From: trube@merle.acns.nwu.edu (Todd Trubey) Newsgroups: rec.sport.basketball.pro Subject: Trube's Crystal Ball Date: 20 Aug 97 20:00:24 GMT Message-ID: August 20, 2013 New Orleans, LA Today the New Orleans Lakers lost their bid to retain the rights to Jordan Swoopes, the sixteen year-old son of WNBA president Cheryl Swoopes. The Lakers' owner, general manager, and backup center Shaquille O'Neal was apparently enraged that Swoopes refused to accept the four-year, one billion dollar contract--which had an opt-out clause after two months. O'Neal remained visibly disturbed when he spoke to the media: "When I was in my prime, most players would have jumped at a nine-figure deal. Now ten-figures don't mean a thing to these punks. He better watch my elbows next time we play. I mean, we offered him a nine-hundred million dollar signing bonus!" O'Neal, as fans will doubtless remember, became the first player to receive majority ownership of his team in lieu of a salary, ending his holdout in 2002. Four years later he moved the Los Angeles Franchise to New Orleans, leaving America's second-largest city without even a single franchise in any of the four major sports. Swoopes, who dropped out of high school last year on the advice of his agent, is apparently headed toward Kansas City, although maybe not for long. ESPN anchorman Chris Rock reports that Swoopes has been talking with Kevin Garnett, owner of the South Carolina Bulls. Garnett has offered to purchase the Kansas City Clippers and offer Swoopes majority ownership of both of his franchises in lieu of salary for the next five years. Rock further reports that Swoopes would most likely combine the two franchises and move them to his native Houston, where they will be known as the Bullippers. NBA Commissioner David Stern, who had a stroke when Allen Iverson was convicted of aggravated assault and signed a $500,000,000 contract with the now-defunct Philadelphia 76ers on the same day, is unlikely to hinder the deal, since he has been in a coma for over ten years. Trube