. If you've been to a con, you've seen these characters. You know these people. You are these people!
    "Bimbos of the Death Sun" was published by TSR Books. ISBN 0-88038-455-7
 
 

July 28th, 1999
    A book about a harsh colonial world, where dragons are raised by humans ... and yet, it's not Pern!
    Last weekend, I read "The Pit Dragon Trilogy" by Jane Yolen, and she did what few authors can do. Her dragons, as majestic as they are, are not Anne McCaffrey rip-offs. Several times, in fact, the point is stressed that riding these dragons is unwise -- the weight of a human would  press down on their flight muscles, making liftoff impossible; and more interestingly, the few fools who've tried to ride a walking dragon find that the way the sharp-edged scales lay is a good way to take all the skin off your inner thighs ... or other sensitive portions of the anatomy.
    The trilogy is set on a world that was originally designated as a prison planet, and all of the natives are descended either from convicts or wardens. The convict-descended folks (as well as most of the indiginous plants and animals) have a double-k in their names, presumably as a tradition going back to the early days of the colony.
    The main character of the trilogy is Jakkin, a young bonder who works for a dragon-nursery. A bonder is one who has sold his/her freedom, working for room and board and meager wages, and all bonders wear a bond-bag. When the bond-bag is full, the bonder may give it to his/her master in exchange for freedom. But the more a bonder spends on entertainment, trinkets, and other luxuries, the slower it takes to fill that bag.
    The main form of entertainment on the planet takes place in the Pits. These, I reiterate, are not your noble Impressed Pernese dragons, searing Thread from the sky, linked forever to their riders. These babies fight (they are also livestock, used for meat and leather). Trained since hatching, the champions of the Pits are worth fortunes to their owners and those who bet on them.
    Jakkin's dream is to train a Pit-fighting dragon. But how is a lowly bonder to do that? The master of the nursery keeps close watch on the hatchlings. Usually ... an accounting error shows nine baby dragons when there are really ten, and Jakkin leaps at his chance.
    One of the main drawbacks to this book is the goofy names most of the dragons get stuck with ... in the nursery where Jakkin works, they're all named Heart-this or Blood-that; I kept waiting for Heart of Gold (Hitchhiker's Guide) or Blood Thirst or such. Jakkin continues this tradition and names his hatchling Heart's Blood.
    The first book details Jakkin's efforts to raise and train a dragon in secret. Luckily for him, the dragons are herbivores (though, unluckily, the plants they eat are so hot they with burn a human on contact; so does dragon blood). He has the help of the headstrong Akki, a girl believed to be from the baggeries (an interesting name for 'whorehouses'), and the enmity of the dour old trainer Likkan. When Heart's Blood begins to win fights, Jakkin finds that freedom isn't all he thought it would be. After all, someone still has to clean up after that dragon ...
    The second book delves into political intrigue, when the planetary Federation and a rebel group are threatening the way of life of the whole planet, which is one of the few places left in the galaxy where barbaric blood-combats are still fought. A devious nobleman wants Jakkin's help infiltrating the rebels, and when Jakkin finds out Akki is involved, he is there without a moment's thought. But the young dragon-trainer and the headstrong girl wind up on the run when they are tricked into planting a bomb that destroys one of the largest Pits in the area. With the help pf Heart's Blood, they are able to escape, and in the midst of tragedy, they gain an unexpected gift.
    The third book begins with Jakkin and Akki, who now both have the gifts of dragon-sight (seeing vibrant and wonderful colors in all things) and the ability to withstand Dark-After (the deadly bitter cold that comes when the two suns set), living in a system of caves with Heart's Blood's hatchlings. When the realize they are still being hunted by their political enemies, they leave their caves and explore deeper into the mountains. There, they discover a lost civilization of silent, telepathic humans who have also learned the secret of the dragons' gifts ... but at the cost of many dragons' lives. Jakkin and Akki are determined to put an end to the gory sacrifice.
    All in all, these are good, quick reads; simple but entertaining if a bit predictable in places. Worth a look, and for gamers, there is good material to spice things up. I know I'm going to borrow some aspects from Ms. Yolen for my next campaign.
 

May 27th, 1999 --
    Only one book this time, but a short story anthology. The Mammoth Book of Comic Fantasy contains stories that span the better part of a century. 35 of them in all, and it's safe to say there's something in here for everyone. Nearly every staple of the fantasy genre is stapled, folded, and mutilated, all with high good humor.
    My personal favorite is "Death Swatch," by Esther Friesner, which is the tale of what happens when the evil overlord captures the beautiful princess, and gets far more than he bargained for when she demands that he let her redecorate his sinister citadel. What's a villain to do when the decorator decides that his legions of orcs don't go with the drapes, or mistakes his zombie butler for a persistent mildew stain?
    Other goodies include:
    "Pizza to Go" -- a time-traveling immortal delivery service brings hot cheesy treats throughout history, from MacBeth to Lucrezia Borgia and more.
    "Golden Apples of the Sun" -- with a first line like "Few of the folks in Faerie would have anything to do with the computer salesman," you know you're in for a wild ride.
    "The Toll Bridge" by Harvey Jacobs -- Atilla the Hun on a psychiatrist's couch.
    "The Warlock's Daughter" by Anthony Armstrong -- written in the 1930's, this is a slightly askew fairy tale of a woodcutter's son, a princess, and a contest to win her hand.
    "The Glass Slip-up" by Louise Cooper -- what happens when Prince Charming realizes, a little too late, that the girl who fit the slipper is not at all what he was looking for in a wife.
    "Shoggoth's Old Peculiar" by Neil Gaiman -- yes, comedy and Lovecraft _do_ mix, though it's an uneasy combo!
    "Aphrodite's New Temple" by Amy Myers -- a dispute between Aphrodite and Artemis lead to a chaotic meddling-of-the-gods.
    "The Cunning Plan" by Anne Gay -- not a Blackadder take-off, as the title might lead one to expect, this is the story of how a townful of vampires solves the problem of no fresh blood by staging a football game.
    "The Tale of the Seventeenth Eunuch" by Jane Tolen -- this one may, at the end, sound a little familiar ; )
    "Ruella in Love" by Molly Brown -- even evil sorceresses have sweet-sixteen parties.
    I got this one through the Science Fiction Book Club, but I've also seen it in paperback at bookstores. Edited by Mike Ashley, ISBN 0-7867-0533-7

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From April 30th, 1999 --
    The book for my first installment of this is actually five books ... the Sholan Alliance series by Lisanne Norman.
    If you like Gargoyles for the interspecies romantic tension, if you like Elfquest or Pern, or if you're a cat person, you will love these books (and doesn't that cover just about everybody?).
    The central characters of the series are Carrie Hamilton, a human colonist who has shared a mental link since birth with her twin sister, and Kusac, a Sholan telepath. The Sholans are very sensual felinoid race, and to them, Telepathy is considered a great gift. To the backwards humans, of course, it is something that is barely acknowledged to exist.
    When Carrie and Kusac form a link that brings them together, body and mind, as one, it is the beginning of a turbulent time of change for both their cultures. Everyone who encounters them wants to eliminate them, use them, or turn them into political pawns. And, of course, the humans get all bent out of shape over their women having anything to do with aliens.
    The supporting cast of characters are fabulous. Kaid, the mysterious warrior-priest, is my personal favorite (he has that same brooding/suffering thing going for him that Goliath and MacBeth do so well).
    The first book is rather thin, but the rest are wonderfully thick 600-pagers that keep even a fast reader like me occupied for several days. Lisanne handles her vast cast of characters splendidly, bringing together many threads in surprising and gratifying ways.
    These books are full of tense emotion, intricate plots, unfortgettable characters, and delicious erotic scenes that mesh completely with how I think such scenes ought to be written.
    Great books! Well worth the read!

The Sholan Alliance books are:
Turning Point
Fortune's Wheel
Fire Margins
Razor's Edge
Dark Nadir
and are published by Daw Science Fiction (http://www.dawbooks.com)