I thought about the feeling that seems to be with these dreams and it’s a feeling of something lost.

Two years ago in January my mother passed away.  My daughter is gone and I’ve got a court no contact order prohibiting me from contacting her that doesn’t expire until September 29th, 2019, and even then I don’t know if she will want to talk to me.  My youngest son is gone, he was emotionally close to my daughter so I think that is why he is angry with me but since he won’t talk to me I don’t really know.

So maybe “getting home” means going back to where these people were in my life.  If that’s the case then I’m just screwed.  This is the part of getting old that I’m really not enjoying and I know at least two out of three people gone I brought on myself.

I can’t use distractions I used in the past because I have to be good if I want to see my mother again.  My daughter and youngest son, well, that’s between them and God at this point.

Why do I put all this out?  Particularly when I know NSA will put it in their great data storehouse forever?  Secret keeping got me in trouble before, don’t want to go down that road again so instead I’m being as public as I can.  Maybe too much information, nobody is forced to read it.

I’m sick, started out with a mild flu but it was short-lived, but just on the tail of it got a nasty head cold that’s now screwed up my voice and makes sleeping damned near impossible as I hack and cough until early hours of the morning.  I’m taking pseudofed (generic equivalent), chlor-trimetron, and Robotussin DM, and not really helping all that much.