From: trube@merle.acns.nwu.edu (Todd Trubey) Newsgroups: rec.sport.basketball.pro Subject: All Star game mindreadings Date: 10 Feb 97 23:14:42 GMT Organization: Northwestern University, Evanston, IL, US Message-ID: Larry Bird: Hmmm . . . Who's the best player of all time? Obviously, me. But who am I gonna say? Ah, Magic and Dr. J. Magic Johnson: Hmmmm. . . . Who's the best player of all time? Obviously, me. But who am I gonna say? Ah, Larry and Dr. J. Oh, and Michael. Dr. J.: Who's the best player of all time? Kareem. Rudy T.: Sheesh. Lookit Doug Collins with his "I'm too cool for a tie look." Who started that crap? Nellie? Probably. A guy should wear a tie. Gary Payton: O Canada?!? Gimme a break. This here's America. Just cuz they got two sorry teams up there doesn't mean I should have to sit through another song. Karl Malone: Look at them. Punks. No respect. Gonna jam on Chrissy Webber. Gonna jam on Chrissy Laettner. Gonna jam on Glenn Rice. Would jam on Kemp if he weren't on my team. Wish I could slam on Kobe and Iverson too. Penny Hardaway: Heh heh heh. Everybody think's Penny's the nice guy. Not after Mike and I pants Mutombo! Dikembe Mutombo: Why the heck did they do that? Why pull a man's pants down? Is this some sort of American thing? Grant Hill: Now that was a pass. If I had Jordan on my team, I'd be alley-ooping all night long. Might cut down on my assists though. Latrell Spreewell: Poor Chris. Bricked a shot. Then turned it over, and then I skooled him. He ain't had much luck since Nellie made him leave. jordon: What the HELL is going on here!? Why are we down double digits? I'm gonna have to take this thing over. Hate being down double digits. Hate being down period. Christian Laettner: Yeah, this is cool. Grabbing boards. Got my George Clooney cut. Hope Minnesota's happy with that kid they liked so much. Terrell Brandon: Thanks a LOT Sports Illustrated! Call me the best point guard in the league and get that psycho Payton all mad at me. Kevin Garnett: Poor Christian. Got sent out of town and now he's got that dumb haircut. Maybe Kareem could show him how to shave it off--front to back. (halftime) Robert Parrish: Forty-seven guys show up. The only dead one represented by his kids. Who's missing. Shaq and West. Those Lakers never did have any respect for tradition. Penny Hardaway: Man, the whole stadium booed Shaquille. Well, he said he wasn't coming back to any more All Star games after MJ got the trophy last year. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: Uh, I think I'm gonna be sick. Is it all this hype or was it that six pack of Coors I slammed? (back to ball) Gary Payton: Get Terrell back out here!! Get him out here!! Gonna glove that *&@#%^%@!!! Eddie Jones: Gonna get me that MVP. Kobe called me eleven times last night telling me how great he was. Gotta get that MVP. Show that little kid. Watch me shut down Rice. Everybody knows I'm the best defender in the league. Glen Rice: One. Chris Gatling: How come they hadda go to these uniforms this year? I wanted one of them cool uniforms to hang on my wall. Glen Rice: Two. Mitch Richmond: Uh-oh. I know that look. That's the look I get when I'm starting to cook. Now Rice is cooking. Heh-heh. That's pretty funny, "Rice is cooking." Glen Rice: Three. Shawn Kemp: Can't Glen do anything besides hit a three? If I was him, I'd jam. Glen Rice: Four. Wilt Chamberlain: Damn fool trying to break my record. Go down there and block his shots in street clothes! Scottie Pippen: What is Latrell doing with those sideburns? Is this some kinda Shaft thing or something? He looks as dumb as I did when I went for that Dr. J look. Tim Hardaway: Where's Gervin? Where's Gervin? Now THAT is a finger roll! jordon: Hey, I've almost got a triple-double. But hardly any fouls. Better say hello to Kevin. Kevin Garnett: Oooooooooooooh. Mike done slapped me good. I guess that means I'm in the club. Maybe he likes me enough to lose golf bets to me. Doug Collins: Rice almost has the record. Jordan almost has a triple double. Better call a timeout, make sure they get their stats. Joe Dumars: Boy, I hope nobody points out that Doug threw a hissy-fit when that Bowie guy called a timeout to get his triple-double last year. They might call him a hypocrite, and then I might have to defend him. Like when they'd ask me to defend Laimbeer. And Rodman. Ugh. Glen Rice: Now they gonna give me my own commercial? Maybe some dumb commercial like Iverson's where I'm talking about how I knew I would get my own shoes cuz I wanted it to happen. jordon: Whew. Thank heavens they didn't give me that dang trophy like last year. I gotta play Glen in a few days. Better remind him how I set him up. Bill Walton: How boring. Just a bunch of dumb guards out there playing playground ball. Give me John Wooden, Wilt Chamberlain, Bill Russell, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson . . . . Trube