Subject: 60-Repost: Diary of a dying scientologist
From: [email-masked] (Tilman Hausherr)
Date: Sun, 28 Dec 1997 23:37:39 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology

Subject: DIARY OF A DYING SCIENTOLOGIST OT7
From: ARIANE JACKSON <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 11 Sep 1996 23:28:36 -0400

This article contains excerpts from the diary of my ex-husband, ALBERT
JAQUIER. These entries are from 1994, the last year of his life. He died on
Dec 11, 1994. He was 59 years old when he wrote these entries. He had
completed OT7, which promises to make a person "Cause over life", he had
been in the Scientology cult for 14 years, and had given his fortune of
several million dollars. He had a heart condition, was physically incapable
of working, and had had a stroke at the end of 1992.
Shortly before his death he told me he did not think he would live very
long and made me promise I would make his experiences publicly known so
that others would not have to suffer in the same way. The original entries
are in French, which I have translated. My explanations of his shorthand,
and identification of the names involved, are in parentheses.
While reading this it should be borne in mind that the picture here is of a
man who had been pushed way beyond the limits of what anyone should be
asked to suffer. It would be a great disservice to his memory if I did not
indicate that, prior to losing his health, Albert had worked, and he
routinely worked 16 and 18 hour days, seven days a week. That was how he
had gotten from being a junkyard laborer to a self-made millionaire
pre-Scientology. If he had been physically capable of working he would have
tried to recover from or prevent his financial ruin. He was a warm-hearted
and generous man, the proof is he LOANED over $1,000,000 to  11
Scientologists, without collateral, on the recommendations of other
Scientologists and, at the time of his death, only one of them had repaid
him.

The Scientologists who did not repay Albert, and the amounts he calculated
they owed as of May 1994, are as follows:-
					     Amount owed as of May '94
CHRISTIAN BOSIGER OT8                              $33,940
JODY DARLING OT7,PATRON MERITORIOUS               $304,564
CHRISTIAN DELALEZE, SEA ORG MEMBER                 $12,120
       ?          LABRE, CLEAR                      $9,131
        ?         PESCE                               $731
        ?         PICHON, CLEAR                    $41,587
CLAUDE-ANDRE QUENNOZ, CLEAR                        $32,859
RENALD RACINE, ON OT7                               $8,891
HANS-KASPAR RHYNER, OT5, PATRON MERITORIOUS       $344,028
GIGI TROGLIO, OT7                                  $46,062

(Here are his diary entries).
Dec 27, 1993,
The evening of the 25th,Party organised by Michele (daughter of Albert by
his 1st wife)
Ariane (me) and Alex (my husband), Cyril (Albert's son by his second
marriage, a Scientologist who STOLE almost all of the estate of Albert
after his death) and Alex(another Alex, a friend of Cyril). Jacinthe
(former girlfriend of Albert) and Michele. Michael (Albert's and my son)
and Albert. Very good evening.

Dec 31,
No money, admin problems

Jan 2, 1994
Went to flea market with Michele and Cyril. Bought clothes for Michael.

Jan 11
Phoned Baer (Edwin Baer, a delinquent debtor, Scientologist, owing Albert
$150,000 + interest who eventually paid but refused to pay the $40,000
interest) Ruth (Baer's wife) answered, long communication not very nice. I
want to ask my refund from IAS. Brought the Jeep to the dealer to try to
trade it for something with lower payments.

Jan 13, 
I am very irritable. My body and joints are very painful.

Jan 14 
Long talk with Cyril, no explanation and no respect. Took possession of  my
new car a Chevrolet Lumina.

Jan 19,
KR (Knowledge Report.Scientologists are ordered to write reports on ALL
"outnesses" they observe in other Scientologists and send these reports to
the "Ethics Section") on Jody Darling (another delinquent debtor,
Scientologist, who did not repay over $300,000), still no news. Still the
same money problems.

Jan 23,
Wrote to all my debtors.

Jan 25  
Did not sleep.

Jan 27 
Did not sleep. Went to see Andy (Andy Stilhard, staff member at Flag
Service Organization, Inc.) about debtors.

Jan 28 
Sick.

Jan 29
Sick, in bed. Passing blood

Jan 30
Sick. Passing blood

Jan 31
Sick. Passing blood.

Feb 1
Sick. Passing blood. Wrote to IAS for refunds of Patron Meritorious ( a
"status" achieved by paying $250,000 to the International Association of
Scientologists) of Jody Darling, Hans-Kaspar Rhyner ( another delinquent
debtor, Scientologist, who did not repay over $300,000) and Edwin Baer.

Feb 2
Sick. Passing blood.

Feb 3
Sick. Passing blood

Feb 4
Sick. Passing blood

Feb 5
Sick. Passing blood.

Feb 8
KR on Hans-Kaspar Rhyner.

Jan 14
Slept all afternoon, no courage. No news from IAS or from Baer, just from
Rhyner.

Jan 16 
Fax to Jody. Problems with money.

Jan 17
Communication with IAS no result. What can I do.

Jan 18
Fax from Edwin, he has no money. Fax Jody KR. Fax IAS.

Jan 20
Sat evening, sad, I have no goal, unhappy.

Jan 25
Discussion with Chaplain (the staff member at Flag who is supposed to
resolve conflicts between Scientologists because it is forbidden for a
Scientologist to take a lawyer against another Scientologist) the cycle
(Scientologese for action) does not go.  I am bored, alone, sad.

Jan 26
Deep depression. Can't take any more.

Jan 27
Interview with Jeanne D'Arc ( staff at Flag).

Mar 1 
Fax to Chaplain. Serious problems with Jones St (a property he owned).
Decided to let it be repossessed.

Mar 12
Went to bed early very tired.

Mar 14
Went to notary to sign for repossession of Jones St. Called Chaplain--
busy, called E/O ("Ethics Officer", staff who is supposed to ensure that
Scientologists are "ethical" as defined by Hubbard)-- busy. Sad, no more
courage, headache.

Mar 15
Letter to Chaplain, to IAS, to MAA (Master-at-Arms, same as E/O), to C/S
(Case Supervisor, staff responsible for ordering what type of "auditing" is
to be done on someone). Totally depressed.

Mar 16
Am very anxious regarding money, visa (immigration visa, he was Swiss),
health.

Mar 17
Cannot sleep, anxious. Listening to Ron's (L. Ron Hubbard) tapes to try and
get out of this hell.

Mar 20
In bed almost all day tired, problems.

Mar 21
In bed almost all day, headache.

Mar 22
Only interest of Cyril is to change cars, does not care about the future,
just the present. He is selfish and egotistical. I argue with him, he is
very negative. Called his mother, I want him to return to Switzerland.

Mar 23
Chaplain regarding Baer's fax.

Mar 25
Sad, depressed, crying. Cyril is in Key West with my car.

Mar 26
Deep depression.

Mar 27
Depression, depression, death, I do not know what the future will be.
This month I lost Jones St, no money, Cyril not working.

Mar 28
Fax to Baer and to Chaplain--no answer.

Apr 4
Cyril has a new car.

Apr 9
Fight with Cyril.

Apr 14
Low morale, stuck.

Apr 16
Depression, no money.

Apr 18
Letter from Renald (Renald Racine, delinquent Scientology debtor who did
not pay $6,000), disgusting, saddens me. Is he crazy? Took it to Cosima (an
E/O at Flag). Angry about IAS. Criticised by IAS staff who told me it was
not OK for me to ask for a refund.

Apr 19
Depression. Spoke to Cyril, everything is falling apart. I am sad and very
disappointed.

Apr 20
All day in bed, depression, no product, a hell, strange story.

Apr 23
Fax from Darling, 1.1 (1.1 is a Scientology description of the emotional
level of a person, 1.1 is "covertly hostile", a low level meaning the
person hates you but hides it).

Apr 30
Very tired, very tired.

May 2
Ariane paid $650 for Michael's school.

May 3
Michael is sick. I am sad, no money. Ariane brought milk and fruit for
Michael, thankyou.
Christian Boesiger (yet another delinquent Scientology debtor who did not
repay over $33,000) no news. This chaplain cycle is punishing me.

May 4
Chaplain Court (Scientology "court action" supposed to resolve conflicts
between Scientologists). Rhyner offered $200,000--no interest, so I lose
the interest?? 

May 5
No Jody, no Chaplain Court.

May 6
Chaplain cycle very bad, they not only do not pay but they want me to lose
money. I am disgusted with all that. Edwin Baer cannot come and is
represented by Hans-Peter Tschupp. I am totally alone.

May 7
Bulimia of misery.

May 8
Sad.

May 13
Chaplain with Baer represented by Tschupp. No assistance.

May 16
Appointment with Alain Kartuzinsky (a Senior Case Supervisor at Flag). 

May 19 
Going to Switzerland

Jun 20 
Returned from Switzerland, low morale, no future, no goal.

Jun 30
Ariane gave me $275 for Michael's school.

Jul 1
Low morale. Slept.

Jul 2
Fax from Rhyner, entheta (Scientologese meaning ugly, hostile), does not
pay, low morale, slept.

Jul 3
Low morale, slept.

Jul 4
Low morale, no goal.

Jul 7
I am very sad, Cyril moved out, he does not work, is lying, does not get up
in the morning, he is not OK.

Jul 8
I am sad.

Jul 12
Sent faxes to Baer, Hans-Kaspar Rhyner, Hans-Peter Tschupp (he was involved
in arranging the "loans" Albert was persuaded to make), and Jody Darling.

Jul 14
Chaplain for finance. Situation deteriorates between Cyril and me, lots of
unpaid bills, I am angry.

Jul 15
At the Fort Harrison (name of the building that houses part of Flag--the
FH), saw Kathy who wants to send me on the Freewinds (Scientology cruise
ship) for an OT Debug (action supposed to resolve problems an "OT" has).

Jul 16
Fight with Cyril.

Jul 17
Suicidal, sick, no courage.

Jul 19
Phoned OSA about the loan cycle--nothing.

Jul 22
Cyril does nothing. Saw Chaplain and Director of IAS, got angry, ARCX (ARC
broken meaning very upset).

Jul 28
KR on Hans-Kaspar Rhyner. No money. Ariane brought food, thankyou.

Jul 30
Prepared folder for a Comm-Ev (Committee of Evidence, a kind of trial
without jury) for Baer, Jody Darling and Hans-Kaspar Rhyner.

Jul 31
Sad, no goal. Received a check from Ariane for $275 for Michael's school.

Aug 4
Saw Alain (Kartuzinsky), Ingrid (the "host" at Flag to whom public
Scientologists can go and voice their concerns), Sergio (Chaplain), E/O, 
for this money cycle, a lot of charge (charge is Scientologese for mental
trauma). I am tired, headache, toothache, sad.

Aug 5
Saw Alain, LRH Host,E/O, Sergio, big discussion regarding money cycle. 48
hours for Darling, Rhyner and Baer to come to Flag, not real.

Aug 6
Toothache, very painful, took aspirin (Scientologists are not supposed to
take drugs, even aspirin), no courage. 

Aug 7
Toothache, aspirin, my health is getting worse.

Aug 8
Fax from Rhyner--nothing. Toothache. Slept almost all day.

Aug 9
No money, sad, tired.

Aug 10
Slept, was very tired.

Aug 12
Alone, sad.

Aug 13
Alone, sad.

Aug 15
Cyril got up at 1pm.

Aug 17
I am very nervous, it's difficult for me to confront, sad, tired, sick,
toothache, aspirin.

Aug 18
Saw Jeanne D'Arc and Alain.

Aug 19
Sad.

Aug 20
Sad.

Aug 22
Fell asleep at Fort Harrison, saw Jeanne D'Arc.

Aug 25
At Fort Harrison to get auditing.

Aug 26
At FH for auditing, money problems with reg ("registrar"--a salesman
selling auditing). 

Aug 27
Auditing.

Aug 28
Auditing.

Aug 29
I remain sad in spite of auditing, very, very tired.

Aug 30
Sad, crying, tired, the body is suffering, I am scared of Ethics. I am in
bad shape physically. Cyril does not produce, selfish, interested only in
music, films, computer, car.

Aug 31
I am suffering, tired, no auditing. I protest to Jeanne D'Arc, no money.

Sep 1
Ariane brought $275 for Michael's school, auditing.

Sep 2
Auditing.

Sep 3
Auditing, not fun.

Sep 4
Very big fight with Cyril, he is lying, cheating, he hates his little
brother, his sister, his friends and probably his dad. An hour and a half
of auditing for that today and I am sad, is he my son?

Sep 5
Cyril called his mother to return to Switzerland, yes.

Sep 6
Auditing.

Sep 11
Auditing, hard, pain in joints. Chaplain cycle Rhyner--nothing.

Sep12
Tired, sad, pain, depression.

Sep13
Jeanne D'Arc came to my house to do a "Nerve Assist" (Scientology action
consisting of stroking the person's torso and limbs, following the routes
of the major nerves), later had a  session (auditing), hard, tired.

Sep 14
Four hours of session, hard, no wins, by-passed-charge (mental trauma that
has been stirred-up but not relieved), what a mess. In the evening nerve
assist from Jeanne D'Arc, cried.

Sep 15
Jeanne D'Arc nerve assist, no auditing, sick, sad, tired.

Sep 16
Auditing, hard, long, sad, disappointed.

Sep 19
Auditing, hard, tired.

Sep 21
I am angry, nothing is happening on the finances.

Sep 23
A lot of sadness, a lot of problems.

Sep 24
I cry, sad, nothing to eat, fridge empty, Ariane brought $60 of food.

Sep 25
I write my O/Ws (overts and withholds. An overt is a BAD action or omission
and good and bad are defined by Hubbard.  A withhold is anything the person
is withholding because he fears the consequences of its being divulged. It
can be an overt, or just something embarassing. A common Scientology action
is to "write O/Ws", IN FULL DETAIL, and give them to the Ethics Officer and
Case Supervisor, who take appropriate actions). 

Sep 26
Continue to write O/Ws, strange, very tired.

Sep 27
Write O/Ws.

Sep 28
Write O/Ws, I am very sad.

Oct 2
Ariane and Alex helped me to clean San Salvador (a house he had to sell
because he could not pay the mortgage. Cyril refused to help him clean it
up).

Oct 7
Phone with Ruth Baer, she hung up on me.

Oct 8
Auditing.

Oct 9 Cleaned San Salvador with Alex and Ariane, a lot of work.

Oct 10
Auditing.

Oct 11
Sad, do not feel good, shitty cycle, not fun. FH for 5 hours review, $3,600
(meaning he paid $3,600 for 5 hours auditing). Long communication with
Jeanne D'Arc, this cycle is bothering me.

Oct 14
Could not sleep, no auditing, sad, depression, sick.

Oct 15
Auditing, long.

Oct 16
In morning, auditing, long, afternoon FH, no more hours (his 5 hours are
all used up).

Oct 19
Very tired, sick, pain to the tips of my fingers.

Oct 20
Concerning Ariane, I will not do what I have done to her, I will handle
with a lot of ARC (Affinity, Reality and Communication. When Albert and I
divorced I was told by the Ethics Officer to give Albert custody of
Michael. Later Albert became more and more convinced that I was bad for
Michael and refused to allow me ANY contact with Michael for a period of 7
months. When I called, Albert had someone else tell me on the phone that I
had to get permission from the Ethics Officer to see my son. This is the
practice called "disconnection" advocated by Scientology. My son was THREE
years old at the time).

Oct 21
I am tired and sick.

Sep22
FH to see Jeanne D'Arc, afternoon faxes to Jody, Rhyner, Baer, Pichon
(another delinquent Scientology debtor who did not repay over $41,000).

Oct 25
Interview with Jeanne D'Arc, I was not nice with her, she was sad. Have
decided to ask for a refund from IAS.

Oct 27
Contacted Alain and Jeanne D'Arc to ask for a refund from IAS.

Oct 28
Contacted Ginger and Jeanne D'Arc to ask for my refund from IAS.

Oct 31
D of P (an interview by the Director of Processing [Processing is
auditing], not happy, without purpose, useless.

Nov 3
All this week sad, feverish, pain, depression.

Nov 5
Sick, sad.

Nov 6
Fax from Rhyner who is very angry with me. I cannot take any more, I
screamed at Jeanne D'Arc and Marcus (E.O.)

Nov 7
My health is bad, money, nothing, treason all over. Fought with Jeanne
D'Arc, is it a threat? Yes. She has changed camp. I am in danger.

Nov 8
Sad week, not happy, stuck.

Nov 11
Met Valeska (my teenage daughter who is staff in Clearwater), my dad,
thought it was he who was calling me (he thought Valeska was his father who
had died when he was four). Ooh la la, Valeska. Saw Alain, no product.

Nov 14-15
Cyril is always stopping, very bad manager. Loide (a Scientologist) does
not exchange, just asks for car, bike, etc.

Nov 16
Moved from Calumet (another house he had to sell) to Greenwood (small, one
bedroom appartment), cried with pain, dizzy, tired, oppression.

Nov 17
Baer proposes a repayment, I sign the papers for that.

Nov 18
Baer does not send the money, strange story. Rhyner nothing, Jody no comm
(communication).

Nov 19
This morning I asked Cyril to help me take the furniture upstairs, he
refused.

Nov 22
Received 150,000 Swiss francs from Baer, lost $40,000 and all the
unhappiness.

Nov 30
Cyril came to the house to ask for a new computer, I said "no", he left
angry.

Dec 1
I am very tired, chest constricted, I do not think I will finish the year.

Dec 2
Cyril went back to Switzerland without saying goodbye. Received auditing in
the evening, feeling faint, I do not feel good at all.

Dec 3
This morning very faint if I move too much, a lot of chest pain.

Dec 4
Sick.

Dec 5
This week sad, sick, anxious.

Dec 7
 I am very anxious.

Dec 8
I will sign for San Salvador (to sell it). Ariane and Stefan are moving the
furniture out.

Dec 9 (last entry)
Not a lot of money left on the account.
 
PLEASE DISTRIBUTE THIS AS BROADLY AS POSSIBLE AND, IN THAT WAY, ALBERT WILL
NOT HAVE SUFFERED AND DIED IN VAIN. SOME GOOD CAN MAYBE COME OUT OF IT AND
OTHERS CAN BE SAVED FROM A SIMILAR EXPERIENCE.

                                            IN MEMORIAM        

                                        ALBERT JAQUIER

                                              1935---1994

                                        THANK YOU, ALBERT.

                                       Ariane, Michael and Alex.