And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Before going to prison, from the time I made up my mind that I wanted to change my life, God has given this verse special meaning to me.  Throughout the period leading up to my incarceration, during it, and after, God has used this verse as a way of getting my attention, letting me know there was a message he was about to deliver.  It came across in sermons, radio shows, even fragments in advertisements, and each time something important would follow.

It came into my mind the evening before my mother passed away, while I was watching her struggle for every breath.  And this time it’s still hard for me to understand how that can possibly be used to good.  But I know he will, somehow, and I will make myself available to whatever he has planned for me.

I can see how, as hard as this is, God really prepared me, the time in prison in solitary where he let me know he was there, loved me, forgave me, but required that I take responsibility for what I do.  That moment made death a whole lot less frightening and also let me know I was never alone no matter where I was, he was there.

The day my mother passed, an old friend who was once my boss at the telephone company, but left to pursue his own business as did I, and we remained friends, contacted me, and I told him what I had done and he said we are friends for life, and then another friend from high school times contacted me again today and even knowing what I had done let me know we were still friends.

God has put so many good people in my life, that has made this time, which is hard and painful, a lot easier to bear, because so many people are providing emotional support and helping me bear that burden.

There are things I am praying for, primarily healing within my family, a closing of the chasm between my children who haven’t decided to reject me and those who have, that the relationship between my sister and I could be better, and that God continues to direct my life and mold me into the person he wants me to be who sees opportunities to help others and acts upon them instead of freezing up in fear, who trusts God to provide rather than being nervous about every impending deadline.

All of those people who have allowed God to use you and help me get back on a better path, I appreciate you and I offer my apologies to those I’ve hurt.