I am more than a little frustrated with the pain management I am receiving from my doctors at Group Health. This is my most recent communication with my neurologist:
In three months time I’ve gone from where I’ve got burning pain in my feet and an area of my groin where they sliced and diced, and some constipation pain, to having burning and often severe allodynia from the neck down except for my arms and hands. My functionality is really going in the toilet. I prefer a better solution than marijuana as it’s side effects are bad. To date I haven’t been offered one. I am wondering maybe I should just stop taking all the crap I’ve been given for my diabetes, blood pressure, and triglycerides, and just die a natural perhaps quite faster but at least up to that point less painful death. I brought up the fentynal as an extreme example, it seems to me it was total overkill for a colonoscopy. The doctor turned on the feed and I could not keep a steady gaze on the monitor, my eyes kept drifting. When he went to insert the scope he asks if I’m feeling any pain and I told him, “I can’t even feel the table below me.” But the significant point is that it did kill the neuropathy pain entirely although I could not function at that level either. There must be something that will give me an acceptable level of pain control while maintaining acceptable functionality. If you are not the person to provide it to me then I guess I need to know how to get to someone who can. I don’t want to whine but I can not deal with this level of pain and no amount of psycho-babble is going to change that. I’ll go to behavioral therapy and absorb and utilize what I can but bottom line is that I need more effective pain management than what I’m getting. Failing that I won’t commit suicide but what I am likely to do is partake in increasingly risky behavior until either I find something that works for me or die trying. Not my desire to die an early death but neither is it my desire to prolong life if this is all life has to offer me.