{"id":1759,"date":"2015-04-30T09:34:26","date_gmt":"2015-04-30T17:34:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.eskimo.com\/~nanook\/nook\/?p=1759"},"modified":"2015-04-30T09:34:26","modified_gmt":"2015-04-30T17:34:26","slug":"a-lot-down","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.eskimo.com\/~nanook\/2015\/04\/30\/a-lot-down\/","title":{"rendered":"A Lot Down"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-family: trebuchet ms,geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; color: #000080;\">Actually, I&#8217;m feeling a lot down today, really fixated on death and negativity.\u00a0 I don&#8217;t want to be but it just won&#8217;t leave my head.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: trebuchet ms,geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; color: #000080;\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I lost my mother a couple of years ago, I don&#8217;t know how long my father has left but he feels he&#8217;s winding down.\u00a0 I&#8217;ve alienated my daughter and my youngest son.\u00a0 I&#8217;m really feeling like maybe I would have been better off if I&#8217;d died in prison.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: trebuchet ms,geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; color: #000080;\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I really hate it when I get in moods like this but I don&#8217;t know what to do about it.\u00a0 A couple of decades of therapy didn&#8217;t eliminate it and I&#8217;ve been on many different SSRI&#8217;s and other medications and at best they helped very little and only temporarily and had rather serious side effects.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: trebuchet ms,geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; color: #000080;\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 God took the really intense nebulous anxiety away, that which is left is real over real issues and not so intense and I guess I kind of feel like if I didn&#8217;t have it I wouldn&#8217;t be motivated to do much of anything, but this depressive feeling, the fixation on death of everyone I love and eventually myself, I don&#8217;t see any positives in that, and yet God left me with that.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Actually, I&#8217;m feeling a lot down today, really fixated on death and negativity.\u00a0 I don&#8217;t want to be but it just won&#8217;t leave my head. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I lost my mother a couple of years ago, I don&#8217;t know how long &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eskimo.com\/~nanook\/2015\/04\/30\/a-lot-down\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1759","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","wpautop"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eskimo.com\/~nanook\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1759","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eskimo.com\/~nanook\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eskimo.com\/~nanook\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eskimo.com\/~nanook\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eskimo.com\/~nanook\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1759"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.eskimo.com\/~nanook\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1759\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eskimo.com\/~nanook\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1759"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eskimo.com\/~nanook\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1759"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eskimo.com\/~nanook\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1759"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}