My mother’s recent passing has me thinking a lot about the afterlife.\u00a0 The Bible tells us a little but really not a lot of detail with respect to what to expect.<\/p>\n
Years ago, we had a big storm, and I was thinking it was the Inaugural Day storm of ’93, but now I don’t think so because I remember it being cold and snowy not just windy.\u00a0 Also, I remember just two kids then and ’93 would have had three.<\/p>\n
At any rate; we had a storm, it knocked power out, and I was sick with the flu.\u00a0 A water bed really sucks when the power is out because without the heater, it sucks the heat right out of your body.<\/p>\n
So I’m sick, have a high fever and shivering on an unheated waterbed with no heat in the house because the furnace doesn’t run without electricity.<\/p>\n
I went into a dream, only it seemed more real than waking reality.\u00a0 I was in heaven with God, and it was home.\u00a0 I knew it was, I had awakened from the dream of my life on Earth and I was more awake and alive and aware than I’d ever experienced.<\/p>\n
And I had a choice, I could stay or I could go back, and I thought of the kids and I had to go back.\u00a0 As soon as I thought that, I woke up, and the fever had broken, I had 98.6\u00b0 F temperature and got up and felt fine.<\/p>\n
But there were some things I brought back with me from that experience, a sense of connectivity there that I’ve never been able to totally get with any human being here. The most intense sexual experience doesn’t come close.<\/p>\n
I also got a sense of that being home, I had been there before, it was familiar, relaxing, comforting, secure.\u00a0 A feeling I’ve never really fully had on Earth.\u00a0 Here, on this planet I’ve always had a feeling of not belonging.<\/p>\n
Now that my mother has passed, there is a part of me that really wants to return to that place.\u00a0 The only thing that prevents me is that I know God didn’t bring me all this way for no reason, I’ve got work to do before it is my time, and even though I don’t know what that is, I know cutting my life short would in effect be refusing God’s assignments and gifts.<\/p>\n
So I’m in kind of a deep mental funk, really feeling tired of this life, a life in which I know two of my kids hate me because of what I’ve done, I’m not really sure if how my father feels about me but I know I’ll never earn his respect and I’m not sure about his love.<\/p>\n
I love my wife but I don’t feel like she really shares the intensity of my emotions, so I feel very alone in them.\u00a0 My situation doesn’t really provide me any method of blowing off steam and unwinding and that’s difficult to deal with at times.<\/p>\n
I’m sure God has a reason for the path I’m on but I keep asking what I should be doing and so far the answer doesn’t seem to be forthcoming and that is difficult and frustrating.<\/p>\n
I want to be home in a way that is secure, in a way I can really relate to people at the deepest level, and right now in my life that’s just not happening.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My mother’s recent passing has me thinking a lot about the afterlife.\u00a0 The Bible tells us a little but really not a lot of detail with respect to what to expect. Years ago, we had a big storm, and I … Continue reading