Re: Another "Country" Heard From

Valerie Brew-Parrish (brew-parrish(AT)juno.com)
Sun, 26 Oct 1997 17:57:43 -0500

Hi Dan,
I have been reading your posts & Jeff's and if you don't mind I'd like to
add my thoughts. First of all, don't ever believe that you're not
desirable. You are! I have been so impressed with your comments and have
felt your pain of rejection. It's ironic. All of these yrs. I have felt
bitter that I went to the gimp schools and wasn't mainstreamed. Now, I am
reevaluating my situation. My family perceived me as nonsexual but my
friends didn't. My dear friend JoAnne had MD. Her scoliosis was so bad
her head laid on her shoulder. She couldn't move one limb. She had all
kinds of AB boyfriends. My, I was impressed. They fed her, carried her to
the toilet, kissed her. She was well loved. She took my head off when I
said I was ugly. She fixed me up with an AB friend of hers. What an ego
trip for me! I had lots of boyfriends. I think maybe those "special
schools" had their purpose. We were closer than family and we understood
the pain, fear, & rejection of society. Maybe it helped us deal better
with the cold cruel world. When I was older & attending SIU (LOTS OF
DISABLED PEOPLE THERE) a friend of mine with a disability hired a
prostitute for a CP friend of ours so he could experience sex. I am
basically a prude and at the time I was a bit offended. I understand much
more now. Dan, I am not going to insult you by saying you could meet
someone at church. I think you should get more involved with people with
disabilities through CIL'S, etc. There's a camp for adults with
disabilities, you might find a soul-mate there. I will probably get
clobbered for saying this, and I know it's not always true, but the most
loving, and fulfilling relationships are with disabled partners. I dated
nondisabled men. They didn't and couldn't share my commitment to
disability rights. They loved me but accessibility problems didn't
concern them. I am blessed to be married to my best friend. He accepts me
with all my imperfections as I accept him. We share the same goals, we
understand what it's like to live in a society that treats us as second
class citizens. Look for a disabled woman Dan & Jeff. I sure don't mean
to imply that only disabled women can love you. But, by associating with
disabled persons you will meet nondisabled persons who are "disability
wise."
Val